As my goddaughter's mother says "Hit dog will holler" (LOL)...
I was in the midst of doing some work for a friend and checked out a string of comments that women were posting on social media in response (more like reaction) to something R&B singer Tyrese said, apparently on his Instagram recently:
All white fleet with beige guts............. I was just asked today what qualities attract me at this point in a women.... I love a woman that's smart, confident, educated, self sufficient, (( available to be as spontaneous as this lifestyle I live.) I use to be attracted to women with HUGE personalities LOUD and AGGRESSIVE and I would always (h)it a wall.... Now I'm in a zone where I am ONLY attracted to women who's voice is so soft and she has the energy and presence of grace and regal sophistication..... Not subservient REGAL!!! As sexy as my small collection is I never leave home I'm too grown for clubs and turn up every night..... Although I make moves sometimes.... I'm on my #GrownManS--t heavy....... I can't wait to get home........ I don't remember the last time I lost sleep over a hater..... This is a life and lifestyle that I've earned... I use to feel bad about being so blessed and allowed people to play me, use me, take advantage of me... Play on my emotions to get s--t out of me cause I had more..... That ATM is shut all the way down...... I'm 3,500 flights, a lot of sleepless nights, a lot of stages and political warfare into this life and lifestyle if you want it get off your ass and GO GET IT!!!!!!! Message to my future wife...... Hello!
Two points first...
I believe Tyrese is divorced and I also believe he professes to be a believer so someone might want to hip him to I Corinthians 7:10-11, Matthew 19:1-12 and also one of my favorite articles on marriage: "The Role of Marriage in the Kingdom of God". Secondly, back in my entertainment writing days, I interviewed Tyrese for Upscale before. He seems to still be as much of a trip as he was then (LOL).
It was a lot of the women's responses to what he said that had me at "pause":
He'll die a bachelor
Y'all don't mind us when we are in #thesestreets aggressively fighting for you though
Who does he think buys tickets to his shows and music?
And we refuse to marry his dumb a--. Convo done.
Who is begging him to? Did you see him on the OWN show with Rev. Run? He's a ho, player and commitmentphobe!
Oh, and here comes the voice of reason. From a guy:
Black women are gonna get up in arms about this and expose themselves instead of falling back and chilling
Amen. And indeed!
For the record, I know some loud and aggressive (and super-nagging--Proverbs 21:9--AMPC) women of all colors. Race is not the issue here. The point is that Tyrese makes a good point. Whether he realized it, meant to or not, the part of his statement (or was it a rant?) that's in bold is Scriptural.
"In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives, when they observe the pure and modest way in which you conduct yourselves, together with your reverence [for your husband; you are to feel for him all that reverence includes: to respect, defer to, revere him—to honor, esteem, appreciate, prize, and, in the human sense, to adore him, that is, to admire, praise, be devoted to, deeply love, and enjoy your husband].
Let not yours be the [merely] external adorning with [elaborate] interweaving and knotting of the hair, the wearing of jewelry, or changes of clothes; but let it be the inward adorning and beauty of the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible and unfading charm of a gentle and peaceful spirit, which [is not anxious or wrought up, but] is very precious in the sight of God.
For it was thus that the pious women of old who hoped in God were [accustomed] to beautify themselves and were submissive to their husbands [adapting themselves to them as themselves secondary and dependent upon them].
It was thus that Sarah obeyed Abraham [following his guidance and acknowledging his headship over her by] calling him lord (master, leader, authority). And you are now her true daughters if you do right and let nothing terrify you [not giving way to hysterical fears or letting anxieties unnerve you]."---I Peter 3:1-6(AMPC)
I just picked up a new married couple to work with on yesterday (Proverbs 24:6). When I asked the husband what he felt was one of the biggest problems in his marriage he said "I don't get to lead." When I asked the wife, she said "He doesn't move when I need him to so I do it myself."
OK, this is an awesome example of what it means to have a "quiet and gentle spirit"...
(That's how the New King James Version translates it)
First of all, it's *disobedient* to be a wife who doesn't submit, who doesn't let her wife lead: "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." (Colossians 3:18) So off top---and from personal experience in other ways---I'll tell you one way a woman has a "loud and aggressive spirit": IT'S WHEN SHE'S BIBLICALLY DISOBEDIENT.
One of my absolute favorite Scriptures in the Word is Proverbs 17:27(NKJV):"He who has knowledge spares his words, and a man of understanding is of a calm spirit." A woman who spends time in the Word, learning about how God designed her to be, has a better understanding about femininity (whew! There is currently *such an attack* on femininity!). And when she grasps who and how God called and created her to be, she can have a calm spirit.
I Corinthians 2:14(NKJV) tells us "But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned." *The world is worldly*. They are too caught up in their flesh and pride to care much about what God has to say. This includes when it comes to sexuality and gender. Yet as believers (and especially if you profess to be a disciple!--John 8:31-32, Matthew 16:24), we're to submit to the Word and its standards and expectations. As women, this includes having a spirit---a soul---that is quiet (peaceful, tranquil and rest-filled) and gentle (kind, mild and honorable).
A MAN IS DRAWN TO THAT BECAUSE GOD MADE HIM TO BE THAT WAY.
A MAN WHO IS NOT ATTRACTED TO A LOUD AND AGGRESSIVE SPIRIT IS SOMEONE WHO KNOWS GOD DESIGNED SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR HIM IN A PARTNER.
To be upset that a man wants something that's biblical is to be in denial with what God set into motion. Take that up with the Father, not the guys who are reminding us of what the Word says (again, whether they realize it or not).
As for me and my house (LOL)...
Thanks Tyrese for the reminder! #noted