Wednesday, May 31, 2017
"On Fire": The 'Fully Heal From Your First Love' Project: How Love Was SUPPOSED to Go
"Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life."---Proverbs 4:23(AMPC)
So, I wanted to break down how this particular project is gonna go. For the women who signed up for The Hephzibah Project, those will be off the grid. They will be (probably weekly, at the least bi-weekly) messages that will come directly to the email address that you signed up with. They will be starting in June, so if you haven't signed up and still want to be a part of it, look below and email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
As for this project, I posted a message about having a real desire to help women get ALL OF THEIR HEART PIECES back, so that they could give ALL of themselves to their future husband. Several signed up and agreed that their responses to my questions could be posted on this blog. So, once a week, we'll walk through some revelations directly related to them.
For now, I want to further explain why I discern that this is SO IMPORTANT...
The Global Church, overall, has done a pretty *horrific* job of preparing people for marriage---single, engaged and married people alike. There has been *far too much* worldly influence, even when it comes to dating. What my 10 years of abstinence (which has been a lot more like "spiritual detox") have taught me is that God didn't want us to *just* keep our bodies pure until marriage (Hebrews 13:4, I Corinthians 6). He also desired for our hearts to be held, on an intimate level, until marriage too.
I remember several years ago, sitting in a church and a pastor having a big heart with construction pieces inside of it. He handed them out, didn't explain why and proceeded to preach his sermon. Then, at the end of it, he asked for the pieces back. Some people had already left. Some people's little kids had "eaten" them. Some people simply lost them. The pastor said, "This is what happens when you fornicate. You try and get all of your pieces back and can't."
To a certain degree, he is right. I have shared over the years that a video that I encourage EVERY HUMAN BEING to watch is right here. It features a woman who studies the many ways that sex affects us on a physical level. Because I've had four abortions, one of the main things that she said that stood out to me is that ANYTIME YOU GET PREGNANT---whether you decide to have the baby, to terminate the pregnancy or even if you miscarry---the person you created the child with alters your DNA and becomes a part of it *for the rest of your life*. God was NOT PLAYING when he said that sex makes two people "one flesh" (Genesis 2:24-25).
Here's the thing, though: our hearts were not to be treated as any less sacred than our bodies! The Church (overall) has *really dropped the ball* on that!
Who had boyfriends or girlfriends in the Bible?
Who "acted married" before being married (emotions included)?
Who was out here going from person to person to person before settling down?
If you're like me and you want to do courtship and marriage the way PERFECTION designed it, the only place you're gonna see that is in the Garden of Eden; my absolute favorite place in the Bible! There, Adam nor the Woman had random experiences, many people to choose from or several heartbreaks before becoming husband and wife.
Let's recap how it all went down:
"Now the Lord God said, 'It is not good (sufficient, satisfactory) that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.'
And out of the ground the Lord God formed every [wild] beast and living creature of the field and every bird of the air and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them; and whatever Adam called every living creature, that was its name.
And Adam gave names to all the livestock and to the birds of the air and to every [wild] beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found a helper meet (suitable, adapted, complementary) for him.
And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam; and while he slept, He took one of his ribs or a part of his side and closed up the [place with] flesh. And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man He built up and made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
Then Adam said, 'This [creature] is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of a man.'
Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall become united and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not embarrassed or ashamed in each other’s presence."---Genesis 2:18-25(AMPC)
THIS IS GOD'S PERFECT DESIGN FOR THE BEGINNING OF A MARITAL RELATIONSHIP.
Adam has a relationship with God and a purpose.
GOD DECIDES when it's time for Adam to have a helper/wife.
God reaches within Adam to create who will truly complement him.
God brings/presents, not options but, ONE WOMAN to Adam.
Adam trusts God enough to know she is the best one for him.
Adam and his wife cleave and have sex so that they can become one flesh.
ADAM'S FIRST LOVE? SHE'S ALSO ADAM'S ONLY LOVE.
JUST. AS. ALL. MARRIAGES. SHOULD. BE.
As a marriage counselor, I sit in a lot of sessions where I see just how much "going off script" has jacked people up. So many couples, either because they fornicated (please don't do it; more times than not, the reaping will come in ways you *never* predicted--Galatians 6:7-8) and/or because they used words that do belong to them prior to being married, don't know how to process marriage in a truly healthy way. As far as using words incorrectly, let's go with "monogamous", for example:
Monogamous: practicing or advocating monogamy
Monogamy: marriage with only one person at a time; the practice of marrying only once during life
NO ONE WHO IS DATING IS IN A "MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIP".
According to Scripture, even people who remarry aren't truly "monogamous" (I Corinthians 7:10-11).
When we *abuse* and *misuse* words, we diminish their value.
I will sit in sessions and one or both spouses will say things like "I can't trust them. They cheated on me. They weren't faithful." They're not talking about since they said "I do". They are talking about when they were dating and "playing marriage". Even me, with my I-will-never-have-another-one-again boyfriend, sometimes I would call him "my husband" and a wife in my life would say "Please stop saying that. I *earned* the right to call my husband that." SHE'S. EXACTLY. RIGHT.
When you date like you're married...
You invest all of you like you're a wife...
And that damages you for your *actual husband*.
SATAN WOULD HAVE IT NO OTHER WAY (John 8:44, 10:10 and I Peter 5:8)!
There are even guys I know who, to this day, cannot get over an ex who was their first love. So much to the point that they basically "take out their heartache" on other women. WHAT IS GODLY ABOUT THAT?! All it proves is that the love and devotion we tend to give to our "first love"---not crush, but love---should really be for our ONLY HUSBAND.
I do believe that, especially if there was sex involved, there are some consequences, some scars, that are going to have to be accepted and lived with. God cannot lie (Titus 1:2). He told us that we would reap what we sow.
Yet I also believe that for those who are SERIOUS about personal heart restoration, so that they can give their future husband what he truly deserves---a whole and healthy woman (James 1:4)---that is possible too. Indeed, there are a lot of ways to interpret: "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10--NKJV)
And so, that is what this project is all about...
Please pray for those who were willing and brave enough to participate...
And stay tuned for the walk through.
His Purpose, His Presence, His Peace...