Monday, December 26, 2016

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Are You Spiritually Ready for Marriage?'


Image result for marriage preparation quotes

Welp...

"I think people focus so much on 'Can he provide?' more than they do the spiritual aspect of it." Yep. I'll say this. BIBLICALLY, provision *is* a part of the spiritual responsibility of a husband; however, I totally get where they are coming from. I deal with quite a few married couples who are like "Our marriage is in trouble" but when I'm like "Do you pray? Do you have devotional time together? DO YOU HAVE SEX?" ("Sex is as much a spiritual mystery as it is a physical fact"--I Corinthians 6:16--Message) they look at me like I'm crazy. MARRIAGE WAS NOT DESIGNED TO WORK WITHOUT GOD AND THAT MEANS HAVING A STRONG SPIRITUAL FOUNDATION AND BEING ON A DAILY WALK WITH HIM (2 CORINTHIANS 5:7, I THESSALONIANS 5:17, MATTHEW 6:11, EPHESIANS 5).

As people are preparing to go into the calendar new year, this is something to really and truly ponder (Proverbs 4:26). Why date someone who is not striving for spiritual growth? Why even contemplate marriage if your spirituality is not the top priority and a daily practice of your life?

I like how this wife says "I love your headship." HIGH PRAISE. It really is.

Food for thought...




Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: 'Why We are Waiting to Kiss'



I'm leading off with this quote because...

When God picks, you get a man who stands on conviction.

That said, on the topic of kissing, if you're wondering what my personal stand is...

I think that each couple is different. Kissing is not a sin and the Bible doesn't say not to do it. I know some couples who kissed and stopped until marriage. Even a few who didn't kiss until marriage. They seem to be quite adamant that others shouldn't do it. Yeah...well. Boaz and Ruth probably wouldn't have married if she "followed tradition", Esther wouldn't have saved her people if she didn't step out in boldness, some people God is expecting to love their spouse like Hosea loved Gomer. And I'm pretty sure those same couples wouldn't taken issue with those couples' journies.

So, I'm the kind of person who is like, "What the Bible says not to do, DON'T. What it doesn't mention, take the prayer. God reveals what's in his will for us all."

All of that said, there is something to be said for, at least considering, not kissing until your wedding day. Kissing triggers oxytocin, just like orgasms do. Kissing (if you're *really* into it) is about one of your body parts being in another (hmm...). Kissing can make it REALLY HARD to not take it to the point of ignoring the boundaries the Word does set.

At least consider where they're coming from. There is something very special loving someone enough to set such firm boundaries in the relationship. I'll definitely give them that.




Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: '8 Reasons We Aren't Feminists'


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"In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, when they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him---to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].

Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] [b]interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; but let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
 

For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them].
 

It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you]."---I Peter 3:1-6(AMPC)

Currently...

I'm rocking a flat top and one of my friend describes my style as "classy grundge". They are probably right because I am as much of a fan of wedge sneakers and graphic tees as I am jewelry, lip gloss and smell goods.

So, some people might be surprised to hear me say---and yes, I'm about to yell it---that I AM ABSOLUTELY NOT A FEMINIST. I could get into all of the reasons why, but personally, I think these two women pretty much summed it up. I am astonished by the amount of women who have *no* homemaking skills, who buck *the biblical instruction* of submission and want to challenge Proverbs 31 at seemingly every turn. And that's the women *in the Church* that I'm talking about.

If any of y'all have seen the movie *Think Like a Man*, you probably remember one of the characters telling her girlfriend, "You don't need a man. You ARE a man." Something to think about as you check out this video. God designed for ONE MAN and ONE WOMAN to get married (Genesis 2:24-25, I Corinthians 7:1-5). Not a woman who acts like a man---even spiritually---to marry a man. Anyway, here ya go:




Good GOD stuff. Remember, we're not supposed to be like the world...we're to be quite peculiar (I Peter 2:9-10). Including when it comes to our femininity!

Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

Saturday, December 17, 2016

An Ounce of Prevention: (VIDEO) A Godly Man Says Things Like This Groom Did

Come on young girls! Believe this! GODLY | Proverbs 31 Woman:

It's simple and can't be repeated enough...

DON'T SETTLE.

I always like wedding videos that are God-focused, Christ-centered and Holy Spirit-led. AND ones where there appears to be so much joy and happiness. This couple's video encompasses that so well.

At the end, the groom says this to his beloved:

I vow on this day that it will always take three
And that the world will have to end before you separate from me
I vow to go to the Bible in times of need
And vow to rely on God to help us succeed
I vow to make our lives the adventure you always dreamt of
While being the hands and feet of our Father up above
I vow to love you in a way this world will not comprehend
So that we can glorify God in ways that only he can understand
So, I declare our love in front of our families and friends
That God will be the center of our relationship ‘til the very end

Wait for a man who can stand firm in his commitment to God first *and then* to you:



Beautiful. Absolutely so.

Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

Thursday, December 15, 2016

"On Fire": (VIDEOS) You're the 'BRIDE OF CHRIST' Either Way

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"'Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused,' says your God. "---Isaiah 54:4-6(NKJV)


I've never been big on "Jesus is my boyfriend" talk...

To me, it trivializes him, the role that he serves (our boyfriend nor husband is our Savior) and comes off a bit flippant (i.e., disrespectful). At the same time, that doesn't mean that I don't get the parallels that are made in the Word about God being our husband in the lead Scripture here and in Psalm 45. In the New Kings James Version, the title of that chapter is "The Glories of the Messiah and His Bride".

And, as I was praying for the women participating in the future husband prayer project last night, a thought came to me. I've already done some research on why God would call him "our husband" and why the Church is the "bride of Christ" (Matthew 25 is a great parable about this). The Godhead are not to do for us what a human man---a flawed human man, at that---is to do. However, they do provide, protect, nourish and cherish us. AND, they set the standard of what a covenant is to look like so that when our time comes to be joined to our earthly mate, we have a clearer understanding of what the Godhead expects of us and from us.

MARRIAGE IS TO MODEL THE GODHEAD'S COVENANT.
THEY AGREE AS ONE (I JOHN 5:8).
A HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE TO BECOME ONE (GENESIS 2:24-25).

When I was taking all of this into account, I saw some videos of men crying (or being flat-out thrilled!) as their bride was coming towards them in a whole new light (Psalm 18:28). And then, another verse in Scripture revealed itself in another fashion:

"Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and [refresh your souls.] Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me, for I am gentle (meek) and humble (lowly) in heart, and you will find rest (relief and ease and refreshment and recreation and blessed quiet) for your souls."---Matthew 11:28-29(NKJV)

Take 6 does an awesome vocal arrangement of these verses:



I can only imagine how much *less anxious* (Philippians 4:6-7) and *less worried* (Matthew 6:25-34) we would be, about marriage and everything else, if we stopped going to the Lord so much about a man (or whatever else we're desiring), and simply came to him and allowed him to put our souls to rest. In rest, burdens are lifted (keeping his commandments makes life less burdensome too, by the way---I John 5:3), and he is able to speak to us about our purpose, worth and value. We can trust that as we spend more time with the Lord and learn to *really and truly and divinely trust him*, we can REST in being a bride. Either way.

AND THAT caused me to look at these men crying (or being full of joy) at the sight of their wives-to-be in such a profound way. When a woman *chooses* to marry a godly man, she should be seeing Christ-like characteristics in him. Shouldn't we all believe that when we *choose* to come to the Lord with all that concerns us (I Peter 5:6-7) that he too is moved? That he also finds us to be precious and beautiful in his sight? That he also sees us as extremely valuable?

I encourage you to think about this as you watch these videos below. Until the time comes, if God so chooses it's best, for you to be joined to your beloved (Genesis 2:22), *walk towards the Lord*. He's ALWAYS going to love you better than ANY MAN can. And the Word assures that he will provide rest unto your souls...until.











Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

Friday, December 9, 2016

An Ounce of Prevention: '9 Reasons (You May Not Know) Why Christian Single Ladies Can't Find Their Boaz, David or Joseph'

Stop Getting in your own way. via Social Work Practice blog:

"It’s best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it."---Ecclesiastes 7:18(Message)

Reality checks...

We all need them from time to time. While doing some research for the prayer project I'm doing with some ladies, I found an article that brings up all kinds of practical points. It's called "9 Reasons (You May Not Know) Why Christian Single Ladies Can't Find Their Boaz, David or Joseph". Here are some excerpts:

Many Christian ladies want a man that “knows where he is going”… but God’s men usually don’t have a clue: Think about that for a moment. Think through the Bible…all the great men that had relationships with God and who he used and blessed….they usually didn’t have a clue about where they were going and (here is the even crazier part) even if they had a clue, their lives for a long time did not reflect that great place God said he was taking them. Just think about it. All the way from Abraham …going to a land he did not know; Joseph having a dream that people would bow down to him but became a slave and then a prisoner; David who was anointed to be King and then lived the next 15 years in the wilderness as a fugitive; Peter the great fisher of men who was barely able to catch fish.

These men would have had a rough time finding a wife today. Could you imagine?

-----

Many ladies forget that good Christian men look for women who share similar non-romantic, non-spiritual values: Sure he should be romantic and sure he must share those spiritual values but eerrmmm ladies…these Christian brothers are looking for those other character traits as well that speak to the OPERATION of your possible lives together. Dependability, thriftiness, work ethic, time management, hard work, follow-through and so on.

One of the first things we learn about Ruth for example, was her work ethic. ( Ruth chapter 2). She knew how to pull her hair back, forget about her nails, roll up her sleeves and get on the grind. She worked really hard and even when she got the attention of the “well established guy with the sensitive heart” she didn’t stop working. She took the break that he offered her and went back to work.

----

Good Christian men know their worth too and don’t want to settle either: Yeah ladies…men are understanding their worth a bit more too.Christian men are getting more and more comfortable attending relationship seminars and getting information about seeking God’s face for a wife. They are realizing how powerful of an impact a wife has on the outcome of their lives and ministry, and they are spending more time trying to see what is beneath the surface. They know that a woman can make or break everything. They realize that a woman’s desires can accelerate him towards purpose or derail him.

They are praying more and they are realizing that while you still remain a prize, they too are precious in God’s eyes and want to do right by him. They are realizing that a wife can make or break a man.

Yes they are praying for a Ruth but they are also praying against Delilah as well.


Yeah buddy. Good stuff. And that's only *a little bit* of the piece!

Make the time and pass it along.

Over and out.


Proverbs 12:4,

SRW

Saturday, December 3, 2016

"On Fire": (PRAYER PROJECT) Would You Like Intercession for You & Your Future Husband?

Sounds like a quote from my mom. :):

"But godliness with contentment is great gain."---I Timothy 6:6(NKJV)


I mentioned in a recent post that...

I was going to be doing more interceding for single women who desire marital covenant in this season (Ecclesiastes 3). I received confirmation that now was time when I checked out two pieces.

First "How Can You Know If You Are Ready to Be a Godly Wife?" It's basically a (relatively long yet thorough) list of questions. I'm going to include 15 here. Click on the link to check 'em all out:

Are you able to be content whether you are in a relationship with a man or not – depending totally on Christ for your fulfillment, purpose, strength, and security?
 

Are you able to deeply and sincerely forgive when you are sinned against?
 

Are you willing to not take over or try to be in control – allowing your man to make mistakes as he leads and grows as a leader?
 

Are you willing to live frugally, if necessary, when there are hard financial times – without resentment?
 

Are you willing to do housework and to keep a decent home, creating a haven and place of peace, rest, and joy for your husband?
 

Have you worked through any trust issues and healed from childhood wounds? To some degree, you can’t completely know ahead of time how marriage may bring these up even more, but have you addressed these things and are you seeking Christ and His healing and His truth in these areas?
 

Are you truly finding all of your contentment in Christ alone, or are you expecting your man or marriage or children or romance to make you happy? What will you do when your husband fails you – as all husbands do to some degree?
 

Are you ready to realize that marriage is much more about Jesus and about your faith in Him than it is about you and your husband? Are you able to see that you are playing a part that God has assigned for you to bring people to Christ? That marriage is about the gospel and about drawing many to Jesus much more than it is about you?
 

Are you able to take responsibility for your own emotions, your own spiritual growth and happiness?
 

Will you be flexible if his calling changes?
 

What are your expectations of marriage? Once you get married, are you willing to lay down your expectations?
 

Is there anything your man could do that would make you want to divorce him? If so – you may not be ready for marriage. For a believing wife, divorce really should not be an option.
 

Are you able to respond gently when someone is harsh with you (Prov. 15:1)?
What is it that you need to be happy in life? If you believe you need anything other than Christ alone – you may be dealing with idolatry. It would be good to look at your motives and priorities and to allow God to help you examine them carefully. We can easily deceive ourselves to think we are serving Christ but put other things above Him in our hearts. 

Are you prepared to 1. love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength no matter what. 2. love this man with God’s love?

As you can tell through the phrasing of some of these questions, this was basically written for someone who is already in a serious relationship. However, whether you're in one or not, a lot of this certainly applies to all women who desire marriage. I dig the list because it gets us out of fantasy land and into reality (Ecclesiastes 7:18--Message).

And did you notice that there was a particular word that came up more than once? CONTENT.

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'"---Hebrews 13:5(NKJV)

"Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!]"---Hebrews 13:5(AMPC)

BE CONTENT.
BE SATISFIED.

These are not mere suggestions.
These are biblical commands.

Content: satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else; British. agreeing; assenting; Archaic. willing

Satisfied: to fulfill the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of (a person, the mind, etc.); give full contentment to; to put an end to (a desire, want, need, etc.) by sufficient or ample provision

Anyone who is constantly preoccupied with wanting to have a man/being in a relationship/get married, they are already showing signs of not being content or satisfied. Whether we realize it or not, it's a sign of disobedience...and to a certain extent, distrust (Proverbs 3:4-6). Matthew 6:8(NKJV) tells us "For your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him."

Translation: IF YOU *NEEDED* a husband right now, you would *HAVE* one.

How content are *you* with your present circumstances?
If you're not, that might be the first thing to pray about.

Quote from IS GOD SAYING HE'S THE ONE?: Hearing from Heaven about That Man in Your Life ~ For a free sample of this Christian book, click this link: www.amazon.com/... ~ #single:

However, if you are content (again, that's something to pray about, not simply assume that you are) and you have a desire to be married or, even better, having received a confirmation from God himself that you are called to it (Matthew 19:1-12--Message), one of the first things to keep in mind is the title of I Corinthians 7:17 (NKJV). It says "Live as You Are Called".

A godly wife in preparation doesn't date around (she guards her heart--Proverbs 4:23).

A godly wife in preparation is not sexually active (I Corinthians 6:16-20--Message).

A godly wife in preparation studies *the Word's standards* for being a helpmate (Ephesians 5, I Peter 3).

A godly wife in preparation cares more about God's timing than her own (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

A godly wife in preparation doesn't settle for someone who does not honor God's Word and boundaries (2 Corinthians 6:11-18).

And, a wife in preparation knows that prayer is profound and powerful!

It brings wholeness (James 1:4).
It brings wisdom (James 1:5).
It brings peace (Philippians 4:6-7).
It brings power (James 5:16).
It brings "the avoidance of temptation" (I Corinthians 10:13).

It brings you all the more into the will of God (I John 5:14-15)!
And shouldn't that be what we ALL want?

God's will...
WHATEVER HE THINKS IS BEST!!!

So, in the honor of this very thing, I want to share a project entitled "Prayers for My Future Husband: 2 Week Prayer Journey". Starting Wednesday, December 7 thru Wednesday, December 21 if you want to partake in this prayer project, shoot an email to missnosipho@gmail.com, share your requests and as you're praying for "him", I'll intercede for you.

I really do adore how these women broke the project down:

Step 1.There are 14 prayers for you to pray for your future husband for 14 days.

Step 2.We want you as the reader, to read it,

Step 3. Pray it and

Step 4. Write/or pray it in your own words.

Step 5. Save all your written prayers for your honeymoon! Give your husband one prayer a day on your special honeymoon, it will make it even more special.

But after the 14th prayer it doesn’t have to end there. This 2 week journey is just a jump-start for you! After Prayers for our Future Husbands ends, you can continue to pray in your daily devotions, before you go to bed, when your sitting in the living room, when your doing dishes, etc. Whenever you remember to, just pray!
 

We hope you will join us in our 2 week prayer journey. Your future husbands need it ladies!

I agree! The first prayer is this:

Day 1

Lord, I don’t know who my future husband will be but you do. So I willingly trust you with my life and his. I want to lift my future husband up to you this weekend Lord. Please give him a great weekend! Help him to enjoy his friends and family. Give him peace and rest from the hard work week. Help him to keep his eyes on you and to encounter your presence in a whole new way! I pray that he would be able to make the right choices and decisions when it comes to his plans this weekend. Help him to be a light and shining example to his friends this weekend. Lord, whatever he does let it be a reflection of his love for you and may he bring you glory. Please help him know you love him and are looking out for him. Thank you Jesus. I love you and want to bring You and my future husband honor.
 

Amen.

As far as the purpose of prayer itself, Oswald Chambers breaks it down well:

To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature. 

*PRAYER CHANGES THE WAY WE LOOK AT THINGS*. AMEN.

So, in preparation for the calendar New Year, God's timing is awesome (Acts 1:7--Message)!

Shoot me an email, at the completion of this project, I'll send you something in return...
And let's see what God does (Ephesians 3:20-21).

Oh, feel free to do this at any time, but to get in on the intercession and seed, I'll need emails *no later than 6pm(CST) on Tuesday* so that I can get things organized on my end.

Here's to a divine connection!
"I will cry out to God Most High, to God who performs all things for me." (Psalm 57:2--NKJV)


Proverbs 12:4,

SRW



Tuesday, November 29, 2016

"On Fire": QUOTES OF THE DAY

You are a grown woman and you should take on that role with purpose and determination.:

Christian dating:

#Soulmate #Godly #relationship:

100 Inspirational and Motivational Quotes of All Time! (38):

Thank you Lord for shutting that door and giving me peace. I finally see why I had to let that go. The light cannot shine in darkness! I am not going to go back to a life of confusion and sin. It's perfectly clear to me now..I have a better understanding of how you take care of your children. Thank you Jesus.:

Marry someone who makes you fall in love with God every single day:

Great one by my buddy @wealthy_vibes. It's these days that define us! Follow…:

How much of life do we miss by waiting to see the rainbow before thanking God for the rain? -Dieter F. Uchtdorf:


God Sends the Storm to Show He Is the Only Shelter - Inspirations:

Surround yourself with likeminded believers. Read how on today’s daily devotional for women ==> godlywoodgirl.com Motivation Quote:

@quitewomenco:

I never knew how strong I was until I had to forgive someone who wasn't sorry, and accept an apology I never received.:

Come on young girls! Believe this! GODLY | Proverbs 31 Woman:

Pray Big Chalkboard Printable & Prayer Request Page - Hymns and Verses:

Heute würde ich einfach so gerne mit Dir den Abend verbringen - mich einfach nur übers Leben unterhalten - als wäre das ganz normal und alltäglich.:

If I date you, my goal is to marry you, build with you, grow with you, I'm not dating you to pass time, I see potential in you.:

Just because she has high standards doesn't mean she’s high maintenance. Don’t confuse the two. - Steve Maraboli:

Dreams and Ambition | @maryavenue7:

Totally LOVE this quote! #Truth #Quotes:

ριntєrєѕt: @αlrєadуtαkєnxσ♡:

Pinny@Kadri'Dray✨ Follow for more ʙᴀʙʏɢɪʀʟs:

I don’t do well with hints. You’re an adult. Speak your mind.

** curiano.com ** Visit Now! Collection of #Quotes, #Love Quotes, Life #Quote:

#Success #Quotes Chase Your Dreams @styleestate:

Love Notes To My Future Husband:

Nope I don't but I u on the other hand can't stop and all u can say is I'm fat Bitch please I still look better than u on my worst day....funny how u can't stop posting about me.....lmfao oh but I'm the one who needs to grow up bahahaha crazy how ur so delusional:

This Pin was discovered by Maria Paula Helmick. Discover (and save!) your own Pins on Pinterest.:

Strong women don't play the victim, don't make themselves look pitiful, and don't point fingers. They stand and they deal. ~Mandy Hale.:

Have the highest standard for your future husbands relationship with God.:

It's difficult to follow your dream. It's a tragedy not to.:

An Ounce of Prevention: Mad Wisdom from Jill Scott and Brandy in a Minute

Learn it bitch, a real woman can keep a great man and not make him hate you and still stay with you because you tell him if he leaves you he wont see his son. Hahah you are so stupid.:

"For even though by this time you ought to be teaching others, you actually need someone to teach you over again the very first principles of God’s Word. You have come to need milk, not solid food. For everyone who continues to feed on milk is obviously inexperienced and unskilled in the doctrine of righteousness (of conformity to the divine will in purpose, thought, and action), for he is a mere infant [not able to talk yet]! But solid food is for full-grown men, for those whose senses and mental faculties are trained by practice to discriminate and distinguish between what is morally good and noble and what is evil and contrary either to divine or human law."---Hebrews 5:12-14(AMPC)


So...

I was checking out some footage from Brandy's performance over the weekend and "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33--AMPC) this video. WISDOM. Minute wisdom. It's basically this verse remixed: "Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity." (I Timothy 4:12--NKJV)



And since this blog is covenant-marriage-centered, you might wanna check out a few pieces:

"7 Signs You're Not Mature Enough to Get Married" (gonna just include the list, click on the link to read it all):

You Tell Porkers 
You’re Selfish 
You Put Your Girls Before Your Guy 
You’re Jealous 
You’re Not Independent 
You Don’t Know What 
You Want You’re Lazy 

"'Run to the Altar' Syndrome: 10 Signs You’re Not Ready for Marriage" (excerpts):

If you’ve been to a grocery store check-out line, turned on the television, or even connected with friends on social media sites, chances are you’ve been inundated by the magazines, commercials, reality shows, advertisements, etc. portraying a fantasy-driven story line pertaining to marriage.

The entire objective of this media is to get you to buy in to the idea of marriage—that marriage is the epitome of a successful life, of being happy—and the only legitimate relationship status. And (oh, by the way) to buy the product they’re selling related to making your Big Day super-duper special. 

Chances are you’ve bought in---at least partially---to the romantic idea of an over-sized diamond ring, expensive wedding and that all will be good and golden once you are safely married. You’ll be blissfully happy, secure and together forever.

I don’t want to burst your marriage bubble, but lately it seems like people are rushing into marriage all too quickly, without thoughtfully considering what marriage is—and is not.

Marriages can be as different as the people who are in them, and many of them, of course, are both wonderful and enduring. However, when you do what I do for a living—work with people who experience heartache, financial duress, frustration and disappointment due to separation and divorce—you start to recognize the common denominators of those who were ready and those who should have taken more time to make this “forever” decision.


“Run-to-the-Altar Syndrome” Checklist

Wedding Day Fantasy
Better Than Nothing
Attention From Others
Know Thyself
Five Key Areas (That You Need to Discuss with 'Him')
Trust
Families
Communication Style
Life-long Playmate
Annoying Little Things


"8 Signs You Might Not Be Ready to Get Married" (just the list, click to read it all---a Jewish guy penned it):

If you’re serious about getting married and find that your dating experiences aren’t taking you to Chuppahland, perhaps it’s a good idea to pause, reflect, and correct course as needed. I dated a very long time before I finally met my bashert. Looking back, (hindsight is always 20/20) I can see that I wasn’t ready to receive the gift of my wife for a combination of the following reasons (see if any of these apply to you):

If you’re serious about getting married and find that your dating experiences aren’t taking you to Chuppahland, perhaps it’s a good idea to pause, reflect, and correct course as needed. I dated a very long time before I finally met my bashert. Looking back, (hindsight is always 20/20) I can see that I wasn’t ready to receive the gift of my wife for a combination of the following reasons (see if any of these apply to you):

I had several different jobs over the years and couldn’t find a career that was a “right fit”
My career was the most important thing to me.
I kept attracting the same type of person.
I didn’t want a “shadchan” or “middle person” involved. I wanted to “go it alone.”
I was too busy doing other things to arrange dates.
I was in the middle of a major life transition.
 Was I prepared to commit and pop the question?


And this next one is a winner because if God is not the center of your DATING relationship, then you are DEFINITELY not ready for marriage. As a relationships writer by the name of  Jenifer Fair recently said, "Dating is an interview process. Literally. Interview wisely because you can't fire them after marriage." YES!

When you raise your standards, only the boys will disappear. The men will step up to meet them.:

"7 Ways to Tell if You Are in a God-Ordained Relationship" (excerpts):

You Are Equally Yoked Christians
 

The operative word here is Equally yoked.  By this I mean you are both Christians for starters and are both in a similar place in your walk with Jesus.  If one of you walks closely with Him and the other barely knows Him, you are not Equally Yoked.  You must have a strong Spiritual connection with one another.  You must view and worship God in a similar fashion. You can talk openly about God and can spur each other on in your faith and walk with Christ.  You should be able to pray together as a couple and pray for one another when you are apart. This prayer should come naturally and without hesitation. I cannot emphasize enough how critical this point is. It’s not enough that both of you believe in Jesus Christ. If you are not equally yoked spiritually, your relationship will unravel quickly.

You Are Both Marriage Minded
 

You both share similar goals about marriage; you are both ready for it. The time frame should be within one to two years at the most. If neither of you are ready for marriage, why are you dating? Recreational Dating is not advisable for Born Again Bible Believing Christians; it only leads to sin, which dishonors God, then God doesn’t bless the union. This ends up causing long term issues in the marriage by blurring the lines between lust and love.

Once lust and the physical aspect has already been introduced in the relationship, the waters are muddied and both parties cannot see or think clearly. This is also a warning sign that the relationship is not God-ordained.


You Are Both Marriage Minded
 

You both share similar goals about marriage; you are both ready for it. The time frame should be within one to two years at the most. If neither of you are ready for marriage, why are you dating? Recreational Dating is not advisable for Born Again Bible Believing Christians; it only leads to sin, which dishonors God, then God doesn’t bless the union. This ends up causing long term issues in the marriage by blurring the lines between lust and love.

Once lust and the physical aspect has already been introduced in the relationship, the waters are muddied and both parties cannot see or think clearly. This is also a warning sign that the relationship is not God ordained.

If only one of you is ready to get married, then you are incompatible and shouldn’t date.  This also turns into recreational dating for the one who isn’t ready to marry and a big waste of time for the one who is ready to marry. When an individual is ready for marriage after spending quality time with God in worship, sanctification, and service, nothing pleases Him more than to bring a suitable mate for that individual in the covenant of Marriage.

In Genesis 24:1-23, Abraham sent his servant to seek a wife for his son Isaac.  He was very choosy by sending his servant back to his country to find a suitable mate for his one and only son. Before meeting Rebekah, the servant said a prayer to God asking for wisdom.  Rebekah proved herself worthy when she served water to this servant and his camels. She unknowingly showed her diligence and work ethic which was the sign he was looking for in finding “The One.”
 

You Have Complete Peace
 

When your relationship is God ordained, it will be simple, uncomplicated, and should run smoothly. It won’t be perfect, but will seem effortless. Your schedules don’t collide. You both have time to go to church, serve God, and enjoy time together. Your lives converge easily without too much effort. Both your friends and families approve. There is no drama, fighting, or constant bickering. Peace will permeate your spirit when God ordains your relationship.   When you think about that person, you smile and thank God for bringing you a perfect and wonderful gift. “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father…”  (James 1:17)

You Enjoy Being with That Person
 

Take away the iPhone, Facebook, Cable TV, games, and all media. If you were stranded on a deserted island with this person with only a bible, would you have the adventure of a lifetime or does getting a root canal seem more appealing?  This is the true test of compatibility. When you can sit with this person without distractions and physical intimacy and can laugh, communicate, connect, and enjoy yourself, you are on the right track, because you have the foundation of a Godly Friendship in place.

The thought of this person gets you excited spiritually and emotionally. Out of all the people you know, this person is the first person you want to share your victories and trials with. Their presence and their input is what you look forward to at the end of your day. You see Jesus in their countenance and demeanor.


Communication, Communication, Communication!
 

When it comes to Real Estate it’s Location, Location, Location!  But in a relationship, it’s Communication to the third power! You must be able to speak freely both ways.  The best communicators are active listeners. They are also great at articulating their thoughts and feelings through speaking and writing. It’s best to find someone who can communicate at your level and listens intently to your every word. After all, we have two ears and one mouth. The bible tells us it’s better to listen before speaking. 

Majority Approves
 

Most if not all your friends and family must approve of your mate. These are people who know you, love you, and want what’s best for you. Sometimes we can get emotionally and physically caught up in someone and not see the “Big Picture.” This is where our friends and family come in. Their opinions and insights count. Obviously, be cautious of those who are not basing their opinions on Biblical virtues. But otherwise, trust them! If a majority of them disapprove of your choice, God is trying to tell you something. Don’t ignore their opinions. They are God’s messengers for your protection. Your relationship will not thrive in a bubble or a vacuum. God did not intend that for any marriage. If anything, your relationship is meant to be an illustration to the world of God’s goodness, faithfulness, and love.


God Gives You a Supernatural Love for this Person
 

When God ordains a relationship, He gives you Supernatural examples to confirm His approval of your union. It won’t take years or months. Sometimes it’s a matter of hours or weeks to know you are in the presence of “The One.”  Now granted, if you met in high school, then it will take years, but when you are at an appropriate age, it doesn’t take long to figure it out if God is in the center of your relationship. A man will be overcome with the desire to see the woman more often, while the woman won’t have time to fret over his intentions or feelings. 

Ladies, if you are sitting around fretting over some guy who isn’t calling you or wanting to spend more time with you, give it to God. You could be wasting your precious time and energy on the wrong guy. Instead of being fixated on Mr. Wrong, focus on what you should be doing, which is serving God. 


The Takeaways:
 

1 – A Spiritual Connection centered on Christ and set apart by His precepts is a requirement in a God Ordained Relationship.
 

2 – Physical attraction and emotional connection doesn’t last and is not God’s main criteria in selecting a mate for you.
 

3 – God wants to bless you with a mate who will bring you closer to Him, not farther from Him. He will present the person who will bring you to a more intimate relationship with Him so He will be glorified through your union.
 

4 – Recreational Dating: leads to sin, doesn’t honor God, and prepares you more for divorce, than marriage.
 

5 – Communication either flows freely or it just doesn’t.  A communication blockage is a Red Flag!
 

6 – Majority Approval is a must! God reveals His truth through our family and friends when we no longer listen to Him.
 

7 – Wait on God’s choice for you! When God ordains it, it will be exceedingly and abundantly more than you could ask or think!  


My first book was about the very point that Miss Jill Scott made about the 20s, but being spiritually mature isn't about age. It's about your relationship with God, your respect for his Word and your willingness to embrace HIS TRUTHS about relationships, marriage and sex.

Please take heed and please choose wisely!

Proverbs 12:4,

SRW


An Ounce of Prevention: 'Headship & Submission: Is it an issue of competence or calling?'

Submitting to our husbands in marriage can be tough! It's not something that is widely talked about, and it takes some practice to get it right. If you've ever wondered how in the world you'll be able to give into submission in marriage as God intended, this post is for you! Click through to read some of the basics I have been learning on how to submit to my husband!:

Yeah...

I've been fond of Jackie Perry-Hill for a while. It's been amazing to watch her transformation. It reminds me so much of "A transformed woman will embrace the transforming God!" (Jeremiah 31:22(Message).

Anyway, she and her husband did a Periscope video and posted it yesterday on the topic of leadership and submission. I like this point that was brought up: "submission is a calling, feminism is culture". It reminds me of what William Wilberforce once said. He said that the problem with Christianity is that people follow faith and not culture and culture always changes. We're not to do what's popular. We're to do what's true...what's rooted in biblical truth (Luke 6:26--Message)---and submission is biblical truth:

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord."---Colossians 3:18(NKJV)

"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything."---Ephesians 5:22-24(NKJV)

Anyway, check it out. Some real gems in here...





Proverbs 12:4,

SRW


Wednesday, November 16, 2016

"On Fire": Did 'He' Reject You? Or Did God Protect You from Him?

Displaying rejection.jpg

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, beautiful in every way."---Song of Solomon 4:7(NLT)

Hey Ladies,

Whew! I can't BELIEVE how this year is soaring by! So, before getting into the message, let's do some housekeeping first.

1) If you've been rocking with the blog for a while, you probably notice that I haven't been posting as much as I used to. I write (and marriage counsel) more than ever, so time is not like what it used to be. I'm not sure if I'll be doing weekly posts or not (although I'll still be putting *at least* a couple of things up each month). Some weeks there might be several things and some weeks none. I will say this: I pen devotionals three times a week. That's consistent. If you want to get on the list, shoot me an email at missnosipho@gmail.com. I also devote Thursdays to marriage content with the devos. It's called "Marital Covenant Thursdays". If you'd like to receive those only, also send me an email. I will *try* and remember to just send you those each week (although that's an extra step on my part, so I might forget from time to time).

2) Speaking of devotionals, yesterday I penned one on midwives. Long story short, I know God has called me to covenant teaching and praying for people as it relates to covenant-keeping. If you'd like prayer for your situation, send me an email. Let me know what's going on, what you're desiring and how you'd like me to touch and agree. Going to be doing more interceding on this issue in 2017.

3) My inboxes are INSANE. So, if you're someone who was a part of a giveaway in 2016 and you never received "it", please let me know. Please charge it to the keep-up and nothing more, but do let me know. Definitely want to get the books squared up before this calendar year comes to a close.

Now to today's message..

Message me if you want to talk about the Bible :) Looking for a bible study…:


There is an author and relationship coach who both shared something that I discern is relevant---pertinent even---to today's message:

"Just because you do something in the name of love doesn't mean it's biblical. I did a lot of things my past in the name of love that were actually done in the name of selfish desire."---Jarrid Wilson

"Some women say, 'I'm waiting on God' when in reality, it's 'I've been doing things MY way and that's why I haven't attracted the right man.'"---Cheyenne Bostock

Amen, 50 times over, to both of these guys!!!

Just yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine who's a relationship coach. I was telling him that a blast from my past (pun intended and not intended) has recently made it known that he wants to reconnect. It appears that he may be getting a divorce and at one point, we loved each other deeply.

Roy Disney once said "It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." Pretty sure everyone knows that a divorced individual is not an option for me because A) the Word says that divorced people should remain unmarried or be reconciled to the person they already made promises/vows to (which includes not just their spouse but God himself---I Corinthians 7:10-11, Ecclesiastes 5:1-7) and B) I'm not big on "regifting"; that's what I call returning to the scene of the crime of sexual sin, and sexual sin is indeed a spiritual crime and transgression...among other things (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10, Revelation 21:8). Not that I don't think that two people who have had sex with each before can't repent (I Corinthians 7:9-10), be restored and move forward. For me personally, I want my wedding night to be a surprise and not a rerun is all. Plus, I've witnessed firsthand in counseling how sex before marriage comes back to bite couples in ways they did not predict. Sowing and reaping are a spiritual science (Galatians 6:9). Be careful what you plant.

For these reasons, Yeah, I'm good on dude. Don't get me wrong. I've seen pics of him. He's still fine. I also know his family. He still seems to be a good guy. Lately, I thought about the fact that there were a few years following our...ending when I felt rejected (bookmark that) by both him and God. That's how much I wanted to be with him. It seemed pretty painful that we could be so close, "in love" and yet it couldn't work out.

Jarrid is right...
LOVE IS NOT TRUE LOVE IF THE BIBLICAL STANDARD IS BEING IGNORED.

Cheyenne is right...
THE RIGHT MAN COMES BY DOING THINGS THE RIGHT WAY---GOD'S WAY.

See, Satan lusts ('cause he doesn't "love" anything) for us to set out and doing things our way, it not work out and then we either blame God, distance ourselves from God or assume we are being rejected because we're not good enough. Hmph. The reality (Ecclesiastes 7:18--Message) is usually more along the lines of a quote by a person by the name of L.E. Kinzie that I read this just this morning: "Sin is having our loves out of order."

SIN. IS. HAVING. YOUR. LOVES. OUT. OF. ORDER.

Christ told us what our main love focus should be:

"'And you shall love the Lord your God out of and with your whole heart and out of and with all your soul (your life) and out of and with all your mind (with your faculty of thought and your moral understanding) and out of and with all your strength.' This is the first and principal commandment. The second is like it and is this, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no other commandment greater than these."---Mark 12:30-31(AMPC)

quotes about having the strength to move on - Google Search:

There are so many wives (I mean, like of epidemic proportion!) who did not get this down as single women. As a result, they are making their husbands completely miserable because they have made them---along with their unrealistic ideals and expectations about marriage---a god (Exodus 20:3). Because God was not the most important being and relationship to them on the front end of marriage, they are looking to a flawed human being to be their all and all now. That's too much pressure for ANY one human being to bear.

And when our loves are "out of order" as a single person, oftentimes the relationship we are in or the person that we want will not work out. Why? *Because God is not going to give us someone to worship*, and if we try and "force his hand" by exerting our free will over his divine one, oftentimes this is the result: "And He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul." (Psalm 106:15--NKJV) Far too many people want a relationship at the expense of their soul *or* soul salvation. IT'S. NOT. WORTH. IT.

THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP ENCOURAGES YOU TO GROW IN GOD...
NOT TEMPTS YOU TO DO WHAT WILL INFECT YOUR INTIMACY WITH HIM.

And so, sometimes, no matter how hard we try to make a relationship work or get a guy to notice or want us...things don't go as we plan. Satan wants us to think we're being *rejected* when really what we're being is *protected*.

Satan is a liar. The Ultimate One (John 8:44).
He wants us to to see relationships not working out as us being rejected:

Reject: to refuse to have, take, recognize, etc.; to discard as useless or unsatisfactory

God is our Heavenly Father and Possessor of all (Genesis 14:19).
He loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3) and is the Creator of marriage (Genesis 2:18-25). He wants us to be with someone who will love us as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5) so that our marriage can model to the world how love is to *truly* be (I Corinthians 13:4-8). Marriage, after all, is about HIM waaaaaay before it's about US.

And so, when things don't work out, go as planned, or happen in the time that we want (Ecclesiastes 3:11, Acts 1:7--Message), it's important to, yes, *reject the idea of you being rejected* and, instead spend time in prayer (I Thessalonians 5:17) about if what's *really happening* is you are being protected:

Protect: to defend or guard from attack, invasion, loss, annoyance, insult, etc.; cover or shield from injury or danger

YOU ARE FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE (PSALM 139:14) BY THE MAKER OF YOU AND OF MARRIAGE! THERE'S NO WAY THAT GOD SEES YOU AS USELESS OR UNSATISFACTORY!

I will say this: There *are* some relationships that God may see that way in the sense that they are not purpose-filled. We have to remember that *everything* God does has purpose in it (Ecclesiastes 3), so if who you're wanting is not going to help you to fulfill your purpose and/or you're not going to help them to fulfill theirs (Psalm 20:4), because God's ways are not our own (Isaiah 55:8-11), sometimes he will put barriers up. To guard us, to cover us and to shield us. Until it's time for us to be BROUGHT/PRESENTED (Genesis 2:22) to the man who will see us, spiritually first as truly beautiful:

Beautiful: having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind; excellent of its kind; wonderful; fantastic; extraordinary; incredible

Marriage needs to be BEAUTIFUL in the eyes of God...
We should want to desire this *more than* being seen as DESIRABLE by any man.

We need to strive to work with God to guard our heart (Proverbs 4:23)...
Until the RIGHT man comes along.

Whatever you may be going through right now...
If you're tempted to feel rejected, hopefully this is your "way of escape" (I Corinthians 10:13).

You deserve more than *just* a relationship...
You deserve something that GOD FIRST finds to be truly beautiful.

You are precious to him...
Let him *protect you* until *he decides* that time is right!



Proverbs 12:4,

SRW