Saturday, July 15, 2017

"On Fire": (Another) Follow-Up to God Telling You Who Your Husband Is...



"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."---Proverbs 16:3(NKJV)


Whew...

I honestly did not think that when I penned the piece on whether or not God would tell you someone is your husband that it would get *so many* responses. Although I do make it a point to personally reply, there are some patterns I'm seeing that led me to discern that this will probably be more like a series than just a couple of posts on the issue.

For starters, I want to encourage everyone who has questions in this area to read (or reread) a post from November of 2015 entitled "So, About Hearing from God About Your Husband..." It's got some foundational points to keep in mind because if you don't know God's Word (John 1:1-3, 2 Timothy 3:16-17) on various topics, there's no way you can be sure that God is saying something or not. Because one thing he NEVER does is contradict his commandments, standards or instructions. NOT. EVER.

Next up. There is a collection of married couple stories that I penned several years ago. I turned it into a blog and it's called "So, How Did You Know?" Husbands and wives share stories of how they got together, what they love about each other (mind, body and spirit) and they also provide advice for single men and women. Take out some time to check it out. You might get some of the clarity that you seek there. Indeed, confirmations come in all forms...and during some of the most unexpected times too.

Third is this:



Something that really concerns me is how some of the emails I'm getting come with a tone of desperation and anxiety. The Word tells us to be ANXIOUS FOR NOTHING (Philippians 4:6-7). Not only that but if basically your entire focus is on when you'll be joined to your husband, whether you realize it or not, you're setting him up to be an idol in your world (Exodus 20:3).

LIFE DOES NOT BEGIN WHEN WE GET A HUSBAND...
MARRIAGE SIMPLY MAGNIFIES WHO AND WHAT WE ARE ONCE WE DO.

As a single woman, the BIGGEST FOCUSES we should have right now is pleasing God and fulfilling our purpose (Psalm 20:4)---not wondering the who/what/where/why/how of our husband.

That's why I like verses in Scripture like what Boaz said to Ruth right here:

"And he said, 'Blessed be you of the Lord, my daughter. For you have made this last loving-kindness greater than the former, for you have not gone after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, fear not. I will do for you all you require, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of strength (worth, bravery, capability)."---Ruth 3:10-11(AMPC)

Ruth was focused.
Boaz was watching.

She wasn't out here hopping from guy to guy (or bed to bed).
She was handling her business. Period.

We should follow her example.
You never know who's watching YOU.

Then there's this:

"For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints."---I Corinthians 14:33(NKJV)

And this:

"Therefore do not let your good be spoken of as evil; for the kingdom of God is not eating and drinking, but righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. For he who serves Christ in these things is acceptable to God and approved by men."---Romans 14:16-18(NKJV)

We're all flesh and the Word tells us that we can struggle sometimes because of it (Galatians 5:16-17). Yet what you've got to remember is that *marriage is a gift* and so is a *godly husband* (James 1:17). What God is involved in? It's not going to come with confusion:

Confusion: disorder; upheaval; tumult; chaos; lack of clearness or distinctness; perplexity; bewilderment; embarrassment or abashment

Honestly? About 60 percent of the emails I've gotten have been chocked full of confusion. What God tells us will oftentimes *test our faith walk* (Psalm 7:9, 2 Corinthians 5:7) yet we will be compelled to not morally compromise (in any way), we will be at peace and we will find joy in the Holy Spirit as he guides us (John 14:26--AMPC). If you're not experiencing this (maybe not all of the time, but a significant amount of it), that is a red flag.

And then there the pic quote up top...
It's an "ouch" and a doozy...
Yet it can spare a lot of pain and drama if you accept it.

There are TONS of things that are God's will for people that people don't end up having. Why? Because they are disobedient. For instance, it was not "God's will" that Adam and Eve would sin. He told them what he wanted them to do and how to live (Genesis 2:15-17). Unfortunately, they chose otherwise (Genesis 3). There were consequences because of it; he still respected their right to choose, though.

You *and* your future husband aren't much different...

Please catch this...
Even if God does tell you who he desires to be your future husband...
That man has the right to say "yes" or "no".

God moves miraculously in our lives (Matthew 19:26)...
He forces his will on no one, though.

See, what concerns me is, well, two things...

1) Some of you believe a man is your husband when Scripture doesn't support why you think so (remember the heart can be deceitful--Jeremiah 17:9-10, Mark 7:21-22).

2) Some of you think that since God speaks a word into your life that it's OK to *make claims* on a man, before *he chooses* to get in line with God's will for him. And for you.

And that? That is dangerous. 

It's basically making claims on someone...
Before they claim you.

Claim: to demand by or as by virtue of a right; demand as a right or as due; to assert and demand the recognition of (a right, title, possession, etc.); assert one's right to; to assert or maintain as a fact; to require as due or fitting

Whether a lot of women realize it or not, when they wonder if God has told them that someone is their future husband, what they're *really curious about* is if it's fine to start making demands, asserting and/or living like it's a fact. If they can now start making/expecting certain requirements as it relates to "him"---when what this *really means* is it's time to start praying for "him" to hear from the Lord so that both of you can start believing and then walking in agreement (Amos 3:3, I John 5:14-15).

Make sense?

If you truly believe that God told you someone is your husband...
The focus is not to start acting like you're his wife...
The focus needs to be praying that he hears the same thing...
And to be willing to *still trust God* if he chooses otherwise.

Again, God reveals to us OFTEN what his will is...
We *still* have to get in line with it, though.

One more point. If you look at the pattern of how many things in the Bible happened, it wasn't about someone wanting something, praying if it's of God and him saying "yes". It was more about him approaching them about something they weren't really even thinking about or considering and them asking him how to follow his leading.

Noah when it was time to build the ark (Genesis 6).
Abraham when he left his home (Genesis 12). 
Hosea marrying Gomer (Hosea 1).
Mary carrying Christ (Luke 1).
Peter walking on the water (Matthew 14).

Where am I going with this?

What I'm hearing a lot about is women *wanting* a guy and because they do, they feel like God has told them that the guy is their husband. Yeah, be careful with that too. Even the Word tells us that our own desires are what can tempt us (James 1:14-15). Besides, most of the healthy married relationships that I know of consists of one or both people, as singles, living their lives, minding their own business (I Thessalonians 4:11) and BAM! Here comes someone, almost like they're a surprise or even an "inconvenience", and God is telling them "This is who I have for you." Not someone having a huge crush on someone, lusting after them (one definition of lust is "an overwhelming desire" by the way) and then believing that they've heard a word from the Lord simply because they want someone or want to be married so badly.

When you're thirsty, literally and figuratively, trying to discern who your husband is? It's basically like a parched person in the desert who sees a mirage. They want water *so badly* that they think they see it when really their mind/appetite/desperation is basically playing tricks on them.

What God has for you? 

He'll make it clear.
He won't compromise Word.
He won't require you to lower your standards or convictions.
There will be peace and not confusion.
It will be a faith walk.
It will spiritually mature you.
You will be open to the fact that when another person is involved, they have a say too.

As you're praying about who your future husband is...
Prayerfully this has connected a few more dots...
So that you'll TRUTHFULLY know it/him...
When you see it/him.



His Purpose, His Presence, His Peace...

SRW


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