Sunday, November 15, 2015
"On Fire": Will God Flat-out Tell You Who Your Husband Is?
"That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, 'No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.' But it was to us that God revealed these things by his Spirit. For his Spirit searches out everything and shows us God’s deep secrets...When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means."---I Corinthians 2:9-10 & 13-14(NLT)
"Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you. For everyone who keeps on asking receives; and he who keeps on seeking finds; and to him who keeps on knocking, [the door] will be opened."---Matthew 7:7-8(AMPC)
"Jesus said to him, 'If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes."---Mark 9:23(NKJV)
If you're not someone who tends to pray early in the morning...
I recommend that you at least try it for a week. I am a huge (HUGE) fan of Psalm 46:5(NKJV): "God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn." Plus, there is something that is just so...intimate about spending time with the Lord while (your side of) the world is relatively quiet. It tends to bring forth a different kind of peace and calm (Proverbs 17:27), which ultimately brings forth a healthy dose of stability and resolve.
Anyway, this morning, one of the things that I read during my prayer time prompted me to do a bit of studying (2 Timothy 2:15-AMP). One of my favorite authors on marriage penned an article basically saying that God doesn't tell us who are spouse is; that we should look for the character of a person rather than rely on the specifics of the individual.
Immediately, I was like "Eh. Yes. And no."
"Yes" in the sense that YES, we need to care about the character of a man (Colossians 3:12-17), probably much more than most of us do.
"No" in the sense that 1) there are many Scriptures that speak to God telling us things and 2) I know far too many happily married people who've told me that they heard *clearly from the Lord* who their spouse was: sometimes immediately, sometimes eventually. Yet they did hear.
Plus, being that James 1:5 tells us that we can ask God for wisdom, how is a spouse omitted from that promise? Proverbs 4:7 tells us that wisdom is the principal thing and if there's one thing that we definitely (DEFINITELY) need wisdom about, it's who is God's best---or as Genesis 24:14 depicts, who is the appointed one---for us. In marriage.
So, I did some more digging on the topic...
And I was led (Luke 12:12) to a few good things to keep in mind.
Here are excerpts from a few articles on the topic...
In "Does God Tell You Who to Marry?", writer Angie Wyatt says this:
"When it comes to marriage, hearing God is tricky because it involves another person’s will. We should never use hearing God to impose our will upon another person. If you heard God about an area of your life that intersects with another person’s will – such as marriage, getting a job, applying for school – then I encourage you to keep the matter to yourself. Don’t tell the other person."
So true! Although as a believer who strives to be a disciple (John 8:31-32), of course I'm a believer that all things are possible when we believe. However, at the same time, I'm also riding with the Message Version of Ecclesiastes 7:18 which tells us that a man who fears God deals with ALL OF REALITY, not just a part of it. And you know what? The reality is that God gives all of us free will to make our own decisions. So, when people say "If it's meant to be, it will be", my eyebrow tends to go up more times than not. It wasn't "meant to be" that Adam and Eve sinned (Genesis 3). They did that due to their free will. So, while God will reveal to us his will for our lives, that doesn't always, automatically or necessarily mean that we will follow/honor it. So, if God does tell you who "he" is, it's best to start praying now for him to be sensitive to the Spirit so that 1) he will receive that revelation from the Lord and 2) he will obey it if/when he does. Plus, in the Garden of Eden, although the Woman was brought to Adam, her husband (Genesis 2:22), she didn't tell him who she was. *He told her*. So yeah, if God does tell you who your husband is, it really is best to keep it to yourself. The timing of when you're ready to know that kind of information may be *very different* than the timing of when "he" does.
In "So God Told You He Is Your Husband?", writer Keciah Bailey says this:
The man God has chosen for you will know you. That man you are longing after – surrender it to God.
God would not put you in a position to become distracted by a man that is oblivious to your feelings or, as was my case, your existence. He simply would not have you go through that. It is purposeless and fruitless and not consistent with the loving, purposeful God that he is. Why would he give you such details, causing you to watch, wait and wrestle needlessly? Our emotions and our feelings are valuable to God. You deserve much more than to be caught up in some man who isn’t nurturing or returning those feelings. AND God is a jealous God. He will not share your attention with a man who isn’t even noticing you.
God loves us women so much, he did not bring us into the world until everything was prepared for us. He will first prepare and equip a man for you, then present you to him. He will never present the man to you for you to chase him, convince him or drop hints to him. That is out of alignment with his word and his way.
There was no divine revelation, you simply have a crush.
Ouch (LOL). If you click on the link, she's talking about a man in church who she "felt was her husband"...like other women in the church did. I will say this: Women romanticizing over someone happens enough that what Kechiah said certainly needs to go on record. I do not, however believe or even discern that her conclusion is a flat-out absolute. Again, this speaks to timing. Sometimes you may know/God may tell you first because you are in the position to know or there are some specific things that he wants to prepare you for. God told Samson's mother about Samson before his father Manoah knew (Judges 13). Mary knew that she was going to be impregnated by the Holy Spirit before Joseph knew (Luke 1). And something that both of these men had in common is, upon receiving the information, they were caught pretty of guard. That doesn't make what God told the women any less valid...just because the guys were not emotionally prepared at the time. Yet what I will say is her first line is a real winner. THE MAN GOD HAS CHOSEN FOR YOU WILL KNOW YOU. And as time does its thing, intimacy between the two of you, especially spiritually, will move forward not back. It also needs to go on record that God is not the author of confusion (I Corinthians 14:33). 20 women can't be one man's wife. Watch (quietly) how the guy responds to "other women knowing he's 'the one'". It will speak volumes. About him.
When you get a chance, check out "A LOVE STORY: by sarah nelson". She walks us through her entire journey of knowing and she knew at age 13! I'll share her journal entries about it here:
Journal entry to my future husband 11/11/03 (age thirteen):
I wonder if I know you right now, at age thirteen. That would be so weird to look back and see what our relationship was like at this age. I may not even know you until college.
January 21, 2004:
I had a dream the other night. It was abut my wedding day. I saw everyone’s face. Including yours!
January 25, 2004 (three days after I turned fourteen):
I think that God has revealed who you are to me. It is hard to think of getting married to you if you are who I think you are. But I think that God is molding my heart to first love you as a brother and a friend so that one day I can best love you as my husband.
July 26, 2005:
Ian, you broke up with your girlfriend a couple of days ago and I was completely shocked! During the time that you two were dating, the Lord was doing an incredible work in me regarding my faith and trust in Him. When you guys first started dating, I was beginning to doubt that God had truly spoken to me. Then I finally came to the realization that He is in control and He can do whatever He wants and if what He wants is for you to get a girlfriend to see if I still trust Him, than He will do so. Since I have to come to the realization that it is OK for God to work this way, He has broken you two up.
June 23, 2008:
We just went on our first date and you kissed me and told me you were in love with me. Instead of returning the compliment, I asked how you knew and your answer was “Because I can’t imagine living life without you.”
September 3, 2009 (two days before our wedding):
I can’t believe that I’m already here—writing a real letter to my real husband-to-be! You are the love of my life and I am so grateful that the Lord brought us together!
She also has some pearls of wisdom regarding God and his timing (Acts 1:7-Message, Ecclesiastes 3:11):
I think the moral of our story is to trust God and let Him work out the timing. We’ve all tried to get ahead of God at one point or another, and not just when we think it is “of Him”. Whether you know, or you don’t know, or you wish you did or didn’t know; ask, listen, and then trust God. I was so certain and yet still worried about this for five whole years of my emotional teenage life! It’s not worth it. God designs the most beautiful scenarios and then we spoil them with our impatience. Just don’t do it.
Indeed! Ask any guy you know, married or single, and they'll tell you that one of the most unattractive things in a woman is impatience. It's annoying. It's pushy. It's aggressive. It's pressuring. It's selfish. It's controlling. And there's nothing loving about it. I say that because I Corinthians 13:4 tells us that "Love is patient" and impatient is the opposite of patience.
There are sho 'nuf some twists and turns in "“I Asked the Lord to Make It Clear!”. Writer Lola Akindele speaks of God telling her that her husband Dayo was the one while she was a Christian and he was a Muslim (he's a Christian now).
At the end of July 2010, I had just come back from a holiday with my sister and friends and I was also rounding up my dissertation for my masters program. I was ready for the next stage of my life and I prayed for God to reveal my future husband, as I didn’t want to be lead astray by some of the guys in my life who had shown interest at that time.
I decided to do a week of prayer and fasting for God to please lead me to my future husband and to give me a discerning spirit throughout the whole process.
Matthew 17:20-21 tells us that some things *only come* by prayer and fasting. It can never hurt to fast for revelation, confirmation and clarity concerning who your husband is.
None of them could understand or accept my views on having no sex until marriage (even though they said they were fine with it at first). I had made this decision when I was 13 at my old church, KICC, after reading Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo’s book, “Let’s Talk About Sex” and it’s a decision that God has allowed me to keep, by His Grace.
So this time, I really needed God to bring the man that He had already destined for me to be with and not someone who I wanted to chose with my own reasoning.
A godly man (and prayerfully that is what you want in your husband) is to cover you. How does he show fruit of doing that (Matthew 12:33) if he's *uncovering you* while the two of you are dating? God telling you that someone is your husband and you're sleeping with him? Don't trust that. There is definitely some "static in the lines" when it comes to what you're *feeling* (Jeremiah 17:9) and what you're *hearing*. Hearing and obedience go hand-in-hand according to Scripture (James 1:21-25, Proverbs 28:9-Message).
We eventually started speaking, and when I asked why he had decided to contact me after so long, I learned that for some reason, after such a long time, he just felt an inexplicable urge to send me a message on the morning that had turned out to be my last day of prayer and fasting.
And thus began the start of something good. Until the night after our second date, when we were speaking on the phone and I asked him which church he attended. It was at this point that he went silent on the phone. He then said he had something to tell me, something that he had wanted to tell me face to face. I urged him to go on and that’s when he finally told me that he was a Muslim!
I honestly felt like I’d been slapped in the face by a mighty wave of shock and disbelief. Nevertheless, I simply informed him that we would just have to be friends and that as a believer in Christ, there would be no way that our relationship could go further towards the road of marriage.
Daniel 4:2-3 speaks of signs and wonders that God will reveal. Interesting that Dayo "popped up" right after her fast. The bigger point is God is not going to tell you to compromise his own Word to get a man and the Word tells us to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:11-18). If you're contemplating marrying an unbeliever, *as an unbeliever*, that's a form of deception (Matthew 24:4): self-deception.
And then the angel spoke to me. It said that God has seen that I’ve been worried about Dayo being a Muslim, but that I shouldn’t worry about it because in the Lord’s own time, He will bring Dayo to Christ and that the Lord has called for us to be together as husband and wife.
I was shocked, afraid, amazed and glad all at the same time. I couldn’t even speak and the Holy Spirit instructed me to write everything down that the angel had told me. I also wrote down the date and time that it happened and told my family about the visitation.
I was so happy. I had no clue when Dayo’s salvation would take place or when our wedding would be but I trusted in the Lord and even bought my wedding dress and started making wedding plans.
After this, for the next two years, every night at 3am, I would be awoken by the Holy Spirit...
I wrote and documented everything down, sharing the Lord’s messages with my family but not with Dayo, as the Lord had said that I was not to reveal these things to him. That He himself would reveal Himself to Dayo so that all of the Glory would go to God and not to any man.
This part reminds me of the movie Heaven Is for Real. I like that when the cynical members of the church asked the pastor if he really believed that his son saw heaven, he said "I believe he saw the heaven that God showed him." All throughout the Bible, angels came and spoke to people so...not gonna raise an eyebrow here. God reaches us as he chooses to and we're all different. The main point here: YES, JOURNAL WHAT YOU RECEIVE FROM THE LORD. It can help you throughout the struggling times.
It was fantastic being so close to God and knowing that He truly does care about the individual lives of His people. However, it was also a very hard period in my life, when my faith was tested time and time again and when I was receiving words of doubt from certain people around me and even threats of being disowned because of my relationship with Dayo, I would cry and ask God ‘why is this happening to me? Why couldn’t I just be with a good man from church, where I would have none of these complications’.
But God is so faithful. And He always has a plan...
I knew that for certain, when God decrees a thing, it will surely come to pass. Exactly 3 months after this, on a Friday, Dayo informed me that he had finally finished reading a book called The Shack, that I had given to him almost 18 months previous to this time, which helped him to understand the God Head and the dynamics of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit.
Don't confuse faith with presumption. *Presumption is telling God his will. Faith is believing what he told you*. In other words, don't tell God who your husband is; that is being presumptuous. However, when he reveals who he is to you, stand in it. Remember, James 1 tells us to ask in faith. It also tells us not to doubt, though. Doubting makes people unstable.
I can only give God the glory because it’s all by His doing. His plans for us will never fail and His pure love for us goes beyond anything that we could imagine.
I am truly grateful to God for blessing me with a man who, despite not being a Christian before, still respected my love for Christ and my views regarding no sex before marriage – a view that even my ex Christian boyfriends could never accept.
God has blessed me with the man of my dreams and brought me my true prince. In fact, at a time when I questioned God about His decision to bring me a Muslim man instead of a Christian, and I was beginning to feel envious of typical young ladies who found their husbands in Church, God’s exact words to me were: You have your prince in Dayo.
I truly bless the Lord for His faithfulness and I thank God for the encouragement and support of my close friends, my siblings, my father and especially my mother, because God revealed things concerning Dayo’s salvation to her and her support throughout it all has been an incredible blessing.
If God tells you who your husband is, more times than not (most times than not), godly people will come and confirm it. One way or another. If everyone around you is doubting/questioning/providing Scripture to challenge you on your stance and you know these people have a relationship with God, *listen to them*: "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise." (Proverbs 12:15-NKJV)
My prayer is that each and everyone of us will never leave the path that God has laid out for us, for when we are in right standing with the Lord, He will surely speak to us and direct us in our lives.
And for all the women and young ladies who are trusting in God for their future spouse, my prayer is that we will always put it into the Lord’s hands. He will surely tell you if He does not agree with you being with a certain individual but the choice will always be ours to either follow His perfect will for our lives or not.
One sign of knowing that God did tell you something, including who your husband is, is he will encourage you to stay the course. One way or another, you will constantly hear "My grace is sufficient" (2 Corinthians 12:9) and you will be content in that (Hebrews 13:5). I say that because when God has provided you with information, *if it's really of him*, he will provide you with the strength to stand and not waver. You will not be told so-and-so is your husband one month and then so-and-so is the one five months later. *That's not a revelation. That's a hallucination*. Much like the person who is so *thirsty* for water in the desert that they think they see water...when it's really just a figment of their imagination: a mirage: "Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:5-NKJV)
Something that all of these women have in common is that they discourage desperation, they encourage having a strong relationship with the Lord and they all speak to the importance of patience, prayer, wisdom, accountability, faith and respecting/submitting to God's timing.
All of this said...
I guess I didn't give a clear "yes" or "no" about if God will tell you, huh?
My discernment says this: "God will tell you. If you need to know."
And how is that helping (LOL)? Because God's understanding is infinite (Psalm 147:5). Based on your personality (Psalm 33:15), your relationship with him and your level of spiritual maturity (Hebrews 5:12-14), he determines how to approach you. Yet if you do believe that he has told you, I'm sharing all of this information because they serve as "guideposts" along the way.
Just know that God is not going to tell you something that is going to pull you further way from him nor is he going to tell you to "go off script" (the Bible) once you receive certain information. *If you really did hear from the Lord, regarding your future husband or anything else, fruit of spiritual growth will be a clear indicator. Because when God is involved in something, it's always for the purpose of making you more like him*.
If you do feel like you've been told who your husband is, shoot me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. I'd like to have prayer for and with you concerning it: "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.” (Matthew 18:18-20-NKJV)
And be patient in the meantime...
Use this as a time to prepare for "him"...
Not declare it to "him". (I've learned that from personal experience!)
In closing, from one more writer and her article "I Believe God Told Me Who My Husband Is":
You want the foundation of your relationship to be the Word of God which never fades away! The word that God spoke to you, He’s able to speak to him. Be patient. When he receives that word, he’s now bound to that word which God spoke. That will create a much greater covenant than your looks could ever create. And yes he will be attracted to you physically but you don’t want that to be the only thing that sends him your way. You want to make sure that he knows that he knows that he knows you are his wife from the Lord!