Thursday, September 29, 2016

"On Fire": (VIDEOS) Do the Two of You Have the Same Values?

Quite Women Co.:

"But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner—not even to eat with such a person."---I Corinthians 5:11(NKJV)


While talking to a wife who's been married for about as long as I've been abstinent, she asked me what I thought about boyfriends and girlfriends. I told her what I've been saying more and more: "I dislike that about as much as fornication." Her response? "Girl, me too!"

No one was boyfriend and girlfriend in the Bible.
No one was called to give marriage a "practice" or "test run".

Acting married when you not leads to a huge chance of breaking up.
And that makes you more and more numb when it comes to divorce being an option in marriage.

You know what else?

In the Bible, no woman was expected to submit to a man *until after* he became her husband.
SUBMISSION IS A GIFT (Colossians 3:18, Ephesians 5:22).
One that is given to a man, once he takes a woman on as his wife.

So no, I'm not looking for some man to "take the lead" in a relationship prior to marriage.

Sound counter-cultural? Even for the Church? I bet it does (LOL). Here's where I'm going with it, though. I penned a devo last Sabbath that spoke a lot about Boaz and Ruth (if you want to check it out, hit me up at and I'll shoot it over to you). RUTH WAS THE INITIATOR. Gender roles in intimate relationships are laid out for individuals who are *husband and wife*; not man and woman or boyfriend and girlfriend.

While I'm single, it's up to me to be led by God and to discern (Proverbs 2) how a man is *leading his own life*, not mine. As a close male friend of mine recently said "It's not about who is pursuing or not. It's about being obedient. You can never go wrong if you're doing that." He's so right.

More and more, I'm coming to the peaceful and resolved place that acting super committed in a dating situation is NOT God's will for two people who are considering marriage. Becoming the best of friends (Ephesians 4:9-12) is. That's how you get to really know someone---without the pressure; unrealistic expectations; using words that, quite frankly, don't even apply to you (like monogamous and cheating); violating one another sexually (if you're not married to someone, sexual activity is a VIOLATION--Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6:9-10 & 16-20--Message); not properly guarding your heart (Proverbs 4:23); making compromises that compromise you (i.e., not taking certain jobs or leaving a city for the sake of a relationship, etc.)...basically not enjoying what the season of singleness is supposed to be about: focusing on YOU and your growth and development.

Too many people get married as a broken person...
Because they did not use the season of singleness to become whole (James 1:4).

Satan likes it that way...
Because when you're not whole as a single individual...
And then you "play married"...
You overlook things that you shouldn't...
All the while calling it "loyalty to the relationship"...
When really you're allowing that person to be a stumbling block in your life (Romans 14:13).

Ladies, a man without God is a man you can live without.:

That's why I appreciated a video that I "came cross" (Proverbs 16:33-AMPC) on yesterday. I really dug the title: "BOTH CHRISTIANS BUT UNEQUALLY YOKED". She provides some real gems. Please make the time to check her out:

Did you peep the lead Scripture for this? Interesting how much that "conveniently" goes overlooked, isn't it? When someone claims to be a believer, there is a standard that comes with that. Yes, none of us are perfect, but that doesn't give us the reason or right to live in conscious and habitual sin. According to the Word, when there are people in our lives who say they are a Christian, are habitually doing things the Bible says not to do, and they don't show fruit of wanting to change (Matthew 12:33), *we are not even supposed to be eating with them*, let alone *dating/courting* them.

That's what's so cool about Ms. Madyara's video. She's encouraging us to use our time to be honest about if we're equally yoked/truly compatible with someone, whether they claim to be a Christian or not. Another way to look at that is "Do we share the same values? Even as we're growing closer as friends? Will we help one another to become more like Christ or less like him?"

When you're so busy being someone's girlfriend...
Which is more like a slick wife...
You will take the relationship on like it's "You can me against the world"...
Instead of "Are you the one God has brought me to?"

So, take a moment and think...

As far as Christianity as a whole, I really like a list that one author provided:


Marriage is not for the world...
Marriage is for two people who serve the Lord...
Because the standards for marriage are *biblically based*.

In order to have a marriage that is equally yoked...
You need to have a friendship where two people share the same core biblical values.

While you're single and spending time with others...

If it's not...

Godly Relationships | Musings of Hope:

Value yourself, your heart, our body and your time enough to set values and uphold them...
Focus on if your FRIENDSHIP is compatible...
That's whats singles are *supposed* to be doing.

It makes for a MUCH HEALTHIER present as a single person...
And future, once GOD DECIDES it's time for you to be married.

Be Holy

"O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. You are not restricted by us, but you are restricted by your own affections. Now in return for the same (I speak as to children), you also be open.

Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.

As God has said: 'I will dwell in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they shall be My people.' Therefore 'Come out from among them and be separate,' says the Lord. 'Do not touch what is unclean and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters,' says the Lord Almighty.”---2 Corinthians 6:11-18(NKJV)

By the way, Ms. Madyara has a YouTube channel. Another one that caught my eye is "OBSESSING OVER MARRIAGE BEFORE YOU'RE MARRIED" (eh hem):

Proverbs 12:4,


Sunday, September 18, 2016


Love Notes To My Future Husband... Will be doing this and putting them on his pillow every morning...:  

I need to remember this. When life sucks, there is a bright side, and something better around the corner:

Affirmations for Self Employed Women  #ecoacherin #coacherinsaffirmations

Watched Bachelor, its so sad that so many attractive, articulate women have such low self esteem that they would rather be with anybody, than the one that is their soul. Guess that explains why so many awesome women are with losers, far beneath them. Also explains divorce rate of the 40 plus who finally wake up and mature and realize they deserve more:

it's terribly sad but the older I become, the more I understand it to be true:

PraiseWorks Health and Wellness - Mind, Body, Spirit Wellness For Women Over 40: How To Maximize Your Wellness During The Summer - 5 Essential Tips That are Easy and Fun:

a rose can never be a sunflower and a sunflower can never be a rose. all flowers are beautiful in their own way and thats like women too:

Confidence and acceptance are key for young women struggling with low self esteem:

You've got one life, might as well live it the right way!:

You can be more than the labels you hide behind...doubts are just excuses to stay.:

10 things to never do #1:

When People are More Interested in your Future than your Present: Finding and Enjoying the Season you are in. I have been thinking about this topic for quite some time, but never really felt inspir...:

#business #entrepreneurs #quotes:

Love Your Body: Positive Body Image Quotes For Confidence, Self-Esteem |

"You're not a mess, you're brand for trying." Lettering by Pommel Lane:

How empowering is this statement?  I am the creator of my destiny.  But along with that, I am the creator of everything in my life....the good and the bad.  The dark and the light.  I am responsible for it all.  And therefore, I have the power to change it.:

when I can't understand God's plan:

100+ Motivational Quotes On Dream, Goal And Future:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope," Jer. 29:11.:

Not my will, but Yours be done. #faith #JesusITrustinYou #Catholic:

It's the scary truth when you never know what can come across your life at any given moment.:

May the next few months be a period of magnificent transformation. #quote #quoteoftheday #inspiration:

you are always one decision away from a totally different life - what a fantastic thought:

God has Planted greatness in you., start a new life today and never let anyone opinion makes you doubt about god plan,Famous Bible Verses, Encouragement Bible Verses, jesus christ bible verses , daily inspirational quotes with images,  bible verses for inspiration, Leadership Bible Verses,:

Little love notes to my future husband #15. Yep.:

spot on...:

There is...:

“Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined. ” ~ Deepak Chopra:

#yoga #quotes #inspiration:

Doesn't matter how hard you try to break the door down; if it's not meant for you it's not going to work. Let it be.:

"On Fire": (VIDEO) When's the Last Time You've Prayed for Your Future Husband?

An Open Letter to My Future Husband...I'm Not Waiting for You | Reckless Abandonment:

"...pray without ceasing..."---I Thessalonians 5:17(NKJV)


When's the last time you prayed for your future husband? Not prayed *about* him or that God would bring you to him (Genesis 2:22) but actually prayed FOR him?

With the days and times that we're living in, I don't know about you, but personally, I'm seeing people get further and further away from prayer---across the board. At least when it comes to one of the true purposes of it:

Prayer is not a normal part of the life of the natural man. We hear it said that a person’s life will suffer if he doesn’t pray, but I question that. What will suffer is the life of the Son of God in him, which is nourished not by food, but by prayer. When a person is born again from above, the life of the Son of God is born in him, and he can either starve or nourish that life. Prayer is the way that the life of God in us is nourished. Our common ideas regarding prayer are not found in the New Testament. We look upon prayer simply as a means of getting things for ourselves, but the biblical purpose of prayer is that we may get to know God Himself.

“Ask, and you will receive…” (John 16:24). We complain before God, and sometimes we are apologetic or indifferent to Him, but we actually ask Him for very few things. Yet a child exhibits a magnificent boldness to ask! Our Lord said, “…unless you…become as little children…” (Matthew 18:3). Ask and God will do. Give Jesus Christ the opportunity and the room to work. The problem is that no one will ever do this until he is at his wits’ end. When a person is at his wits’ end, it no longer seems to be a cowardly thing to pray; in fact, it is the only way he can get in touch with the truth and the reality of God Himself. Be yourself before God and present Him with your problems— the very things that have brought you to your wits’ end. But as long as you think you are self-sufficient, you do not need to ask God for anything.

To say that “prayer changes things” is not as close to the truth as saying, “Prayer changes me and then I change things.” God has established things so that prayer, on the basis of redemption, changes the way a person looks at things. Prayer is not a matter of changing things externally, but one of working miracles in a person’s inner nature.


Women who spend a lot of time asking (or is it demanding?!) about a husband is not really *praying for him*. A part of the reason why, even when it comes to our future life partner, it's important to "pray without ceasing" is because not only does it prepare your mind/body/spirit for your beloved who is to come but it also prepares him. A part of the reason why coming to God about him in a state of spiritual (Psalm 51:10) and sexual purity (I Corinthians 6:16-20--Message) is because the Bible is God-inspired (2 Timothy 3:16-17), God cannot lie (Titus 1:2) and James 5:16(AMPC) tells us this: "The earnest (heartfelt, continued) prayer of a righteous man makes tremendous power available [dynamic in its working]." I know believing this to be true is a part of what's held me on all this time!


1) Pray about if being married is a part of God's will for your life.
(Matthew 19:11-12--Message)

2) If it is, pray that God prepares you to be a BIBLICAL wife.
(Proverbs 31:10-30, I Peter 3:1-4, Ephesians 5:22-24, Proverbs 14:1, I Corinthians 7:1-5)

3) Pray that your husband strives to become a BIBLICAL husband.
(Ephesians 5:25-33, I Peter 3:7, I Corinthians 7:1-5)

4) Pray that you will guard your heart (mind/body) from the men who *aren't* your husband.
(Proverbs 4:23)

5) Pray that you will trust more in GOD'S TIMING more than your own (or the pressure of others).
(Acts 1:7--Message, Ecclesiastes 3:1& 11, James 1:17)

If you've never really thought about doing it, you're not sure how or you're discouraged right now, here's a cool video to inspire you:

Once you're in the groove of praying, maybe you'll be ready to do some writing...or some *more* writing...

Dear Future Husband, I want to learn everything about you even if it takes me the rest of my life. Especially if it takes me the rest of my life. Love, Your Future Wife:

An "On Fire" sistah (thanks Christina!) sent me a cool write-up last week entitled "Dear Future Husband..."

It starts off like this:

We kissed on the couch while watching a movie in his parents basement. He asked if I wanted to go further and I froze at the question.

How much further? Should I be cool and roll with it? Should I say no?

Questions raced through my mind and in a panic, I excused myself to the bathroom before I could answer. After an awkward conversation, I drove home feeling like a super uncool loser who just lost the cool guy's interest. I felt like the only girl in high school who couldn't keep a guy's interest long.

I encountered a similar situation early on in college. With slumped shoulders, I shuffled back to my dorm room after a disappointing evening, and mumbled under my breath,  DANG IT. THIS IS SO HARD!

When I got home, I knew exactly what to do though. I went to my room, opened my closet door, and searched for that secret little box I kept tucked in the back shelf for days like these. I tore out a piece of notebook paper and began writing another letter to him.

It started just like all the others:

Dear Future Husband... 

The author has been writing them for YEARS. What I'm going to share is her final one; for the reason she expressed in the piece:

Dear Future Husband,

It’s hard to believe that this is the last time I’ll ever write a Dear Future Husband letter to you because in just a few short hours you will no longer be my future husband but instead will become my forever husband. It’s hard to believe that the day we’ve dreamed of since we met is finally here. It’s hard to believe that our forever starts today. It’s hard to believe that I have the privilege of marrying a man like you – a man who loves like Jesus does, a man who serves with His whole heart, a man who is strong and brave, and a man who lets God lead His life no matter the cost.

 But on the other hand, it’s not that hard to believe because that’s just the kind of the God we serve – a God who is faithful to work all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28).

When I was 13, my dad gave me a purity ring. Engraved inside of the band are the words: true love waits. In that moment, I promised to wait for my future husband and even signed a purity pact without hesitation (although I had no idea just how difficult that road could be). Nonetheless, I’ve worn that ring since the day it was given to me and done my best to be true to the promise my little middle school heart made to my earthly father, my Heavenly Father, and you, my Future Husband.

It wasn’t always easy waiting for you. It wasn’t always easy when boys would lose interest when I said no. It wasn’t always easy to explain to people all the reasons why I believed you were worth waiting for without even knowing your name yet. All I knew was that God’s design is more beautiful than anything this world could dream up – and that was worth waiting for even when it was hard.

When I felt like giving up, I’d think of you and then I would write to you. I dreamed of one day giving all those letters to the man I married so that he would see how truly important he was long before I ever met him. Today, you are that man. And although some have since been misplaced, I pray you treasure these letters I’ve written to you over the years. 

As I step out of my single life and into the mystery of marriage with you in Jesus name, I’m giving to you the purity ring my daddy placed on my hand when I was a young 13 year-old girl. In it’s place, I’ll wear the wedding band that you’ll place on my finger today as your bride.

Because you are and always have been the future husband that God designed for me, the one I’ve prayed for, hoped for, and waited for all these years.

Although it’s been a long road of waiting, God has walked with me through the steps of lonely seasons, heartbreaks, loss, frustration, and so much more to prepare me to become a wife worthy of your love. Looking back, every single one of those steps that brought us here were so beyond worth it. And I know without a doubt that you are worth it and I’d do it all over again if I had to.

So as I walk down that aisle toward you today, I want you to know that I believe that walk is so much more than a ceremonial motion or formality. Each step represents the steps that God has walked with me through to bring me to this moment as I take this big step in becoming your wife.

Today we give Him everything. Today, we give each other everything.

I can’t express to you how overwhelmed I am by the faithfulness and goodness of God in His blessing of me with you as my husband and I joyfully give you my hand, my heart, and my life from now until the end of time.


Your Forever Bride

Christian relationships. Dear future husband....:


Beautiful that she calls him her "forever husband".
Beautiful that she maintained her purity.
Beautiful that she expressed that her faith walk was not *easy* but oh so *worth it*.

I really do like, and appreciate, this line:

Because you are and always have been the future husband that God designed for me, the one I’ve prayed for, hoped for, and waited for all these years.

I'm 42.
Last time I had a boyfriend was around 32.
I get that the wait can be hard.

Yet the more that you pray, the more that you "write the vision", the more that you "walk by faith and not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7), the more that you don't settle and trust that God will make your way perfect (Psalm 18:30-32) because his work and way is (Deuteronomy 32:4, 2 Samuel 22:31), the stronger you'll be come. And trust me, I do enough marriage counseling to know that *good help* (Genesis 2:18) requires a *spiritually strong* woman/wife!

So don't be discouraged.

Take out some time this week to pray for and write to your future husband!
It's not time wasted---present and future!

Proverbs 12:4,


Tuesday, September 6, 2016

"On Fire": (VIDEOS) How Would You UPGRADE His Life?

I want to be this good to you baby..:

"An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones."---Proverbs 12:4(NKJV)


It's not the norm for me to reference Jay Z and Beyonce' (or many celebrities at all) when it comes to these posts. However, as I was doing some praying for the "On Fire" women, a particular throwback from Beyonce' came to mind. Over and over:

I'm posting "Upgrade U" for one main reason. I actually like the part where she mimics her husband's mannerisms.It reminds me that when two people are married, they take on the "become one" (Genesis 2:24-25) process, even physically.

Anyway, many of you are probably familiar with the song. Here are some of the lyrics:

I can do for you what Martin did for the people
Ran by the men but the women keep the tempo
It's very seldom that you're blessed to find your equal
Still play my part and let you take the lead role
Believe me
I'll follow this could be easy
I'll be the help whenever you need me
I see you hustle wit my hustle 

I can keep you
Focused on your focus I can feed you

You need a real woman in your life
That's a good look
Taking care
Home is still fly
That's a good look
I'm gonna help you build up your account
That's a good look
Better yet a hood look
Ladies that's a good look

When you're in the big meetings for the mills
That's a good look
It take me just to compliment the deal
That's a good look
Anything you cop I'll split the bill
That's a good look
Better yet a hood look
Ladies that's a good look

Partner let me upgrade you

Genesis 2:18(AMPC) says "Now the Lord God said, 'It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.'"

God brought Adam a woman in the form of a wife who was suitable for him.
God brought Adam a woman in the form of a wife who was adapted to him.
God brought Adam a woman in the form of a wife who was complementary to him.

And all of these qualities put together?
It made the Woman, Adam's wife, good help.

Another way to look at that?
It made her an UPGRADE for him and his world.

Upgrade: an incline going up in the direction of movement; an increase or improvement; a new version, improved model, etc.; an increase or improvement in one's service, accommodations, privileges, or the like; something, as a piece of equipment, that serves to improve or enhance

It's kinda amazing that Adam was in the state of perfection, both personally and as the result of his environment, and still God, in his infinite understanding (Psalm 147:5), determined that it was not good for Adam to be alone; that he would need some help.


She's to provide assistance is to help him to go higher.
She's to increase and improve his way of life.
Her presence should also increase and improve his service and privileges.
She should enhance him.

Enhance: to raise to a higher degree; intensify; magnify; to raise the value or price of

LDS thought-and-great-quotes 

One of the huge problems with sex before marriage is a woman is not *upgrading* a man by sleeping with him. Spiritually (especially), she's actually *downgrading* him (Romans 13:8-10). Hebrews 13:4 says that fornication brings judgment. I Corinthians 6:16-20 refers to sex outside of marriage of an individual "one-ing themselves" to a prostitute. I Corinthians 6:9-10 states that fornicators are not able to inherit the kingdom of heaven (check out "Satan Uses Sexual Desire"). No good things come from sexual sin. Not long-term anyway.

Yet even beyond that, I talk to a lot of single women who are wondering where their husband is because of what *they* want *him* to do and bring into their lives. However, I'm not so sure a lot of time is spent seeking God (James 1:5) about how they will upgrade a man's world. What *fruit* (Matthew 12:33) they have even now that will indicate that they will improve, increase and enhance another human being's livelihood.

This is why it's important to be *friends* with a guy first...

In a friendship, there is transparency.
In a friendship, the platonic foundation makes emotional intimacy more important than sex.
In a friendship, the pressure is off the table. 
In a friendship, you can freely discuss one another's goals, ambitions and dreams.
In a friendship, something genuine can truly develop.

In the meantime, you can RELAX and allow things to happen naturally (Jude 1:2--Messsage)...
You can pray about if "his" life is the one you are called to help as a friend or more-than-a-friend.

Unfortunately, far too many people are out here wishing they could "fall in love" while something essential is overlooked, especially where women are concerned. They need to be praying about the person God has determined they would be a GOOD HELP to. The Word does not say that God gave Adam someone to be *in love with*. It says God gave him a woman would would *help him*.

And when you think of marriage from this perspective, when you watch some of the videos like the ones below, you can be excited for these men. They have their UPGRADE! These women are going to improve their lives in ways they would NEVER be able to on their own! (In fact, they are praised for being "upgrades" in the videos!)

Until God reveals that we can, not only love a man *until death* (biblically-based marriages are UNTIL DEATH), but upgrade his life in a way that truly makes it evident that he needs us in every way, let's commit to God and embrace this time, not as being one of *loneliness* but *preparation*.

This blog is not only committed to helping us all become a wife...
But an EXCELLENT one.

A crown---the ultimate upgrade---for our future husbands!

Proverbs 12:4,