Saturday, January 14, 2017
"On Fire": Are You Waiting on GOD or 'Him'?
"And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in You."---Psalm 39:7(NKJV)
This quote kind of says it all (LOL). I adore it and can sooooo relate to it. But just in case things need to be made a little bit clearer...let's hit it.
Desiring God really has some to be one of my favorite resources. In the article "Wait to Date Until You Can Marry" (which will already preach!), the author shares these points:
Why Should Anyone Date?
The spiritual war for our hearts is real, and the stakes are high, so it’s critical to ask why we think we should date in the first place. Why did I have a girlfriend when I was twelve (and thirteen, and fourteen, and even eighteen)?
For many of us, we just want to be happy, to belong, to be valued. We imagine our deepest needs being met in the intimacy of being with a special young man or woman.
We all want our hearts to soar for someone or something. The romance and mystery of marriage seems to hold the highest earthly peaks of pleasure and friendship. We long to be known and loved, to belong with someone, in someone else’s story. We also want someone to join us in ours. And we all want our lives to count for something. We want to contribute something significant to a meaningful cause. We want to make a difference. We don’t want to waste our lives.
What Would I Do Differently?
If I could do it all over again, I wouldn’t have dated in the tenth grade (or the twelfth, or even my first couple years in college). I would have waited to date until I could marry.
The breakthrough came for me in beginning to understand the major differences between dating and marriage. A dating couple may feel married at times, but a dating couple is never a married couple. Understanding the distinctions between the relationships will protect us from all kinds of pain and failure in dating.
“Life is never mainly about love and marriage. God has so much more in store for you than any relationship can offer.”
The greatest prize in any life, regardless of our relationship status, is to know Christ and be known by him, to love him and be loved by him. The great prize in marriage is Christ-centered intimacy with a spouse — knowing and being known, loving and being loved by a husband or wife. The great prize in dating is Christ-centered clarity about marriage (or toward marriage). Romantic intimacy is safest in the context of marriage, and marriage is safest in the context of clarity. If we want to have and enjoy that kind of Christ-centered intimacy, we need to get married. And if we want to get married, we need to pursue clarity about whom to marry...
Many of us date because we’re trying to fill those needs in love. If you asked us, we might say we’re “pursuing marriage,” but a lot of us aren’t even close to marriage — in age, finances, maturity, education, stage of life. We’re really in pursuit of the happiness, belonging, and significance we think we’ll find in romance.
Wait to date until you can marry each other. My advice — take it or leave it — is wait until you can reasonably marry him or her in the next eighteen months. It doesn’t mean you have to marry that quickly. The important part is that you could, if God made it clear this was his will and his timing for you. You won’t find eighteen months anywhere in the Bible, and so you should not treat it as God’s law. But you can test — with the Lord, your parents, and close Christian friends — whether that seems wise and safe for you and your heart.
Counter-cultural? Yep. Just what we are supposed to be (I Peter 2:9-10).
Personally, I discern (Proverbs 2) that this writer is spot-on. It's a new perspective on what we're biblically-instructed to do: GUARD OUR HEARTS (Proverbs 4:23). I have witnessed so many women be just as reckless with their heart as others are with their bodies. *Both are to be reserved for their husband*. Being a virgin or abstinent and still all "emotionally caught up like you're already someone's wife" in a man is still being irresponsible. Adding to that, why be in ANY kind of dating situation where you're going to be giving more of your time, effort and energy into someone if you BOTH are not 1) desiring marriage; 2) pursuing God about who to marry and 3) prayerful about marriage?
See, what a lot of women do is treat dating like a crap shoot. I have no better way to describe it really. They see a man that they like/want and immediately they go into "Could this be my husband?", and if they spend any kind of time with him, then it moves into "Lord, I want him to be my husband." And since they have already put their heart out there (please remember that the heart has the tendency to deceive--Jeremiah 17:9), then all of the focus goes into thinking he's the one, treating him like he's the one and expecting him to reciprocate.
ALL OF THAT DRAMA...
Written and produced by oneself!
And so, they think that just because he talks to them, maybe even spends time with them, that it's a "sign" that there's a future. When, as a wise man once said, "Some people are so far gone when it comes to the art of politeness than they mistake it for flirtation." Because so many women want a man, they mistake that MANY men come into their lives to be *nothing more than a friend*. As a result, they not only become disillusioned, but they end up missing out on a good friend too.
All because they are waiting on a man...
A man THEY DECIDED was the one...
Rather than waiting on God...waiting on God to tell them who the one REALLY is.
And what does this have to do with the lead quote?
Yeah...some guys are selfish jerks.
They just keep women emotionally hanging.
HOWEVER...more fall into this category...
We as ladies need to accept that if we were putting our focus in the right place, we would know that when GOD DECIDES if/when someone is right for us and we need to get married. Therefore, we wouldn't find ourselves feeling like some book on some guy's nightstand.
Case in point...
Remember a couple of years ago when I shared that I went on my "Get Your Heart Pieces Back Tour"? Something that my "first love" used to *literally* keep on his nightstand was my first book Inside of Me. Yet no matter how many conversations we had about marriage, he was always on some "I love you. I'm always going to love you. But marriage...?"
For years---literally 21 of them---I waited on him. Sure, I saw other people. Even slept with other folks. But a part of me still thought we'd end up back together (virgins...KEEP YOUR VIRGINITY!). I wasn't looking to God about if my ex was his will so much as I was waiting on my ex to "get his act together and see the light".
And so, I manipulated *my own self* into thinking that he was treating me like some book on his nightstand when really, I was the one who put---and kept---myself up there. And no, he wasn't reading it. Why? Because he wasn't interested. Why? Because...if I was really honest with myself, God wasn't telling him to be. I have enough faith in my ex that if he really knew he was "missing out on a good thing" to the point of me being his actual wife...he would've done something about it.
See, that's what a lot of single woman don't want to face...
That if a man is in relationship with God, God is talking to "him" just as much as, if not more than, he is talking to them. A man doesn't need your help to get him to realize who you are. The Woman didn't wake up Adam in the Garden of Eden. GOD DID (Genesis 2). Your husband won't need you to wake him up either. GOD WILL.
So does that mean that every man immediately sees who his wife is? NO. However, the research I've done and stories I've heard of men who "took awhile to get it" still have things in common:
A connection---one that's beyond friendship even if it's not time to "take it there"
And when a woman who is emotionally healthy and stable is involved in this kind of scenario, the focus doesn't go on the guy. *It goes on God*. She waits on God to reveal to "him" what she's feeling AND (please catch it) she's open to the fact that it might not ever happen. She accepts that God may have someone else in mind. Because his ways are not her own (Isaiah 55:8-11).
That keeps the disillusionment, heartache and yes, drama down...
Because her hope was not placed in the guy...
It was placed in the Creator of her and the guy---GOD.
So, if you have your sights set on someone in particular...
Am I waiting on "him"?
Or am I waiting on God to bring his best "him" for me my way? Even if it's NOT "him"?
The answer to that question will reveal a lot...
And I'm willing to bet some money that it's time for more-than-a-few women...
To get off of some guy's nightstand...
HOPING he'll read their "book" someday.
Put your hope in God, not man...
Then watch...just you watch (I Corinthians 2:9-10)!
"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
God knew what he was doing from the very beginning."---Romans 8:22-29(Message)
His Purpose, His Presence, His Peace...