"On Fire" Fast Movement

"On Fire": How HONEST Are You...with You?

2012-01-26T20:30:00.002-06:00

Hey Ladies...

So...as I was doing some praying and pondering about the "On Fire" gals today, it was interesting where the Spirit led me: to the subject that is perfectly encompassed in this title: "In the New Year, Be Honest with Yourself".

Yeah. I know.

It's almost (can you believe it?!?) February and so yes, I'm pretty sure that the title of the article is a dead giveaway that it was published a little while ago. 12/30/11, to be exact. But for whatever reason, it's *now* that it seems to be a priority. At least in this public forum. Hmm...now that I think about it, it does make sense. We know that next month brings about a certain holiday that some women try to act like they don't care about, but secretly do.

Maybe a bit of honestly can start there, eh?

So anyway, after reading the piece, I saw this part that I really want to encourage as many as possible to take part in. As soon as possible too:

If you find yourself making connections between something that happened today and something in the past, all the better. Most of us are creatures of habit. Our objective is to find and reinforce those habits that enrich our well-being and find and eventually put aside those that are not in alignment with who we really are.

Some possible questions:

• What did I do that made me happiest?

• Where did I feel ashamed of myself?

• What action would I do over again and how?

• What moved me to act the way I did?

• What habits or tendencies worked for or against me?

• When did I feel most in alignment with what is best in me?

Try this simple form of self-reflection tonight. And you will be practicing the art of confession, confession in its purest sense: self-confession. Just zero in on one thing that showed you at your best and resolve to be that person tomorrow. Think about one thing that you didn't like about yourself and try not to repeat it.

See how the next day goes. I think you'll find yourself stopping short of doing those things your reflection showed aren't good for you or for your relationships with others. You'll find yourself smiling as you speak and acting in your best interests — in the best interests of the person you really know yourself to be.

I really dig those questions because it's amazing how many of us want an honest relationship with someone else when we're not being *fully truthful* about who, where and why we are...not just when it comes to desiring certain things but being certain kinds of people. And so, if you get a chance tonight, tomorrow, or over the weekend, break out a journal and do some penning on those questions, with a twist: answer them *solely as they relate to your relational experiences with men*.

*What did you do in your *healthiest* relationship that made you the happiest?

*What did you do in your *most dysfunctional relationship* that made you feel ashamed of yourself?

*What action, in a relationship, would you do over again? Why and how?

*What habits or tendencies work for you in relationships? Which ones work against you?

*Which relationship did you have where you felt like you were in alignment with the best in you? How do you know that to be true? What efforts are you putting in place to be realigned in that way?

Why do I ask? Because here's the deal: I think if you do some *real soul searching* on those questions, you just may discover that if you're bound, either to certain people, certain habits or certain cycles, it's all because honesty, *internal honesty*...somewhere...is amiss. Because when you're in an honest (and open-Psalm 119:18-NCV) relationship (first with yourself), when you live in *real truth*, according to the Word, which is God (John 1:1), there is freedom (John 8:32). Therefore, if you're not feeling free to love, free to see, free to be you, *totally*, then there's a good chance that you're attracting the kind of individual who is *just as compromised as you are*. An honest love is a reflection of two honest people and in honesty, there is (preach!) "honorable principles, intentions, and actions", there is "uprightness and fairness", there is "sincerity and frankness", there is "genuine and unadulterated" words and deeds exchanged. And when that's the case, it opens up doors for the synonyms of the word: "opportunity", "power", "privilege", "sovereignty" and "God-given rights".

HONESTY MANIFESTS GOD-GIVEN RIGHTS. Like a real and loving relationship.

Whew! No wonder the Word tells us things like:

"My hope is in you, so may goodness and honesty guard me."---Psalm 25:21(NCV)

"Good people will be guided by honesty; dishonesty will destroy those who are not trustworthy."---Proverbs 11:3(NCV)

"In every way be an example of doing good deeds. When you teach, do it with honesty and seriousness."---Titus 2:7(NCV)

Honesty guides. Dishonesty destroys.

So...when it comes to you and your quest for covenant, are you feeling a little lost? *Honestly?*

Ladies, my prayer, for us all, is that we'll make *freedom* and *honorableness* (nobility, CREDIBILITY, justness) and *guidance* greater priorities. In loving God, in loving ourselves...*in preparation for loving our future Beloved*.

After all, truth resonates truth. Be it and you'll get it. Omit it and...*exactly*.

I'll be believing Adonai for your deliverance in this area. I really will. And as I've been quoting *for months now*, hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:5).

Ahavah Shalom,

SRW

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

2012-01-19T23:44:00.001-06:00

GET. FREE. WHEW!!!

While reading an article just a little while ago entitled, "Men's 10 Biggest Complaints About Women", in reading #7, I couldn't help but like "Ouch!" and "Whoa..." (LOL):

You fixate on what we’re thinking, when you should be watching what we’re doing (7/10)

You ask, “What are you thinking?” and we say, “Nothing.” You figure this must be a lie, and decide that we aren’t willing to communicate with you. The problem is, this is the wrong question to ask. We’re action-oriented. You don’t need to ask what we’re thinking, just watch what we’re doing. Coming home late every night? We’re not happy at home. Uninterested in sex, probably crushed by stress. Not calling you back even though we said, “I love you?” We don’t love you. You can save the questions about musings until you see a change in our behavior. That’s the surest sign that something needs to be discussed.

YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK WHAT WE'RE THINKING, JUST WATCH WHAT WE'RE DOING. AND NOT DOING!!!

Yeah. Gotta love when a *man* actually pens how *men* think. Straight-no-chaser. And I'm thankful for it!

Puts a whole 'new spin on "Faith WITHOUT WORKS is *dead*." (James 2:14-26)

TAKE. HEED.

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends" (Paul Coughlin, Jennifer D. Degler, Ph.D)

2012-01-18T16:48:00.003-06:00

Yeah. Well...

Sometimes the title says it all:

Share with...whomever needs it. Here.

SRW

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

2012-01-16T21:26:00.001-06:00

"If he was going to become a great partner, he would have already done so. Men don't just wake up one day more interested in you or all of a sudden in love. Men to fall in love have to think about you. A hot and cold man doesn't spend a lot of time thinking about you. Here is a hard truth about these men. His attraction for you is not that strong.

More times than not, men that blow hot and cold may not see you as his dream girl. A man would never blow hot and cold to his dream girl. He might lose her. If he blows hot and cold, you could be just an option for now until someone else comes along. A man who is a good partner would not do this to a woman he truly cares about. He would not lead her on and then disappear for days. He wouldn't call some days and go silent for others.

Some hot and cold men stay around for a long time before they disappear. I have seen men blow hot and cold for one woman and turn around and blow hot all the time for another woman. Are you the fall girl here or his dream girl?"

You can read this article in its entirety here.

GOOD STUFF.

SRW

"On Fire": When a Relationship Dies, Where Does the Love Go?

2012-01-16T20:11:00.002-06:00

"There are three things that are too hard for me, really four I don't understand: the way an eagle flies in the sky, the way a snake slides over a rock, the way a ship sails on the sea, and the way a man and a woman fall in love."---Proverbs 30:18-19(NCV)

(Disclaimer: This is for people in a *non-married* relationship. For married people, different rules and spiritual responsibilities---and blessings---apply.)

Yes, yes.

And the fact that King Solomon, the man who is arguably considered to be the wisest man in the world (I Kings 3), is saying that he doesn't understand the way that a man and woman fall in love with each other, that should *definitely* let us off of the hook from feeling crazy (or naive or stupid) when we're baffled by it! Before, during or after. A relationship.

I have stated on here on more than one occasion that I absolutely adore the Seventh-Day Sabbath (Friday sunset thru Saturday sunset- 20:8-11) and a big part of that is because since the Word, which is God (John 1:1), tells us that it is the day that the Most High *blessed* and *hallowed*, I believe there are special revelations that are given on it that do not come at any other time (kinda like how tithing brings about special rewards as well-Malachi 3). I also believe that's why the thief (John 10:10) has worked so hard at keeping *so many people* from honoring it.

But that's another message for another time.

Anyway, this past Sabbath the Comforter (John 14:16-AMP) and I were having a conversation about love. More specifically the wounds that often develop when a love relationship comes to an end. Real talk? Some romantic relationships end because they never should've started to begin with. Others end because of poor timing. Still some end because one of the partners decides to stop participating and believe you me, it is hard to do a relationship all by your lonesome. Yet no matter what the specific set of circumstances may be, when a person truly believes that they really did their best and a part of that was giving their best emotion, LOVE, it can be really hard to move past the pain once the journey ends (or reroutes...also another message for another time). Because after all...

"When a relationship dies, where does the love go?"

This was the question that I asked the Divine Spirit. I was a bit taken aback by his reply:

"Well, not many of you do it, but you should release those feelings back to us---the Godhead."

He then provided me a visual of a funeral. And things got really clear.

Ecclesiastes 9:5(NKJV) tells us, "For the living know that they will die; but the dead know nothing, and they have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten." There's one valid argument for why dead people are not in heaven. Yet. Another is thanks to this verse in Scripture: "For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are asleep. For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord." (I Thessalonians 4:15-17-NKJV) And Ephesians 5:14(NKJV) gives us yet another: "Therefore He says: 'Awake, you who sleep, arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.'" The dead know nothing. The dead in Christ will rise first (if dead people automatically went to heaven, why would Christ need to come back to get people who are already there?). The dead are asleep.

When we go to funerals, it's not actually a "Homegoing Service" because *only the Lord knows* (Romans 2:12-16, I Corinthians 4:5) who will be going to heaven or not. *After the Second Coming* (although it is nice to be as optimistic as possible!). No, what we are attending is a service to honor and celebrate the life (James 4:14) that the person lived *while here on earth*. And that is because they are *dead*: "no longer living" and "deprived of life". The spirit of a person returns to the Source (Genesis 2:7), but their vessel is asleep. Until God decides to resurrect them. Until the Source decides to give them their spirit back. Yet here's the catch: that's only *one definition* of "dead". There are a few others that explain what a lot of us go through when relationships, well...*die*:

Dead: no longer in use, valid, effective, or relevant; unresponsive or unaware; insensible; lacking in freshness, interest, or vitality; withered; faded

These are examples of how relationships die. Sometimes they are no longer effective or *relevant*. Sometimes people are involved with someone who decides to be unresponsive or unaware of what is needed for the relationship to thrive. Or survive. Sometimes someone in the relationship ceases to have any more interest. Sometimes relationships simply fade away.

You know, John 4:24 tells us that God is Spirit. I John 4:16 tells us that God is love.

Do you know what the "Whoa God! Do it God!" revelation was for me? In all of this?

I thought about the funerals that I've attended (more than my fair share, *trust me*) and how I had always had a peace because I understood that the spirit of the person went back to God. Even when my fiance' died, I understood this to be true. There was nothing that I could do about that fact and I certainly did miss him, yet there was also an unexplainable peace in it all. Honestly, I always felt really bad and a bit confused and uncomfortable for the people in the funeral services who just couldn't seem to let go of the person in the casket...*literally*.

They were dead. Those that loved them, in order for them to continue living, *had to be let go*.

Then I thought about my past relationships. How, honestly, I have clowned just as badly as those folks at those funerals because I wasn't willing to accept the relational death that had taken place. And it showed by the fact that I kept loving with the same focus and fervency as I had when the relationship was *alive*:

Alive: in a state of action; in force or operation; active; full of energy and spirit; lively; alert or sensitive to; aware of; in existence

Ecclesiastes 7:18(Message) tells us that, "It's best to stay in touch with both sides of an issue. A person who fears God deals responsibly with all of reality, not just a piece of it." The reality check here is that when *both partners* are not being *active* in a relationship, when they both are not being alert, sensitive to and aware of one another's needs, it ceases to be in the kind of existence that a *happy, healthy and whole* relationship is supposed to be and so yes, there is a death. And yet, when you're used to loving so much and sometimes for so long, wisdom is teaching me that often the pain goes deeper after the fact all because you don't allow that love to transition. Into something else. Into the blaring fact that:

Love that is needed to keep something alive is not the same kind of love we should be expressing once something is dead.

"Shellie, just like a dead person's spirit goes back to me, when a relationship comes to an end, one of the first prayer requests that you should make is for me to give you the strength, grace and faith to give your love back to me. Love comes from me. I am the Source and only I can resurrect the dead. *Any dead*. And only if I so choose. You won't be able to let go, fully heal and move forward unless you really rest in the understanding of that fact."

Hold a funeral for a relationship to honor the life that once *was*.

Then remember that love, godly love, isn't a past tense experience. God IS love.

Therefore, when a relationship transitions, so does the love. The love itself doesn't die, but in giving it back to the Source, it is given the miraculous ability to change form so that the love isn't tainted and the heart is given real space and freedom to be restored. In order to embrace something new.

Something that's...*alive*.

Whether it's resurrecting a past relationship or embarking upon something totally new. Again, because God IS love, God IS spirit, it's something that needs to be left, totally, in his hands.

Yep. There's no tellin' how much grief, pun intended, I could've spared myself had I thought to talk to the Godhead about this *years* ago, but praise them now for *loving me*, *LOVING US*, enough to tell us in this season. At this very moment.

In life, there is death. Therefore, relationships do die sometimes. But don't let the love be harmed by it.

Give it back to God. Let him transform it and you.

And watch the kind of LIFE that comes as a result.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."---Psalm 147:3(NKJV)

And God does it for a reason. And a purpose.

God IS love. He's *always* loving and working that love for our good. In the present. That's what "is" means.

Prayin' for the hurting this week...

SRW

"On Fire" (and an Ounce of Prevention): QUOTE OF THE DAY

2012-01-12T22:21:00.003-06:00

Yeah...

In having a bit of a counseling session with a male friend of mine re: a "slip up" in his relationship, this was his closing statement:

"Take a little advice from me...at this point, make sure to continue to wait. It's so not worth it. On top of all of that, it was not good...not because I didn't somewhat enjoy it, but as you well know, sex is a full body experience. Your heart, mind and soul really needs to be into it to make it the way it's supposed to be. If your heart is convicted that it's wrong, your heart isn't into it. Therefore, your mind wants to go along but doesn't completely go along, so it's there, but it's going through the motions, not giving it 100%. Your flesh is always willing, but it's not driven, so it's half-stepping at best. From what my friends have told me, even if you're a player, you're still totally wrapped up 'in the moment' until the moment is over. None of that was happening for me...or her, really. Don't do it...not only is it not following God's best for you, it's also a waste of time."

'NUF. SAID.

SRW

"On Fire": 10 QUESTIONS EVERY SINGLE WOMAN SHOULD ASK (AND ANSWER) HERSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP

2012-01-11T20:20:00.005-06:00

"Now prepare yourself like a [wo]man; I will question you, and you shall answer Me."---Job 38:3(NKJV)

“Sometimes questions are more important than answers.”---Nancy Willard

I recently got hired to do some writing for a romance website. Currently, that's *really funny* to me because...let's just say that I'm transitioning and so romance is a quirky (yeah, quirky is a good word-LOL) concept for me. In this season. And yet it seems like the universe (and the God of it) has been encouraging me to press on...in this category. And so...I shall. Be ye not weary in well doing (Galatians 6:9), right? Amen. And amen.

Anyway, as I was exploring a topic to pen on earlier today, I thought about bullet point articles (you know the "7 Ways to..." and "10 Reasons Why..." kind). The many that I have read on the issue of relationships and how some of been really helpful, some have been utterly ridiculous and some...are just redundant.

As I was talking to the Comforter (John 14:16-AMP) about bullet point pieces segueing into Q&A articles, I was sharing with him the fact that I think there are a lot of matters-of-the-heart traps that single women fall into because they may read a lot of stuff in search of information, but they don't always ask themselves the right questions. The kind that will lead them to the wisdom, knowledge *and understanding* that they seek. And so, after chatting it up with the Spirit (John 4:24) a bit, here is the conclusion we came to---the 10 questions that, if single women *really sought the answers to*, it would help them to better guard their (heart), not enter into danger zones and therefore result in making more spiritually-responsible choices *before* selecting someone to date (court) so that they can maintain a high level of maturity throughout the relationship (and this is key) so that *purposeful progress* is made.

Drum roll, please (LOL):

1) What is my *honest* reason for wanting a/this relationship right now? Is it *purposeful*? (Kingdom-building purposeful)

2) Am I emotionally and spiritually stable (i.e., healthy, self-aware) enough for a relationship? In this season.

3) How does the object of my affection (desire, attention) *add* to my life?

4) What Christ-like qualities (based on how the Word explains the nature of Christ to be) does he have and how does he model them to me? *Daily*. (List 10)

5) Does he want what I want? First, to please God (with or without me). Second, to remain sexually pure until marriage. And thirdly, to be in a marriage. THE COVENANT KIND. And did he feel this way prior to knowing me? Did he *live* this way prior to knowing me?

6) Do his weaknesses only make me weaker? In other words, do our strengths and weaknesses balance one another out? Do they help us to hold one another accountable?

7) Do I find myself making more sacrifices to make the relationship work than I should? And is it at the expense of not obeying my Father? (Remember it is better to *obey* than to *sacrifice*-I Samuel 15:22 and "more than you should" is more than you would for any other *friendship* since that is what you should be focusing on most with him at his time)

8) Am I denying the truth of the Lord's expectations of a godly relationship to remain in the one that I'm in, therefore, whether consciously or subconsciously, making this guy my idol? Am I *lying to myself* to stay in the relationship? WHAT AM I *DENYING MYSELF OF* TO STAY IN THE RELATIONSHIP?

9) In what ways have I seen my self spiritually *soar* since knowing him? In what ways am I stagnant? Or going backwards?

10) In being with this man, and perhaps someday marrying him, what kind of legacy will the two of us together leave for our future children? In other words, are we a *good* combination or is he just someone that I want to be with? Am I even looking for qualities that prove him to be a leader, a protector, a provider and a father? Is he the kind of person that can mentor a son and set an example for a daughter of what a godly man is to be?

Loaded questions. Yes, indeedy. But I think if you get out a journal and write this stuff out, it may surprise you (maybe good, maybe not so good but definitely progressive) what you discover. Sometimes, we're so busy being "in it" that we don't *really see* what we are (or are not) getting *out of it*. And if a relationship is not making you *better*, it's DEFINITELY one to *reconsider* on this side of jumping the broom. A man is to be *surplus* not a *void-filler*. No gods before God. NO GODS BEFORE GOD.

Enjoy the journey towards more discovery,

SRW

"On Fire": Research Biblical Husbands. Discover What You Need to Feel Valued.

2012-01-08T16:18:00.002-06:00

"The man who loves his wife loves himself."---Ephesians 5:28(NCV)

Monday, January 9 makes five years of me...not doing that married people do. In the marriage bed.

And just as I was sharing on another blog platform that I pen for, *this year*, it doesn't bring forth all of the "!!!" that it has in times past. Honestly? I'm a bit...neutral about it: knowing that it's what is expected of me as a Bible-believing single woman and yet, in being unsure of how long this unmarried status will last, I'm not clear on how to process it all. Moving forward. I do know the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), is true, though and since it says that in confession there is healing and with prayer there is power (James 5:16), prayer that I maintain would be *mad appreciated*. Nobody said faith was easy. Just that it's required.

In the meantime, as I was pondering all of the emotional detoxing that I've done over the past 365 days, I thought about how the "refiner's fire" has brought me to certain levels of clarity about not just what marriage entails, but what a husband should be like; *not just in general, but as it relates to me and my specific needs*. So often, especially within the Church, we are so used to repeating what we hear other people say that we don't *really pay attention to what is being said*.

Take, "I'm just waiting for my Boaz" for instance.

For one, Ruth didn't *wait* for Boaz. She worked *hard* in his fields and then, real talk, she came onto him. And, as much of an honorable man as he appears to have been, I wonder why it's often not stated that Boaz married Ruth, *partially out of obligation*. I'm not knocking the man, by any means. He *was* a good provider. He *does* appear to have been a gentleman. He *did* care about doing things in an orderly fashion---a way that would protect Ruth's character and Naomi's legacy. I'm just pointing out some of the facts that tend to be overlooked.

Personally, after doing some research on husbands in the Bible, the men who top my list (and not necessarily in this order) are Jacob for his unbreakable focus when it came to getting Rachel, Adam for the way he honored covenant *no matter what*, Elkanah for loving Hannah even in spite of her barrenness, King Xerses for his provision capabilities, unselfishness and the fact that he *listened* to his wife, Joseph for his ability to *hear and move* based on what the Lord told him to do and while it's not totally clear (to me) if they ever married, oh how I love the shepherd boy's passion in the Song of Solomon. As a poet, writer and passionate woman myself, I desire a man that digs me. I mean *really* digs me, just like the shepherd boy did the Shulamite woman.

This resolve was further confirmed when I read an article earlier this morning entitled, "Role of the Husband in the Bible". There was a line within it that says, "Husband, if you do not love your wife, you are at fault, regardless. If your love [has] grown cold, you have sinned."

Wow. IF YOUR LOVE HAS GROWN COLD, YOU HAVE SINNED.

Yep. *Hot love* is something that is biblically sound *and* the right of any godly wife!

It amazes me how many times, in times past, when it came to my interaction with romantic interests, I've overlooked this fact. It also amazes me, in hearing the stories of many women's dating escapades, how they seem to have as well. Because here's the thing: if a guy is not passionate about showing his interest in you while dating (and it really needs to be courting), why do so many women think that will change after the wedding (which really should be called a "covenant celebration")?

Kinda dating + Kinda into you = Sorta married

And a "sorta marriage", according to that article, is lukewarm and a lukewarm marriage is sinful!

And then to really drive the point home (and park it-LOL), I thought about something Ted Haggard's daughter said to him on "Celebrity Wife Swap" last week (that Ted Haggard/Gary Busey combo was fun-ny to me!). In speaking with her father about desiring more time with him, he said, "I always have time for you. When you need me, come and find me. I'll always be here." I loved her reply. She simply said, "It places more value on me when you seek me out."

Value: relative worth, merit, or importance

Seek: to go in search or quest of; to try to find or discover by searching or questioning; to try to obtain; to try or attempt (usually followed by an infinitive); to go to

She feels important to him when he searches for her. When he tries to discover more about her. When he makes attempts to spend time with her and get to know her better. Beautiful (and don't even get me started on why this is yet another reason why girls needs fathers in their lives...*to set this kind of standard!*).

I thought about how that applies to me personally at this juncture as well. Personally, I'm more in the "be sought after" lane because means "to be desired or in demand". See, I told y'all I was a passionate chick (LOL)! I want a man who finds me to be someone "in demand"---a top priority requirement in his life. For a long-term relationship to work, that is of *utmost importance* to me. And you know what? It's nice to *finally*, at 37, be at some "I know what my deal breakers are" places in this part of my life. Yep. I've been single and abstinent long enough to know that I'm not settling for less than being a woman who is *sought after* even once I am *brought over* to my Beloved.

And on the brink of this five-year anniversary, for all of the "On Fire" gals, I think this is my bottom line. A part of being single is becoming *whole*. Not just as an individual, but in breaking away from fragmented philosophies re: what you desire in a future covenant companion. Oh, how often so many of us *claim* to have a resolve about the kind of husband we want/need and then some guy comes along and it all crumbles. And how can you build *anything* on a shaky foundation? Ladies...*you can't*.

So, I encourage you this year to spend your own time researching the husbands of the Bible. Which ones "do it for you" and why? Spend more time deciding what you need to feel valued. Oh, and read that article that I mentioned in this blog and perhaps keep a journal filled with this information along the way. Nelson Mandela once said, "There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living."

Think that doesn't apply to marriage? *Of course it does!*

Continue your quest for self and relational discovery. Embrace what you find. Receive what God reveals.

'Cause after all of this time, who wants to be "kinda sorta married"?!? Not me!

Ahavah Shalom,

SRW

"On Fire": QUOTE (AND VIDEO) OF THE DAY

2012-01-03T18:08:00.002-06:00

Oh these kiddies today (LOL)...

How they've missed out on *so much good television programming*. Just now, while finishing up a deadline, I heard Dwayne Wayne (you know, from a "Different World") say this in response to Freddie Brooks asking, "What's the point in praying if you're not gonna get what you prayed for?"

Dwayne (after a really great lil' story to illustrate his point): "When you pray, you can ask for things, you can yell, you can try and cut a deal. Sometimes you get what you want. Sometimes you get what you need. Sometimes you just get what you get. You know what God does? I think he helps you hang in with what you get."

Sometimes, nothing more needs to be said. ;-)

Have a good one.

SRW

"On Fire": 2012: May You Be Blessed with a Great Pair of Jeans and a Great Man!

2012-01-01T17:13:00.001-06:00

Hey Ministers-in-Training...

Indeed, a new (calendar) year is upon us. I really can't believe just how fast time is moving. More and more, I am learning to *really* do just what Proverbs 27:1(NKJV) tells us to: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth"; to embrace *each and every day* as a building block for the next...to not be so focused on what *could happen* or quite possibly *will happen* that I lose sight of what *is happening*: growth...change...transition...preparation.

As I was praying for the "On Fire"...um...team (LOL), I thought about an article that I recently read on one of my favorite websites, Aish.com. It's entitled, "Stuck in the Dating Desert". It's a Q&A format piece. Here's the question:

Dear Rosie & Sherry,

I’m at my wits end. I have been dating for many years, and I still haven't found my soul mate. (Or maybe I did, but he didn't think I was his.) Either way, I'm still single and very unhappy about it.

I've tried everything. I moved to New York. I got a makeover and take really good care of my looks and my health. I have joined several Jewish Internet dating services and have met with matchmakers. I've looked at my character traits and I have been working to improve those that need strengthening.

My therapist says that as long as I'm doing the right things, that should console me. I think that's crazy. Every time I do something positive, I go to bed feeling even worse. I live a productive life – I have a good job and my colleagues and students like me – but that doesn't stop me from thinking about this… all the time.

I find myself hating engaged people and newlyweds. I avoid them whenever possible. I don't have the strength to wish them mazel tov, and I've probably hurt many people's feelings because of this.

My friends say I should "get back on the horse" and go back on the Internet sites, but I think it’s a waste of time and money. I have no hope. And I don't like what I've become. I pray to God to help me find the right person, but I can't bear it any more. I don't know what else to do. Help!

Now, if this is something that you can relate to, I'll let you go to the link and check out their advice (they had some really good insights, by the way). However, I'll share with you what the Comforter---THE COMFORTER (John 14:16-AMP)---personally shared with me about it---about how to deal with feeling like you're either in a dating desert or just...alone in a desert. You know, kinda like the Israelites: knowing that what you've left behind is no good, believing that the Promised Land is real and ahead of you, but not really enjoying the desert experience. And why would you? Just by the very definition of the word, your feelings are fully justified: "any place lacking in something".

With the emotional roller coaster ride that I have been on for the past couple of years that culminated into a sickening thud of disappointment just days before my rebaptism last September, I must admit that I can relate to wanting to find some relief. I laughed when I *finally* got some via a (Riders by) Lee jeans commercial. It's what Stacy London says in the very beginning of it: "Wear what FITS and FLATTERS" that hooked me. I've seen it dozen of times, but for some reason, *on that particular day*, it struck a harmonious chord within. Indeed, there is nothing like getting a pair of jeans that fit and flatter. Not one or the other. *Both*.

If you've been following these postings long enough, then you know that I believe that the Spirit (John 4:24) speaks to me really closely to the way that I speak. *That said*, it was funny when I heard him say, "You've lost a few pounds. Get a new pair of jeans. And while you're looking for a pair that 'fit' and 'flatter', how about you commit to settling for no less when it comes to a man while you're at it." Man oh man! Have you looked up the definitions of "fit" and/or "flatter" lately?

Fit: (adj.) adapted or suited; appropriate; proper or becoming; qualified or competent, as for an office or function; PREPARED OR READY; in good physical condition; in good (spiritual) health; (v) to be of the right size or shape for; to adjust or make conform; to make qualified or competent

Flatter: to try to please by complimentary remarks or attention; to represent favorably (by approval and support); TO SHOW TO ADVANTAGE

The first point? Flatter has other definitions as well, ones that aren't so...well, flattering. Hence the need to reiterate the purpose of waiting on someone who doesn't *just* flatter, but fits you as well.

The second point? Observation and a bit of experience have taught me that just like a pair of ill-fitted jeans, some women are so desperate just to be with someone, that they are not even willing to see that the guy they are currently with (or wanting to be with) is *not* the right fit. He's not getting prepared for covenant, which means he's not even close to being ready *and* it doesn't really reflect that being with him is *holistically advantageous* for her.

Point three: A lot of times our prayer focus, as it relates to this matter, may not be to be joined to who's *fitting* or *flattering*. We want a companion, sure, but we're not asking the Lord to bless us with who is *appropriate*, *becoming*, *qualified for the office or function*...someone who will *represent us favorably*. And again, just like a pair of great fitting jeans, that doesn't usually happen overnight. It requires patience. It requires determination. It requires *really knowing yourself and being willing to observe from all angles* who is best for you. And who isn't. *And why*. It's about being with a man who is in good spiritual health, a man who is willing to make the necessary adjustments to be a responsible husband...a man who is the right size and shape in every relevant way. A MAN WHO IS A FITTING AND FLATTERING VESSEL TO BECOME ONE WITH (Genesis 2:24-25) US. AND IT'S ABOUT BEING THE KIND OF WOMAN WHO WILL NOT COMPROMISE UNTIL WE ARE BROUGHT TO HIM (Genesis 2:22).

All of that from a jeans commercial? Yep. Can you believe it (LOL)?

And so, this will be my prayer for all single women desiring covenant in 2012. That when someone asks, "So why aren't you married?" you can confidently say, "I'm waiting for the one who fits and flatters me."

Oh! And that in those desert times, you will hold this Scripture close to your head and heart; one that is speaking to the return of Christ, but being that Scripture often speaks to Christ being the groom coming to get us, his bride, I think is fitting. And flattering:

"Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time—pray that our God will make you fit for what he's called you to be, pray that he'll fill your good ideas and acts of faith with his own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, he will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely."---2 Thessalonians 1:11-12(Message)

Here's to walking in faith, walking in grace, walking in love. Towards something...*greater*.

Ahavah Shalom,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Divine Matchmaker" (Joel Johnson, Casey Johnson)

2011-12-27T12:11:00.002-06:00

Hook, line and sinker. I *so dig* how this dude went through all of this *just to court her*...

"It took Joel months of prayer to wade through the ocean of intense feelings that he had for Casey. But he did not falter in keeping his vow to God; he was resolute in his decision not to pursue Casey until God clearly guided him to do so.

After four months of mitigating his heart's overwhelming sentiment towards her, Joel, with the grace of God, finally subdued his will. For the first time in months, Joel's will, concerning this subject, was deeply and truly ready to do whatever God wanted without waver. Two weeks later, in January, he heard God speak to him and the Holy Spirit guided him to pursue Casey. Joel eagerly responded by following God's leading with a brave heart!

A few weeks later in Houston, Joel asked Casey out to lunch. Casey accepted. Lunch lasted seven hours. Two days later, January 27th, after traversing through a whole day of prayer and a sleepless night, Joel invited Casey out to coffee at Barnes & Noble. They walked around the store pursuing various portrait and photography books, but most of the time they spent talking and, more than they ever had before, laughing. Joel invited Casey to sit. They sat on the floor side-by-side, leaning against a tall, oak bookshelf. As Casey and Joel looked through one particular book, which was filled with various pictures of lions and their cubs, Joel, finally, built up enough courage to ask Casey the question that he knew would lead him to defining his feelings for her. And so he asked, 'What do you think the process of leading up to a wholesome and godly courtship looks like?'

She said, 'Oh?' and then thought for a second or two. She then answered, 'Well, it would have to be a friendship that is centered around God.'

Joel agreed and then asked her if she would like to enter into that kind of friendship with him. He nervously waited for a reply. She said, 'Yes.' Joel spent the next two days in a state of chemical imbalance.

Joel and Casey's friendship grew. They become closer...and closer...and closer...until they become best friends. Joel's heart grew more and more fond of Casey. And who could blame him? He had discovered the most wonderful, beautiful and enchanting woman in the entire world. Once again, Joel sought God for his direction and guidance concerning Casey's and his relationship. One day, as he was praying in a field, he asked the Holy Spirit, 'Do you want me to court Casey?'

The Spirit replied, 'What do you want?'

Joel was momentarily stunned by the Holy Spirit's lively retort, but Joel began to thoughtfully and earnestly search the depths of his heart. What he discovered in his exploration was that there was nothing in the world that he desired to do more. He exclaimed, 'Yes! Yes, I want to court her!" He felt a great peace run over his heart like a strong and steady stream. That very day, Joel planned where and how he was going to ask Casey to court him.

On the morning of May 17th, Joel surprised Casey by cooking breakfast at her apartment and then whisking her off to Dallas for the day. They walked and talked for hours through what seemed like endless gardens at the Dallas Arboretum. In the center of the estate, Joel spotted a very curious-looking tree. It had an unbelievably thick branch that jutted, nearly horizontal, out from its lower trunk. The branch was only about two feet from the ground and had two drooping bows in it. Joel thought it seemed like a perfect place to sit. So, he asked Casey if she would like to join him. She did and they talked some more and laughed much, much more.

In the midst of their conversation, Joel asked Casey what she thought the definition of a courtship was. After some thinking, she defined it to be a relationship with the possibility of marriage. Joel agreed and then, trying not to show his over-enthusiasm, asked her if she would like to enter into a courtship with him. She said, 'I would very much like that.'

They embraced and then prayed, dedicating their courtship to God. Throughout the ensuing weeks and months, Joel and Casey grew incredibly close. They began to care for each other more and more and more and more...until they feel deeply in love. One year and two months after Joel discovered the flames of a heart wholly devoted to Christ, flickering in Casey's eyes, he got down on one knee, and for the very first time, he told Casey that he loved her. He then asked her to marry him. Casey replied...

Joel had stopped reading. My eyes were filled with tears as he tenderly asked me to stand. Joel then got down on one knee and pulled a little black box from his back pocket. (This was the kind of black box that houses a very particular piece of jewelry, one that I had dreamt of receiving since I was a little girl!)

My mind could not help but wonder what the ring looked like. It was an astonishing feeling, the anticipation I felt in my heart, waiting for that little black box to open. The words I had longed to hear my entire life were now coming out of Joel's mouth, 'Casey, will you marry me?'

I must have drifted into a different world because I stood there lost in his deep blue eyes. I was soaking up the moment when I detected a hint of concern in his gaze. I then realized I had neglected to answer him! While I was engrossed in the moment, with my head in the clouds, I had just left him there on his knee in suspense as to what I would say...I think he got a little nervous!

After realizing this, I shouted, 'YES...YES, YES, YES, I will marry you!'

He quickly jumped from his knee, whisked me into his arms and spun me around. We danced one last time on the beach as we told each other over and over again how much we loved each other. After all, it was our very first time saying it.

Sorry to cut into the romantic flow of the story ladies, but I (Joel) felt it necessary to interject a thought here. Some people are shocked to hear that the first time I ever told Casey that I loved her was after I proposed to her. The reason I never said it before was I didn't want to say those words to any woman I was romantically interested in without a commitment attached to it. I had seen too many relationships move too fast and then end in heartbreak. I had also seen the words 'I love you' used to manipulate other people's feelings. Usually it's the girl who feels the man is making a commitment, but he is really only using the words to get what he wants from the relationship. When I said the words 'I love you' I wanted them to have weight and to really mean something. I wanted them to be attached to the commitment that I would spend the rest of my life with the woman who heard me say them. I wouldn't, and couldn't, use those words unless I truly meant them."---"The Proposal", pgs.22-24

It's a *really good story* complete with tuxedos, white dresses, plane flights, etc. *And that's just the proposal!*. I just don't have the time, today, to type out any more of it out. I'll just leave it at this: A godly man is a good man. He simply loves...*differently*. AND our choices speak to the kind of love that we *truly* desire. Much more than our words. Because when we really want a godly man, we will love *ourselves*...differently.

You can cop this gem here.

Don't settle. *You don't have to*.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-12-27T11:00:00.003-06:00

Sometimes...

Nothing else needs to be said:

"Just because a man has sex with a woman, it doesn’t mean that he’s spent even a second of his time deciding whether or not he wants to be with her or have a relationship in the future.

In other words. a man’s not going to ever 'see your worth' just because you’ve slept with him. And more to the point, it is NOT the Physical Attraction a man feels for a woman, and getting close to her physically, that makes a man really 'feel it' for you and want more.

Sex does NOT equal a relationship for a man.

...What makes a man 'see your worth' and end up FEELING so strongly for you that he wants a real relationship is something other than sex and PHYSICAL desire and ATTRACTION."

If you want to read more on this, check it here.

A message for the New Year is coming later this week. If you have prayer requests in the meantime, feel free to shoot them to missnosipho@gmail.com. Praying, in the meantime, for a year of honesty, clarity and non-compromise for all!

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-12-21T20:42:00.001-06:00

"It’s tempting to lie to yourself, especially when it allows you to stay in our comfort zone."---Lori Deschene

Gee...

And I wonder how many of us think about this quote in relationship to the *promise* found in I Corinthians 10:13(NKJV): "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." That some of us need to be delivered from lying to ourselves. From making false statements. From accepting deceit.. From embracing untruths. *Just because they make us feel comfortable*. Just because we are content with things or us being as they are. Simply because we are scared of stepping out on faith (Hebrews 11)...towards the unfamiliar...the more-than- adequate...the above and beyond what's sufficient.

As a disciple (John 8:31), as believer (Mark 9:23), life is to be more than adequate and sufficient. Those kinds of words often speak to settling; not opening oneself up to receiving the absolute best that the Most High has in mind for his children. And in this case, his daughters.

Something that I have been speaking, with much intention this year, is that I want to pick out of my *purpose*, not my *pain*. If we are still wrapped up in lies about our self-worth or value, how can we trust the choice of anything healthy...including a husband? Many of us need to spend time learning *our truths* (who we are, what we were called to do, the kind of life the Lord wants us to live) before we join our lives to someone else's reality. We need to step out of our comfort zone so that we can be prepared to receive the *boundless* abundance (John 10:10) that Adonai has for our lives. Besides, what should be be afraid of? No child of the King goes out of their *comfort zone* without the *Comforter* (John 14:16-AMP).

Just something to think about. Truthfully.

SRW

"On Fire": Is He Selfish? Do You Really Feel Safe and Secure?

2011-12-16T20:33:00.003-06:00

Later this weekend...

I will be penning a devotional on selfishness. As I was doing some research on the topic, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) a quote that really stayed with me:

"The one who loves the least, controls the relationship.”---Dr. Robert Anthony

I've seen the commercials for "Braxton Family Values" quite a bit and it always tickles me when Toni's little sister, Tamar (initially I was like, "Wow! Her mom named her 'Tamar' (?!?) and then I saw that in Hebrew that it means, 'Palm tree; upright') says, "Ohhhhhhhhh!" (LOL) That's how I felt when I read the quote by that self-help author because I have seen that manifest in my own life *and* in the lives of a lot of the women that I know. They *claim* what they want in a relationship and yet, they remain with a man who is not giving them that. And usually, not what they need, either. And still...they remain. Day in, day out. Month in, month out. Until it turns into years. *And then*, they stay because it's been years. Hmph. I think I have quoted before one of my favorite lines from the urban classic film "Love Jones" several times before: "All we have are all these years." It's a vicious (and on many levels, counterproductive) cycle. You keep trying to show that you are worthy of a commitment and he keeps on letting you do whatever it is you think you should do to prove that.

Gee. How generous of him (wink).

And so, in the hopes (Romans 5:5) and prayers that a lot of women won't go into the new calendar year in a relationship that is controlled by someone who doesn't love them in a healthy and *productive* way, I am also enclosing an excerpt from an article I read entitled, "How to Identify Selfish Men Before It's Too Late":

"Whatever happened to a 50/50 relationship? One where he does the same or more for you, does that exist anymore? I say they do, and if you are not in a relationship that is 50/50 right now, then you are doing yourself a great injustice and wasting away your youth and beauty on someone who possibly will never change. At least not for you. He may learn a valuable lesson when your gone, if he does that’s a good thing but the next woman he is with will be the one who benefits from your suffering.

Most men learn their lesson when the woman they’re currently with is gone and he finally realizes exactly how much he actually loved her. We’ve all heard the expression, 'You don’t know what you have, until it’s gone', right? In order to ensure that we don’t meet that same fate and suffer heartbreak again (yes, men suffer heartbreak too) we learn as much as possible from our last relationship and attempt to change. Now it may take three or four break-ups for us to get it right, but eventually we get it.

Now as for the guys whom haven’t learned this important lesson, currently they are in relationships with women (or girls) who as I stated above overlook the obvious, for now. For those of you who have been through relationship blues with selfish men and seek desperately to avoid this situation in the future I’ve created a list (Thanks to JuJu) to help you identify and hopefully avoid men who are selfish and not ready to change. For those men that haven’t changed yet, you may want to bypass him for now because he’s still a work in progress.

When first going out with a man in an attempt 'to determine if it may become something more, here are somethings you should look for and their absence should be noted and carefully scrutinized later:

4) Does he go out of his way to make sure you are safe and secure?

Would he drive to your work place late at night just to walk you to your car to make sure you are safe? Does he ask you before hanging up after a late night talk? Are the doors and windows secure? If he does these things it’s because he cares and you are important to him. He puts your well being ahead of his own which shows total unselfishness."

There are quite a few on the list (and the making love one, I'm sure you know I don't endorse pre-marriage), but it was "4" that really hooked me. I know women who are driving up and down roads to see their men. I know women who are on the phone all night long during the work week with their men (when it's convenient *for him* to be on the phone all night...if *he* has a meeting the next day, he's off). I know women who are investing more than they are ever receiving a return on from their men. And I'm really and truly at a place now of asking myself (and them as led), "Does that really make you feel like he can take good care of you? THAT HE CARES TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU?"

There's a couple that I know that, upon their first Christmas together while courting (they're married now), the guy and I were discussing what he should get his then girlfriend. Do you know what he decided upon? A house alarm. Do you know what that made me think? "Now that's *a man* right there!" She wasn't too long into her property and he wasn't comfortable with it being unprotected. He was showing signs, in their courtship, that he would be *proactive* in making her feel safe and secure. He didn't leave her house and be like, "Lock up, OK?" He *made a concerted effort* to care for who he cared about. *Love that!*

Now, that doesn't mean that we don't have moments when we need to look at ourselves as well (there's a good read on that here). A matter of fact, if there is a *blaring lesson* that 2011 has taught me, it's that I need to ACCEPT things (and people) for what (and who) they are. Meaning, not be so selfish as to try and make it (or them) be something it (or they) are not. Or to even assume that they should be. However, the *beauty* in singleness is that when it comes to pondering (Proverbs 4:26) a potential mate, when there are things going on that are *clearly unacceptable*, I don't have to go through the processing that a wife does. I can get out of the relationship. Amazing how often we as single women tend to commit as if we are married before we actually (and that would mean *officially*) are. And then we act shocked and betrayed when the guy we are "committing to" knows better than to do the same: he knows not to act like a husband *until he is a husband*.

And you know what? GOOD FOR HIM. That's a pretty smart thing to do.

Anyway, it's the Sabbath and so I'm gonna chill out for the rest of the evening. Oh, but I do hope that the quote will give you something to think about. The objective of a spiritually prosperous relationship should be, among many other things, *progressive mutuality*. Therefore, no one should be feeling *controlled*. Oh, but again, that quote is a winner! What kind of selfish acts, at the hand of your significant other, have *you* working overtime to make your relationship work? And when you think about it...is the relationship *working*?

You know, there is another quote that I dig by Oscar Wilde that says, "There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.” Keeping trash in your house will only stink up the place. Keeping things that you don't really need only clutters it. Fear is also a form of selfishness and also a *really poor motive* (Philippians 2:3) for remaining in a relationship that you know you need to get out of: fear that you won't get someone better (suited for you) or fear that he will. Are you staying out of fear? Even if it's just fear of the unknown?

A wise man once said that true wisdom is not in having the right answers but in asking the right questions.

Here's to finding the ones that you are needing in order to get the love that you desire.

Rather than the kind of relationship that controls (or has been controlling) you.

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen" (Candice Watters)

2011-12-14T17:07:00.001-06:00

Good lookin' out, Lori!

Hook, line and sinker right here...

"Even if a couple doesn't acknowledge Jesus as Lord and Savior, even if they're not aware of the creation mandate, they can still partake in the goodness of marriage. Even in a day when women don't need a marriage for the same practical reasons as they once did, social research reinforces the truth that God created marriage for our good. One of the best collections of evidence is The Case for Marriage by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher. What they and others have discovered is in the natural realm reinforces the timeless wisdom found in Scripture:

Ecclesiastes 9 says, 'Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.'

Waite and Gallagher say, 'The old adage, 'Two can live as cheaply as one' contains more than a grain of truth. Husbands and wives usually only need one set of furniture and appliances, one set of dishes, one lawn mower...This kind of pooling means couples can have the same standard of living for much less money and effort than can an adult living alone.'

Proverbs 18:22 says, 'He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord.'

Steve L. Nook says, 'Masculinity is precarious and must be sustained in adulthood. Normative marriage does this. A man develops, sustains, and displays his masculine identity in his marriage. The adult roles that men occupy as husbands are core aspects of their masculinity.'

Matthew 19:6 says, 'So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.'

Waite and Gallagher again: 'The promise of permanence is key to marriage's transformative power. People who expect to be a part of a couple for their entire lives---unless something awful happens---organize their lives differently from people who are less certain their relationship will last. The marriage contract, because it is long-term, encourages husbands and wives to make decisions jointly and to function as part of a team. Each spouse expects to be able to count on the other to be there and to fulfill his and her responsibilities.'

Song of Songs 1:2 says, 'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth---for your love is more delightful than wine.'

Waite and Gallagher say, 'Married people have both more and better sex than singles do. They not only have sex more often, but they enjoy it more, both physically and emotionally, than do their married counterparts. Only cohabitors have more sex than married couples, but they don't necessarily enjoy it as much. Marriage, it turns out, is not only good for you, it is good for your libido too.'

The goodness of marriage comes when we surrender to the timeless institution that was endowed with meaning and purpose before we were ever born..."---"Believe Marriage Is a Worthwhile and Holy Pursuit", pg.25-26

Funny. God's timing (Acts 1:7-Message). I *just* read an article on the decline of marriage in America. Just because people use it less doesn't mean it's lost its value. *Not by a long shot*. Anyway, you can cop this gem here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "10 Ways to Separate the Boys from the Men"

2011-12-12T13:40:00.001-06:00

Yeah. I *straight* copied and pasted this. *In its entirety*. 'Nuf said:

Women do not know how to pick men. They pick the man of their dreams. Then they try to make McDreamy come alive in their reality. The reality is that it is estimated that 95% of women want to date the top 5% of men. Stop dreaming. Meanwhile men are willing to date darn near anybody who can twerk it right. So when you see a happily married couple and the wife is busted but the brother is a pretty boy, light-skindid with brown eyes, a brother that would be in your top 5%. Don’t say how did she get him? It wasn’t her. It was him doing something that you will never do. He relaxed his visual requirement a bit so that he could find some one that he thought he could build a strong marriage with.

Now I am not saying settle. I am suggesting that you date on your level. Find your level, date there. You are not perfect, neither will he be. Having the most money, has nothing to do with how successful one is in marriage. Anybody can make money. Go get your own money. Tall men sometimes make short kids. Pretty boys can’t fight and I have seen some ugly light-skindid babies. It is time for women to start looking at the CORE of a man. Look at what is inside of a man. His morals, his ethics, his judgment, his spirit. Stop looking at him or at his wallet or at his house or at his car and look in him. This is what you are looking for:

10. Look for a man that knows how to be “The Man”

This maybe a tad bit more difficult for some who don’t have the strong Father figure but I allow no excuses. If you don’t have a Father figure you know that right now, you have known that for some time. Go find out what a man is before you get into a bad relationship. Take some responsibility. (You know what, just keep reading this article. This article shall meet your educational credit. Pop Quiz to come.) Example #1: Your car breaks down, he shows no concern, he does not offer to help. You bounce. Even the mechanically challenged man knows that the car is the man’s responsibility. A man that is the biggest ho on earth still knows that as a man he is in charge of safety. And I don’t care what level of dating you are on. If ya’ll just met tonight and your car breaks down leaving the club and you call him and he don’t show in prove, bounce. Example #2: You bring your man home for the holidays. Dinner is ready, you and momma are moving the other table from the living room into the dining room so every body can eat in one room. You and momma pick up a set of chairs and a table and carry it across the room in front of your man setting on the couch maxing and relaxing. He don’t move, he don’t eat. Food, you, nothing, it’s a wrap.

9. Look for a man that is looking for a woman

Not a skeezer, not a trick, not a ho. If he tries to hit it on the first date either he is not looking for a woman or he doesn’t think that you are one. If you want a relationship, don’t settle for dating, just be friends. Being friends with a man first and maintaining your respect will get you to a relationship a lot faster than the occasional sex you give up waiting for a title. (I think that I have properly set the tone now. Let’s continue.)

8. Look for a man that is not broken.

I didn’t say broke. I said broken, meaning, his spirit, his wallet and his heart. If he don’t have faith in GOD to get him back on his feet, if he don’t have a plan to fix his wallet and he is emotionally unstable (“Men Don’t Heal, We Ho” – A Book About the Emotional Instability in Men. Available now on an internet near you – http://www.RelationshipBeast.com) beat-your-feet. He can’t take care of you if he can’t take care of himself. I didn’t say broke, got to tell ya’ll twice sometimes. A man being broke is not an excuse for not giving a man a shot. Money can be made. It comes and it goes. The problem with a lot of you ladies is that you are so busy looking at a brother’s pocket that you miss the potential in him. He could be about to “GET MONEY”. Broke brothers stand up! I’ve been broke before, look at me now! LOOK . . . AT . . . ME . . . NOW!!!!!

Evaluate the man. An evaluation is about where he was yesterday, where he is today and where he will be tomorrow. Whenever I meet a sistah that is dating a brother that is broke the first question I ask her is, “Do you believe in him?” The second question I ask her is, “Did he have money and lost it some way?” The third question is, . . . look, you saw the shameless plug, get the book.

7. Look for a Mailman.

That Mailman thingy is a play on words. I am nice with these words. The reference to mailman here is in regards to a man that can deliver the required message to his family. Whether this message needs to be a positive message or a negative message. So when my wife came home and said that she had been laid off that day, I said “We will be fine, I hated that job for you anyway. Dang job stressing my baby out.” What I really wanted to say was “Do you have anything that we can sell or pawn?”

When my wife came home and said, “We are expecting.” I had news too, bad news. I had been laid off that day. Again, I told her, “We will be fine.” I deliver the mail baby! Word is bond son!

Sadly I must report that the words, “We can’t afford that.” Are quite popular at my house. But there are enough times where the words “WOW! Thank you!” are also uttered. Look for a man that can be responsible for maintaining a financial balance in the home. If I tell my wife that “I ain’t got it,” I know in advance that she was about to ask for it and my plan is already in motion on how to get it for here. She knows that.

6. Look for a man that knows how to handle a woman

Ya’ll get out of line sometime with that mouf and that lose neck. Find that man that is not going to take the bait. The one that is not going to argue with you every time you want to argue. The one that can calmly say to you “Baby, when you are ready to have a conversation about your concern holla at your man.” Look for a strong brother that can put you in your place. (This means that you have to know your place – “10 Ways to go from Girlfriend to Wife.”) Don’t give me the, “I can’t find a brother like that.” There are brothers out there like this, he just may not be in your Top 5% and if you can’t find one, that means that you mustn’t be in the Top 5% either. (Let me just re-set the tone.)

5. Look for a man that knows how to let a woman be a woman.

If you have to be less of a woman to be with a man, wrong man. (Women, know what a woman is.) Look for a man that allows you to run the household. The problem with a lot of marriages today is that our roles are reversed, crossed or not well defined. My wife chooses the furniture – after I set a budget. My wife decides on what is for dinner – after I make suggestions. My wife is the Director of Child Rearing at the crib – I set the boundaries and the goals (and hand out “The Smackdown” on my son). Make sure that your womanhood and role is carved out in the relationship. I feel the need to provide more examples of this:

I went out and purchased a table and chairs for the breakfast nook when we moved into our new home – She did not talk to me for two weeks, I took the table and chairs back. I was minding her business.

I set a budget for some rugs around the house. She bought rugs that I didn’t like. She bought some rugs that she liked. I said to my wife “You stayed with in the budget?” My wife responded, “Yeap, go head on to your office or game room or somewhere.” She gets to make decisions too. Look for a man that knows what decisions are woman’s decisions. You define what are woman’s decisions to you. You gain this ability to decide by meeting all “10 Ways to go from Girlfriend to Wife.”

Final example, my son had been sick for a couple of weeks. The Doctor prescribed a stronger steroid. My wife said, “No more steroids for my son”. I said, “I trust the professional opinion of the Doctor that you chose.” I made my opinion known, she decides. She decides because that is the role that we carved out for her. I am a dominant man but I empower my woman.

4. Look for a man that does not mind helping out around the house.

True story: I wrote about 15 points for this article and decided that I didn’t like 7 of them so I cut ‘em. So I was down to 9 and I needed one more point. I took a break to go and put a load of clothes in the washer. BINGO!

Keeping up with the daily household chores is hard work. Especially when you have a full time job. Especially when you got them kids running around and it’s dinner time. If you got a man that gets off work and plops himself in front of the couch until dinner and then after dinner he plops himself back on the couch. What, you think he is going to change after you marry him? I know you think you can. I know you will try and sometimes succeed, but are you happy? You are in charge of finding a brother that is going to make you happy. If your man don’t want to help, he don’t care about you. Look for a man that can wash & fold clothes, clean the kitchen, sweep, mop, vacuum, change diapers and cook. If he don’t know one of those, he must commit to learning. (We are not dusting. We just not.)

3. Look for a Leader, he will lead your family and your marriage.

Woman, you are not the leader of the family. You are not the head of the household. Any marriage where the woman is the leader will fail. Any family where the woman is the head of household will fail. (Ladies, chill!!!! Let me do this. Don’t you want a man that knows how to lead you? Well, let me put this responsibility on them and my brothers will step up to plate. Additionally, men have to develop sons that are leaders. Men have to show their daughters what a leader looks like so she can go get one. Sistah, if you are leading the household, all of that is all screwed up! A boy cannot learn how to be a man from a woman. A girl cannot learn what a man looks like by watching her momma. Now, I have asked nicely for your participation. If you still don’t like it, I don’t care, it’s biblical.)

Families need leadership. A leader, leads in every way. A leader knows when to lead and when to allow others to lead. A leader has good decision making skills and families have a lot of decisions to make. When you are looking for your leader, look for some one that can lead even when times are tough. A man that can lead the family through bankruptcy, foreclosure, cancer, whatever. A leader, a good decision maker, the man, will make the right decision (with his wife’s input) on what house to buy, what car to get, daycare, private school, college. A leader, a good decision maker, the man, knows that if he makes the wrong decision, he will fix it. (Men, if you lose your respect, you can’t lead. You are disqualified homie.)

Leadership is not just about decision making. Leadership is also about leading by example. When my wife and I are arguing, I am OPEN to apologizing first every time. I lead us out of the argument. When my wife and I are arguing, I am capable of allowing my wife to have the last word. That woman needs to vent. I am still Man. She knows it or it is on in her life.

2. Look for a man that respects the institution of Marriage.

A marriage is not a relationship. A relationship is nothing compared to a marriage. A marriage is a union, an institution. When you get married, from that day forth, everything is different. My goal in writing these books and articles is to restore marriage to the pedestal that it used to be on! A person who is married has agreed to make some sacrifices and compromises that you don’t have to make as a single person. Marriage is hard work. The institution deserves our respect. Single woman, never advise a married woman to leave her husband. Advise her to go and get some advice. Single man, challenge your married brother to stay in the marriage and with his family. Some times a brother just needs another brother to tell him to stay and figure it out.

Look for a man that understands that there will be ups and downs in marriage and that he is responsible for leading you through those tough times. Look for a man that accepts the responsibility of the fact that the success or failure of marriage rest on his shoulders and his leadership. That’s right, I am putting ALL of it on the man. So if all of it is on the man that is a lot of responsibility right? So we need a woman who knows how to support her man.

1. Look for a man that will take pride in being a Husband.

The problem with marriage right now is that men don’t have “Being a Great Husband” as a goal in marriage. We have not been taught that, but it is something that we can talk about. Ask your man how important it is for him to be a great husband. When men get married, we have to change. We now have to be more man than we were before. We are no longer a boyfriend, we are a husband. Look for a man that understands that there are additional responsibilities that come with being a husband. Say to your man, “When we get married, I am entrusting my life to you.” Support your man and let him know that you believe in him. In my book I challenge all Husbands to “Be the Best Husband in the World”. Every day I walk up to Husbands and say, “I am a better Husband than you are.” In hopes of a Husband saying back to me, “No you are not”.

Now I did not say anything about a Christian man. You already know to look for a man that puts God first right? This guide is very detailed. All men are not going to have all of this all the time. Even I fall short on occasion but I know who I want to be.

Women don’t get all bent if your man is not all of these things or if he doesn’t agree to some of these things. I was only maybe about half this list when I got married, the rest I had to learn. So your man may have to learn. So some of these concepts will be being introduced to your man. He doesn’t have to agree today or agree publicly. He will agree one day, even if it’s only privately.

This list is not the end all, be all. It is my opinion. Is it perfect? Yes and No. Yes because I wrote it, no because you didn’t. You can post your opinion by submitting a comment right now.

Nothin' like the tone of a man to, as Savon said in "Love Jones", "Break it down so that it can consistently and forever be broke!" (LOL). You can read more of Steven James Dixon's stuff here. You probably won't agree with everything but what I dig about him is that he doesn't seem to care and there's enough pearls that it's worth stopping by from time-to-time for sure. Matter of fact, I think I'm gonna throw him up on the blog roll.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "20 Flags Mr. Right Is Mr. Wrong"

2011-12-11T23:33:00.001-06:00

"A person who understands what is right learns more from just a warning than a foolish person learns from 100 strokes with a whip."---Proverbs 17:10(NIRV)

“It is what you don't expect... that most needs looking for.”---Neal Stephenson

So, I was just about to sign off for the day (well...night-LOL) and someone wrote in to ask me a question. In preparing to answer, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) an article entitled, "20 Flags Mr. Right Is Mr. Wrong". For the additional copy click here. Below is simply the list. It's a pretty thorough one.

That said, ignoring warning signs are not an indication of utilizing wisdom. That's actually the epitome of foolishness. So, please process and then share this list with as many as you can. Better to adhere *on the front end*. One day I'll get a couple of wives on here to prove it. For now, you might want to read this piece write here: "Marriage Is Not a Cure for a Sex Addiction".

Here are the 20 warning flags:

Warning Sign #1: He doesn't treat his mother well.

Warning Sign #2: He doesn't have a steady job.

Warning Sign #3: He is possessive.

Warning Sign #4: He criticizes you.

Warning Sign #5: He has ever hit, slapped, or punched you.

Warning Sign #6: He is in serious debt and not trying to work out of it.

Warning Sign #7: He doesn't share the same religious beliefs as you.

Warning Sign #8: He has lied to you.

Warning Sign #9: You're not physically attracted to him.

Warning Sign #10: Your family/friends don't like him.

Warning Sign #11: He is going way too fast in the relationship.

Warning Sign #12: He flirts with other women.

Warning Sign #13: He uses drugs / is an alcoholic.

Warning Sign #14: For single mothers - your kids don't like him.

Warning Sign #15: He has a problem with pornography.

Warning Sign #16: He is constantly negative and bitter about life in general.

Warning Sign #17: He has children from past relationships but doesn't have much contact with them.

Warning Sign #18: He has any kind of criminal history that involves domestic violence or abuse.

Warning Sign #19: He doesn't meet all of the qualities you've dreamed for in a husband.

Warning Sign #20: You are having some doubts.

I know, right? It just keeps going...and going...and going. Glad God loves us enough to give us this much!

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Does God Promise You a Spouse?"

2011-12-11T19:31:00.001-06:00

All of it is good...

This part (to me), especially so:

"When we demand that God bring us a mate, we block His love from enhancing our social life. The anger that we harbor builds a wall between us and Him. If we are honest with ourselves, we realize that our demand for marriage is a refusal of God’s love because we want our selfish desires met. God will never stop loving us, but we ignore Him when we desperately seek a human being to make us happy. Furthermore, whatever we depend upon for our happiness will wind up controlling us. If we believe that we need a human spouse to be satisfied, then people, rather than God, will dictate our lives.

God is in control of everything, but He does not intervene just to make our lives easy. He had no intention of making a woman magically appear and fall in love with me. Instead, God wanted to use His power to mature me into someone who would initiate sacrificial love towards other people. I wanted to get love, while God was teaching me to give love."

You can read it all here.

There's also a good series on the same site for brides entitled, "Reflections for a Bride". It's an eight-part series and it starts here.

Good stuff. GOOD. STUFF.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK.

2011-12-11T14:44:00.004-06:00

THERE IS SAFETY IN *WISE* COUNSEL (Proverbs 24:6).

On the subject of learning from one's mistakes, I will listening to a part of an online radio show a little while ago. I found this part to be really pivotal. And cool:

"How many people do you allow you help you see? You only have two eyes. Two eyes often aren't enough when we've made a mistake. Because either we want to deny it, want to minimize it, wanna say, 'You know it's not really that big a deal.' OR WE EVEN JUST WANT TO SAY IT'S NOT A MISTAKE. Or, you're gonna spend your time in that really destructive backwards glance where you get a stiff neck 'cause you're spending so much time being consumed by the mistake you made. So the advantage of having someone else's eyes in the mix with you...you need someone to think about it with you....WHAT MIGHT THE LESSON BE?...So that you can look at your mistake in a more broader, more wholesome context."

If you want to check out the program, in its entirety, go here.

And with that said, if you're ready to stop *going back to your mistakes* (more and more, I am fascinated by people who *go back* to things), here are some cool excerpts from an article entitled, "How to Learn from Your Mistakes":

The four kinds of mistakes
One way to categorize mistakes is into these categories:

Stupid: Absurdly dumb things that just happen. Stubbing your toe, dropping your pizza on your neighbor’s fat cat or poking yourself in the eye with a banana.

Simple: Mistakes that are avoidable but your sequence of decisions made inevitable. Having the power go out in the middle of your party because you forgot to pay the rent, or running out of beer at said party because you didn’t anticipate the number of guests.

Involved: Mistakes that are understood but require effort to prevent. Regularly arriving late to work/friends, eating fast food for lunch every day, or going bankrupt at your start-up company because of your complete ignorance of basic accounting.

Complex: Mistakes that have complicated causes and no obvious way to avoid next time. Examples include making tough decisions that have bad results, relationships that fail, or other unpleasant or unsatisfying outcomes to important things.

The learning from mistakes checklist:

Accepting responsibility makes learning possible.
Don’t equate making mistakes with being a mistake.
You can’t change mistakes, but you can choose how to respond to them.
Growth starts when you can see room for improvement.
Work to understand why it happened and what the factors were.
What information could have avoided the mistake?
What small mistakes, in sequence, contributed to the bigger mistake?
Are there alternatives you should have considered but did not?
What kinds of changes are required to avoid making this mistake again?What kinds of change are difficult for you?
How do you think your behavior should/would change in you were in a similar situation again?
Work to understand the mistake until you can make fun of it (or not want to kill others that make fun).
Don’t over-compensate: the next situation won’t be the same as the last.

It's an "ouch!" word, but a Word nonetheless:

"You're not getting by with anything. Every refusal and avoidance of God adds fuel to the fire. The day is coming when it's going to blaze hot and high, God's fiery and righteous judgment. Make no mistake: In the end you get what's coming to you—Real Life for those who work on God's side, but to those who insist on getting their own way and take the path of least resistance, Fire!"---Romans 2:5-8(Message)

I'll be *the first* to attest to the fact that Adonai doesn't let us "skip a grade". We will remain, on some level, in the same space until we *really learn*. Look for the lessons of your past, apply those tools to your present, in preparation for blessed promotions in the future. IN.THAT.ORDER. (Psalm 37:23)

tmm,

SRW

"On Fire": Shapeshifters Tend to Date Chameleons (and Vice Versa)

2011-12-11T11:42:00.002-06:00

"We must break the cycle before it breaks us."---Angela Bininger

Redundant: characterized by verbosity or unnecessary repetition in expressing ideas; prolix

Unnecessary repetition. UNNECESSARY. REPETITION.

Repetition: the act of repeating; repeated action, performance, production, or presentation

I've been giving this a lot of thought since revisiting a video from "The Onion" that I checked out during my FB days. It's witty. And familial. And...when I think about a lot of my past and a lot of people that I know in re: to their present, *quite unfortunate*. And revelatory:

If you're not familiar with the term (or don't have time to watch the tape) a shapeshifter is "The same person who takes different physical form." ALL OF THEM HATE COMMITMENT AND WOULD ALL SOONER SHIFT SHAPE AGAIN THAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS.

You know what's been a trip? For about the past 6-9 months or so, I've been hearing various *married sources*, both male (husbands) and female (wives), say that if you're in your 30s, especially if you're over 35, and dating someone for over a year and a *clear decision, through their actions (not words), towards marriage is not being made*, then it's probably not going to be; that *grown folks* don't have a reason to drag their feet on such an issue. Especially if there is a desire to start a family. That was just further confirmed when I read an article on issue re: dating myths with its #2 one being this:

2.The longer you date, the better you will get to know him/her. There comes a point where the economics idea of 'law of diminishing returns' kicks in. It always pains me when I hear that a couple has been dating for two, three or more years. I recall the time that a couple told me they had been dating for a very lengthy time. I asked them, 'What more information do the two of you need to have before you can make a decision?' They broke up soon after. (He ended up finding someone and is happily married; not sure what happened to her.)

Assuming you are not in a long-distance relationship, you can gather enough information about another in 3 - 6 months to know if you can make a happy life with this person or not. It does not mean you have to get married right away, but if you date properly - actively and not passively - you can get to know a person quite well pretty quickly. What I mean by actively dating is that your dates are not about fun or hanging in Starbucks but doing those things where you can see the person in real life situations so you can properly assess their personality and see what makes them tick.

The belief that living together to get a proper sense of another is falls into this myth. Your goal is not to examine every idiosyncrasy of another. Actually it will just give you plenty of reason not to marry another. As Rebbetzin Heller of Jerusalem remarks, given that every human being has faults and it is endemic to the human condition, deciding whom you are going to marry is just as much about deciding which faults you are willing to live with for the rest of your life.

So don't think you need years upon years to be a 1000% certain that this is the right one. Rather do those things necessary to allow you to see the true nature and personality of another person."

If you watch the video, one of the things that a shapeshifter has in common with other ones, no matter the type, is that they will do what they can to avoid making a long-term commitment. And do you know what amazes me? That *so many women* will remain with these kinds of people, anyway. Over and over again. And then when they look back on the *very precious time* that they spent on an investment that didn't bring about the kind of return they would've liked to have, they want to imply victimization from the guy, when it's often *self-inflicted emotional damage* that's been done. Because they didn't do the work that it takes to change the "I'm dating a shapeshifter" pattern.

And how does that start? STOP BEING A CHAMELEON:

Chameleon: a changeable, fickle, or inconstant person

It was Roy Disney who once said that, "It's not hard to make a decision when you know what your values are." Since "On Fire" has been...well...*on fire*, there are a lot of women who have written me saying that they are praying re: if the guy that peaks their interest is "the one". And yet, just in that quote alone, a lot of seeking can be eliminated, right?

If you value abstinence and the guy wants to have a sexual relationship, then, at the very least, the prayer should be, "Give me the power to leave him *completely alone* as I pray for his strength to live a life of sexual purity through his own personal convictions." Let the Woman talking to the serpent at the tree (Genesis 3) be a big enough indicator that you don't minister to demonic spirits. You speak Scripture, take your way of escape (I Corinthians 10:13) and *flee youthful lusts* (2 Timothy 2:22). That's not just the *act*, but the *spirit* as well.

If you value your time and the guy is not speaking in "we" terms re: *his* future, if he doesn't desire to be married any time soon, if you get a lot of words but no active follow-through (the Word, which is God [John 1:1], says that we are to love in *deed* and in *truth* [I John 3:18]), if you're not treated like a *top priority*, if you find yourself doing most of the work to make the relationship last (calling, traveling, giving, etc.), then, at the very least, the prayer should be, "Lord, please help me to stop acting like *I'm already this man's wife*. Until he is my husband, he deserves the same amount of time and investment as a friend would. And even then, if it's a *healthy friendship*. Help me to always remember that."

If you value your salvation and the guy you're dating does not make his personal walk with the *entire Godhead* (I John 4:1) his utmost area of personal accountability, then, at the very least, the prayer should be, "God, please help me to stop romanticizing something that your Word has made clear is not your will for my life. You said not to be yoked to darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14-18). To ignore that would be to be partaking in a form of idolatry (Exodus 20:3). That does not please you." I think I've mentioned before that while I am more than aware that *a lot of the married couples* in the Bible were *initially* of different faiths (Moses and Zipporah, Boaz and Ruth, etc.), only one time do I recall it being the *woman* who was the believer and the *man* was the unbeliever and that was in the case with Queen Esther and King Xerses. The first point: she had a mission to save her people. Marrying him was a lot about that and two, no where is it recorded that she birthed a child. That said, I can't help but to wonder if some of that was because she was a Jew and mixing that heritage with a pagan was not something that God wanted to transpire. That's *Esther's* testimony and she was blessed in her obedience. However, sometimes---shoot, most times---*we* need to be *ever so cautious and careful* that we don't always the Liar (John 8:44) to deceive us into thinking that our "obedience" is actually an unnecessary *sacrifice* (I Samuel 15:22). Contradicting the Word to make a relationship work...*doesn't work*.

So, what does this have to do with a chameleon? Glad you asked.

Something that I have realized in my own life, when it comes to the *majority of men* from my past, is that one thing that had in common is that they were not ready for a commitment. Now, that doesn't mean that all of them did not commit on some level. *That means they all were severely lacking in some area to make a commitment last*. Where *my chameleon* tendency showed up was that I often put *my values* to the side to make the (so-called) relationship work. Or at the very least, *last longer*. What was of "relative worth, merit, or importance" (a definition of "value") to me, started going lower and lower on my priority list and yes, in doing that, I was being "changeable, fickle and inconstant". IN YOUR SINGLE STATE, *NO ONE* SHOULD BE SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU WOULD EVEN *CONSIDER* COMPROMISING YOUR VALUES. Now, I didn't say your ideas or opinions. I said your *values*. The moment that begins to happen, you start becoming what the person *wants*, often at the expense of losing site and focus on what you *need*.

This is how a woman can look up a year into the relationship with no real clarity on its direction.

This is how a woman can look up three years into a relationship and realize that she did eighty-percent of the work.

This is how a woman can look up five years into a relationship with nothing really to show for it. But another *boyfriend* to add to her relationship resume.

This is how a woman can look up at the end of the relationship with more regret than gratitude.

This is how a woman can look up and realize that she while she may have been (acting like) someone's *wife*, she never had a *husband*.

Christians don't *play house*. They *get married*.

And this all doesn't just happen because she's been dating a man that won't change, but because she's going through all kinds of changes to accommodate that man---and his stagnation. Therefore, a shapeshifter can't really have a relationship with any woman *unless* she's a chameleon. Unless she's inconstant with who she is so that she can cater to the foolishness that he does.

Another calendar year is winding down. I've stated before that the root, biblically, for "11" is "dis" and "disassociate" is definitely a word that comes to mind. Something that I've been embracing, more and more in my own life, is to make the blessings that the Lord desires to bestow upon me *as easy for him* as possible. In other words, I don't want to be praying and then throwing up obstacles...hindrances...chameleon-like tendencies.

My prayer, deeply and sincerely, for the "On Fire" sistahs...is that your sentiments are the same.

Know your values. Don't *shift* from them. It's so unnecessary.

ykl, tmm...

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: WORD AND QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-12-07T19:25:00.001-06:00

After reading this just now, the Word for the Day is COMMITTED:

"You can’t commit to someone that’s not committing – for you to commit to someone, they’ve got to commit to you, otherwise you’re uncommitted."

Committed: to pledge or engage oneself; to give in trust or charge; consign; to consign for preservation; to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express (one's intention, feeling, etc.); to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge; to entrust, especially for safekeeping; commend

Amazing how many women are in relationships all by themselves all because they don't understand the *pure wisdom* behind that quote. Amazing how many women *waste* days of their lives that they won't ever get back by not *requiring* a commitment (especially if you're past 35, a boyfriend for years is *not* a healthy commitment!). Amazing how often most of us overlook the fact that no where in the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), does it tell us that we should commit to a man before committing to the Lord, therefore (wow!) putting us in uncommitments because we're uncommitted :

"Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass."---Psalm 37:4-5(NKJV)

"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."---Proverbs 16:3(NKJV)

"Therefore let those who suffer according to the will of God commit their souls to Him in doing good, as to a faithful Creator."---I Peter 4:19(NKJV)

And...

Amazing how devastated a lot of women end up being all because they entrusted their time, their heart, their plans to a *person* rather than the Lord. FIRST. He is the best gatekeeper, heart-tenderer, boundary-establisher, need-meeter, want-giver...MATE SELECTOR.

The cool thing about doing things in a decent order (I Corinthians 14:40) is that you can *be sure* that if you commit to Elohim, the Godhead is a male entity that will readily, totally and undoubtedly commit to you. With them you can be in a safe, sacred and secure committed relationship and with their help, they will go to the ends of the earth to make sure that your covenant partner *commits* to no less!

Well...I'm off to complete the piece of chameleons.

In the meantime...stay committed.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: TOXIC. REVISITED.

2011-12-05T17:24:00.003-06:00

Well. NOW. (LOL)

Not sure what the Spirit (John 4:24) is up to in the sense of why this is on me so strong today, but...two words that he wants me to expound on are "TOXIC" and "CHAMELEON". I will try and pen the latter later tonight. We'll go with toxic for now.

According to Dictionary.com, when you're in something toxic it's defined as being "poisonous", "harmful", "deadly" or (and I love this right here!) "pertaining to or noting debt that will probably not be repaid". I know, right? Investing in things where you will not get a return? That is considered *toxic*.

So, let's start with a good read that I checked out earlier today, "How To Avoid Being A Toxic Person: 13 Simple Tips". It's a really good list. The only thing that I would add is *pay attention to the people around you who don't follow the things on this list*. You don't hang around individuals with the flu when you don't want to catch it, right? *Exactly*. Anyway, the quickie version is below. You can go to the link, though, for the explanations that the author provides for each one. *Definitely* something to think about. A few times.

1) Say Thank You
2) Say Only What You Mean

3) Clearly State What You Want

4) Say Something Nice To An Unknown Person

5) Don’t Gossip

6) No Regrets (in the context he's speaking of, I'll cosign it)

7) Pay Attention To People Around You

8) Help Somebody Around

9) Give Your Time To What’s Important

10) Let Go Of The Unneeded

11) Avoid Procrastination

12) Don’t Talk Bad About Yourself

13) Don’t Enter A Fight

Next up: "6 Types of Toxic Friends and How You Can Deal with Them". I'll tell you what: SET THE CAPTIVES FREE (LOL)! Real talk? A lot of times if you have these kinds of people in your personal life, it's because you share their characteristics. You'd be amazed how much my social circle changed when I stopped, for instance, being overly-critical. I mean, he who has friends must first show himself friendly (Proverbs 18:24), right? He who has *healthy friends* must strive to become (and remain) healthy too. On this one, I'll provide the "type" along with the first paragraph. Go to the link if you want to learn/read more:

1. The Promise Breaker

This friend constantly disappoints you or breaks promises, most likely because she herself was constantly disappointed during her formative years. Your friend is unable to stop herself from repeating that pattern. It is an annoying but comfortable pattern for your friend, and without psychological help, it may be hard for her or him to alter this pattern. You could abandon the friend and the friendship, or you could find a way to detach yourself by lowering your expectations for this friendship. If she promises to do something for you, even to meet you for a cup of coffee, you can say, "Sure," but protect yourself by knowing, in the back of your mind, that this friend "nine times out of 10" is going to cancel on you.

2. The Double-crosser

This negative friend betrays you big-time. It could happen when someone does something to hurt you, such as spreading a malicious rumor about you. Or it could be an emotional double-cross; for example, when a close or best friend stops speaking to you and you never find out why...

3. The Self-absorbed

Certainly the Self-absorbed is a tamer type of negative friend than the Risk-taker. Still, especially over the long haul, a friend who does not make the time to listen to you will eat away at your self-esteem. For you to feel good about yourself, and for your friendship to thrive, you have to be more than a sounding board. The Self-absorbed does not care; she listens to you only because she is waiting to speak.

4. The Discloser

When you say to this friend, "This is just between us," she nods her head but unfortunately that promise will last only as long as it takes her to get to her phone or e-mail. Although there should be an assumption of confidentiality and trust between friends, this friend can't help herself. Telling this person a secret makes her feel vulnerable and uncomfortable. Like the game "hot potato," she has to pass the hot secret along to someone else in order to relieve the anxiety knowing the secret made her feel. There are also some Disclosers who simply have a big mouth. If someone you know has this personality trait, avoid telling her your innermost secret -- unless you don't mind if it's shared with the world.

5. The Competitor

A little bit of competition is healthy and to be expected. An appropriate amount of competition will motivate and stimulate. But too much competition between friends starts to destroy the friendship. One of the primary ingredients in a positive friendship is that one or both friends feel that they can be "themselves" and that they don't have to put on airs or impress one another. Competition implies a race in which one wins and the other loses; those conditions are quite the opposite of what someone typically expects in a positive friendship, especially a close or best one.

6. The Fault-finder

Nothing you do, say, or wear is good enough for this overly critical friend. The Fault-finder was probably raised by extremely judgmental parents who were also rearing equally hypercritical siblings. Being criticized during her formative years laid the groundwork for an overly critical adult. It's a hard trait to reverse, and your friend may even be unaware that she is so critical or that it annoys and upsets you so much. Before labeling this type of friendship as hopelessly destructive, you might want to see if your friend could recognize this excessively derogatory behavior and, with time and help, change that orientation. Otherwise, you may decide that you just have to accept this trait in your friend and realize that it reflects on her, not on you or your friendship.

And I'm sure you know what's next on deck: "Signs That Your Relationship Is Toxic". That article has 36 of 'em. These three really stood out to me: "Your thoughts, opinions, accomplishments, wants and needs are devalued", "You have changed things about your-Self to suit your partner, even when it's not your taste" and "You think it's up to you to make the relationship work". Oh, and an honorable mention: "You keep secrets about your relationship from others who love you because they wouldn't understand". Uh-huh. *Shady things* are kept in the dark. However, it is this article below that I *really dig* because it was written by a man for women when it comes to knowing if their relationship is poisonous and harmful:

1) Every conversation turns into an argument.
2) One or both of you have serious trust issues.
3) The relationship feels like a routine.
4) The relationship brings you more stress than joy.
5) You frequently contemplate walking away.

And do you know what? So often people remain toxic, in harmful friendships or in poorly-invested relationships while saying that they are waiting to hear from the Lord on if they should make some changes. Yeah. Well. Here's the thing about that: if you research signs of how God communicates with us, one that *many* will list (such as this one) is the fact that he will use other people. And you know tickles me about *that very fact*? While typing this, in my inbox, I get the an article entitled, "The Right Decision Doesn’t Always Feel Good". In Twitter world, that's what: #CONFIRMATION.

The thing about poison is that based on the potency and the dosage, sometimes you can immediately spot it and sometimes...it just wears on you. Choose wisely. Toxic, internally or externally, is never a part of God's plan for you and your life. *Not ever*.

tmm,

SRW

"On Fire": THOUGHT OF THE DAY

2011-12-04T14:35:00.001-06:00

Amazing how deception sets in...for *so many*...so easily...

All day, I've been hearing, "Fairytale. Now go and look it up" in my spirit. And so, I did:

Fairytale: a story about fairies; told to amuse children; an interesting but highly implausible story; often told as an excuse

Synonyms: absurd, bizarre, curious, dreamlike, fictional, flaky, imaginative, kinky, mythical, off beat, pipe dream, poetic, preposterous, shadowy, unreal, visionary, whimsical, wild

Proverbs 18:21 tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue. How many times have you heard a woman say, "I want the fairytale." They want childlike amusement? They want to live an interestingly unrealistic kind of life? *Really?!?* Oh, and I went and looked up the definition of "implausible" too:

Implausible: not plausible; not having the appearance of truth or credibility

So, they want to live out the kind of relationship that has no appearance of truth or credibility? Yeah. Whomever said that "Marriage is not a fairytale", they were speaking more biblical truth (John 8:32) than they probably thought. Bottom line...

1) Be sure in your prayers, you seek godly *understanding* re: just what you are praying for (Proverbs 4:7).

2) Be willing to accept the fact that what you say you want is not always what you really mean and so therefore...

3) Trust that when the Holy Spirit edits your prayer requests, that is an act of *mercy* rather than *rejection* (Romans 8:26-27).

Personally, I've never really been big on fairytales. *Now*, more than ever, I see why.

Yep. Marriage ain't a fairytale.What it *is*, though, is a union that is ordained by Adonai.

That's the truth and God grants us things based in truth.

Not fairy dust...and castles...and Prince Charmings (charm is deceitful, remember?-Proverbs 31:30).

Pray wisely.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Looking for Love: Marrying a Non-Christian"

2011-12-02T18:37:00.002-06:00

Earlier today...

I sent an email to a spiritual sistah of mine re: her relationship with a non-believer. Here is an excerpt:

"I will say this: when it's of God, warnings don't come. PRAISES DO. You've been getting *a lot of warnings*. Externally and internally"...

Also, real talk, I've been consistent in saying that most of the people in the Bible were the classic definition of 'unequally yoked' (Boaz and Ruth, Moses and Zipporah, Esau and Ishmael's daughter). But you know what? Now that I think about it, only one time do I recall that it was *the man* who was not a believer (Queen Esther's case in marrying King Xerses and she was called to deliver an entire nation AND didn't have children...a part of me wonders if that was due to the bloodline of a woman marrying a non-Jewish man. HMPH.)."...

I'm not sure if God IS speaking. I think he HAS spoken on the matter, though. He's loving. He's patient. He's longsuffering. Just because he's not *pushing you*, that doesn't mean that he doesn't want you to move."

This urgency came upon me after reading an article from a woman who married a non-believer. Man, talk about a *very thorough red flag checklist* to consider. BEFOREHAND. This quote (featured in the piece) is a keeper: "Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener." WHEW:

"As they say, 'love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener'. I now realize we actually discussed very little before we married. We were more interested in the physical side of things, although I made sure that we didn’t go 'all the way'.

Here are some issues I now know I should have considered or that I would have had to consider if I were to marry in this present era.

    * A born again believer cannot share the most important part of her life – the spiritual part – that part of her that has been united with Christ – with her husband.

    * If Christ is not the center of your husband’s life, then who or what is? (In Bob’s case it was himself)

    * If your husband’s moral values aren’t based on the Bible, then what ARE they based on? What does HE believe about controversial issues such as abortion, divorce, drugs, euthanasia?

    * Even closer to home, what does HE believe about how children should be disciplined? (Bob said 'You smack them – then they can hate you.')

    * And speaking of the children, will your husband agree with your sending them to Sunday School, taking them to church, taking part in whatever rites your church practices; or will he say that children should not be brain-washed with religion, but should be allowed to wait until they are adult, and can then make up their own minds?

    * If your husband is not familiar with the idea of having a 'Quiet Time' – a time you spend in reading your Bible and talking to God – is he willing to give you the time and privacy you want for this?

    * If you going through a time when you’re not on speaking terms with God, how will you explain to your husband why you are down in the dumps, and don’t feel like talking? Because if you try to tell him, he won’t be able to understand, because in 1 Corinthians 2:14 the Bible tells us:

The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned. (Bob’s reaction? 'What the #@*!* are you crying about now?')

    * And speaking about this verse; how will he react if you tell him 'I believe God wants me to join a church in a different suburb.' (Bob said, 'You only want to go to that suburb for its snob value.')

    * Come to think of it, how are you going to explain any of God’s guidance?

    * How will your husband react if, as you mature in Christ, the Lord convicts you to stop certain practices that you currently have no qualms about?

    * Will there be any disagreement about the way you celebrate Christmas and Easter? Not every Christian makes a fuss over Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. (Of course my grandkids preferred their grandfather, because HE knew that Christmas and Easter were meant to be exciting times, with visits to Santa Claus, and gifts from Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny.)

    * Will you agree on, or argue about, things like Christmas cards (The Babe in the Manger or Santa Claus), playing Bingo, buying Lotto tickets, watching R-rated shows on the TV, etc.? (Bob used to put lottery tickets inside Christmas cards that said things like 'May The Prince of Peace Be With You At This Holy Time'!)

    * What if he wants to go to – or even take you to – erotic floor-shows, etc? Since you are Christ’s, He indwells you. So Christ goes wherever you go.

    * What if he buys you sex manuals that suggest that things like 'threesomes' are fun?

    * If you decline to watch television shows you find offensive, will your husband understand, or will he feel that in rejecting that show, you are rejecting him?

    * Has your husband had any involvement with the occult? Does he believe that astrology, fortune telling, ouija boards etc, are just innocent fun? Is he a member of a secret society?

    * What if his family’s life style is different from yours? (Bob’s people were lovely, but they always invited visitors to go to the local club and play Bingo, and the pokies. I don’t drink and I don’t gamble.)

    * If you believe in giving 10% (often called a 'tithe'), of your earnings to the church, how will your husband feel about it?

    * What will happen when your husband’s planned activities for Sunday are on at the same time as your church’s services? Who gets to use the car?

    * What do YOU see as being the respective roles of husband and wife? Does your husband agree with you? (Bob was VERY aware that God expected me to obey him, since I had promised to.)

    * When a major decision has to be made, who will have the final say, and on what principles will that decision be made? (Naturally I yielded to Bob. His criteria – whatever suited him best.)

    * One example of this could well be your children’s schooling. If you want to send your children to a Christian school, will your spouse: a) Agree to this? b) Be willing to share the financial burden involved?

    * How will your husband’s indifference to the Lord affect your own spiritual growth? (How greatly – and how adversely – this affected me will show up more in Marriage in a Minor Key. The over-riding phrase as far as I was concerned was 'bitterness towards God'.)

    * Are you quietly saying to yourself: 'I really love this person, and I know that he is a good-hearted person. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he comes to know the Lord'? Many people have been mistaken about this.

    * Does he say that, although he doesn’t believe in God, he’s happy for you to be as religious as you want to? Do you know what God’s word says about people who don’t believe in Him? Psalm 53 says:

The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’ They are corrupt, and their ways are vile; there is no one who does good. Do you REALLY want to marry a fool?

* With so many homes these days not only having personal computers, but also having access to the Internet, will your husband agree with you as to what kind of information to download to your hard-drive? I’m not thinking only of obvious things like pornography. I am also thinking of material that is, by its very nature, anti-Christian., e.g. anything to do with the occult."

You can read the rest of this *great article* here.

The Lord got me clear a long time ago about the difference in praying and *preying* and sometimes, whether we realize (or is it accept?) it or not, when we want something that *clearly speaks against God's Word, will and way*, we will attempt to even (gasp!) *prey upon God* until we feel like he will give us what we want. Yeah. And here's the scary thing about *that*: "And He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their soul." (Psalm 106:15-NKJV)

When a relationship is unhealthy (i.e., in this case, *spiritually incompatible*), there is no "weaning off". Clean breaks are best. The waiting game is a dangerous game because more time only makes you more attached, which leads you to becoming less willing to do what's best for your soul and more desirous to do what your flesh (some people would say "heart") longs for. And flesh? It can't be trusted. *Ever* (Jeremiah 17:9)

Hey, but if you need more than mine, this woman and the Bible's take on the matter, feel free to get some more *Christian counsel* on the matter. There's safety there. And also according to the Bible, people *fall* without it (Proverbs 11:14) and that's usually because they are *too prideful* (Proverbs 16:18) to get outside of their own voice.

This is a good time of the year to clean (and clear) some things up.

I'll keep prayin'.

SRW

"On Fire": A Man God Has Changed (NOT One I Have to Fix)...

2011-11-29T14:31:00.003-06:00

"And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also."---John 14:3(NKJV)

God and I are in a funny space right through here.

Right before I got rebaptized (actually I consider it to be more of a Jewish tradition that I was led to that caused me to do it), I sent an email out to certain people requesting prayer because what I heard, from the Spirit (John 4:24), was that I was about to enter into a "Master's class". OK...long story short, God doesn't lie (Titus 1:2), but it *certainly* wasn't the kind of promotion that *I* was expecting! In a matter of days, everything changed---and I do mean *everything*! And yes, it has changed everything---and I do mean EVERYTHING about me!

Anyway, I'm actually on a writing deadline and so I won't bore you with all of the sordid details. I'll just say that as it *directly affects* the purpose of *this* blog, I'll let you know where my studies have gotten me to in my prayer life:

"God, I want a man that YOU have CHANGED, not one that I have to FIX."

And do you know how God responded? Almost immediately within my spirit?

"FINALLY! Now, we're actually gonna get somewhere!"

And that's why this message starts off with the familiar verse that it does. Sadly society, and on some levels even the Church, have gotten many of us to a place where we seem to forget (or is it ignore? Or is it deny?) that MARRIAGE WAS CREATED IN PARADISE. The Garden of Eden. *Heaven* on earth. Pre-sin (Genesis 2). And so, really...being that Christ left to *prepare* heaven for us, what would make us think that God doesn't *prepare* marriage as well? That he doesn't "go" and put our spouses in "proper condition or readiness"? That there isn't a season where he's doing what is needed "to make [our spouse] ready or suitable in advance for a particular purpose or for some use, event, etc."? And that with us, he's doing the *exact same thing* for them?

Yeah. Did you catch that underlined part? That he does many of these things *in advance*. That means *before* the purpose: PRE-MARRIAGE.

As I prayed more about this, the Spirit provided me the visual of caution signs. How they are there to *warn* of us impending danger. Now what's the potential of what could happen if we speed down an open road with deer signs? How often do we "chance it" by running through a yellow or (gasp!) red light? When there is construction on a street or bridge and the sign tells us "Stop Ahead" or "Rough Road" or "Do Not Enter" or "Wrong Way" or "Caution: Stay Clear" or "Slow: Proceed With Caution" or "Caution: Look Out For Construction Traffic" (you'd be *amazed* how many people unnecessarily involve themselves in "construction traffic"-LOL) or (whew!) "DEAD END", how brilliant is it to ride through there as if *the road is ready for us* anyway?

And yet so many women (people actually, but I'm talking mostly to women on here) date *just like that*. Either they're on the wrong road that's gonna lead them to a dead end (the Word will let you know if that's the case) or a road that is under spiritual construction and rather than letting God do what needs to be done, they are *all in the way*: trying to court a man before he's ready; trying to prepare a man in ways that isn't her job/title/position/right to do. Because indeed, a mission field is not usually the optimal breeding ground conducive to a healthy and progressive courtship. Meaning, if you're trying to be a witness to make someone a Christian, then don't expect the journey (or results) to be the same as if you were trying to become that same person's wife. The needs/expectations/outcomes are usually *vastly* (VASTLY) different. Remember, we bring favor (Proverbs 18:22) to purpose but we don't manifest that purpose. Adonai does. Our love/influence can *assist* God, but *no one* changes a man, but God AND a man has to change by *choice*.

I mean, do you see God forcing (or manipulating) anyone into heaven? My point exactly.

I can only imagine what it would be like to get to the pearly gates and find that the hinges were broken or step into my mansion and the walls were caving in. A heaven fixer-upper? No thanks. I'll wait.

"Yeah. Now exchange the word 'heaven' with 'marriage'", I heard God say. "You're on earth so it won't be perfect, but if you let me *change* your husband into the man I have in mind for you ahead of time, you won't have a lot of *fixing* to do with him afterwards, either."

Shoot, *these days* (LOL), God ain't gotta tell me twice!

Again, I'll wait. For the construction to be done.

So that I can enjoy the journey of my marriage (much) better that way.

Yeah. That was a good word, God! I'll proceed *with extreme caution*.

THANK YOU!

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-28T18:21:00.002-06:00

All of this. Um...YEAH. Some of y'all have been prayin'. Here is your answer:

"Think about it. If you’re not living the relationship you want or the person isn’t behaving in ways that are conducive to a healthy, mutual relationship, why do you want them?

This is how you get distracted from your values, your purpose, and basically yourself.

It’s important to stop focusing on not being good enough and look specifically at what you’re concerned you’re not good enough about because by putting yourself at conflict with you, you’re undermining everything you’re supposed to represent, desire, and need because you’re not listening and acting in line with your values so that you can do start to do what will actually make you happy, feel good, etc...

When you worry about something that’s in direct conflict with what you profess to want or be, it’s a sign that you’ve stopped listening to yourself and are not being authentic. It’s also a sign of avoidance – how can you be so concerned with something that you don’t want when the issue of what you do want hasn’t been addressed?

Often what we don’t want is tied to something or someone beyond our control. Often what we do want is within our control because ultimately achieving what we want has us in it. When we fear putting what we want on us, it’s easier to focus on everything and everyone else."

Yeah. SOOOOOOOOO DIGGIN' THAT. You can read it in detail here.

If you would like to explore this matter further, this is a book you may want to check out:

It really is true that we often attract to us the kind of people that we are. And, some people remain in a hamster wheel because they are not moving...forward. Anyway, you can get this book here.

An Ounce of Prevention: "A Few Christian Dating Principles to Live By"

2011-11-27T22:56:00.002-06:00

Good stuff:

1) Must Be a Christian.

2) Must Be Single.

3) MUST DESIRE MARRIAGE.

4) Guard Your Heart (love it when she said, "Date with your head. Marry with your heart.").

5) Be True to Yourself.

6) Dress Modestly.

Oh and how so many people stumble through life, bitterly so, because they don't get #3 down:

Must Desire Marriage - Dating can be stressful enough without the added hassle of falling for someone who you later learn has no desire of getting married. This is not to state that he is the one you will ultimately marry, but understand that just because you are looking to marry does not automatically mean the guy you’re dating is looking for the same thing.

While it may be uncomfortable to ask or you think doing so will scare him off, you need to know his reason for dating. If he’s only looking to hang out or date casually and you’re not, you are likely headed for emotional heartache ahead.

You can read it in detail here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Ten Reasons NOT to Get Married"

2011-11-27T18:03:00.003-06:00

#2 and #3 are...ones that really need to be prayed about rather than *preyed upon*. Feel me?

2. Your biological clock is ticking:

Tick, tock, tick, tock. Have you ever been sleeping by a clock and listening to it ticking, thinking, "That's me! Time is running out - my biological clock is ticking"?

That is a very real feeling, especially for women. You may want to get married and have a family, and it feels as though time is short. Just remember, God knows the desires of your heart. He knows if you want children, and He can make a way for you, even when it seems as if there is no way.

Marrying the wrong person just because you feel as though there's no more time left can still lead to a miserable future. I have a friend who waited a long time to get married, and she desperately wanted a family. She got married in her late thirties, and do you know what God did for her? He gave her twins! That's the blessings of God; He gave her double (Isa. 61:7).

You too can have double for your trouble. God always makes it worth your wait! Just because your answer is delayed doesn't mean it's been denied. Just because you have waited a long time doesn't mean you are not going to get it.

There are times when people experience a "divine delay." In other words, there are still some things the Lord may want you to receive where you are right now, before you move on to another season.

In my own life, there are many things I have done for the Lord that I really don't believe I could have done in the same way had I been married with children. We have to learn to trust our heavenly Father and His love for us. He knows what we need and when we need it. Father knows best! God loves you, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

3. You're lonely:

You don't want to marry someone just to keep from being alone. There are a lot worse things than being single, and plenty of married people are desperately lonely. Marrying the wrong person won't solve the problem of loneliness; only God can do that.

Being alone does not mean you have to be lonely. Don't be so desperate that you just marry anybody to keep from being alone.

It's a pretty thorough list. You can check out the rest of it here.

Remember, we are to be a *blessing* not a *burden*.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "40 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship"

2011-11-27T17:10:00.002-06:00

Some of these, I believe are "marriage sensitive" but #40, I think is stellar across the board:

"You CAN live without each other, but you choose each other over every alternative choice."

You can read the entire list here.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Are You Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Man?"

2011-11-27T17:02:00.002-06:00

1) He gives you just enough attention, but not enough to satisfy.
2) He compares you to other women in a good or bad way.
3) He doesn't call you back or respond within 24 hours.
4) He makes you feel like you're overreacting.
5) He likes to keep the waters murky.
6) He likes the game of "push...pull".

Yeah. Crystal is cute to me and the few videos that I've checked out...yeah. Check 'em out (LOL).

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "5 Signs He's Not Going to Marry You"

2011-11-27T16:49:00.003-06:00

And what does the Word say? That truth will make you free (John 8:32), right?

I was just talking to a loved one earlier this week about the *dire importance* of (if you desire to get married) getting into relationships with people who are *ready for marriage*. To which the person replied, "Right. Committed." No. Not quite (LOL). I've been in *committed* relationships. The person wasn't *ready* for marriage, though. That said (and Crystal really did tickle me when she said, "If he's buying things, he's probably just buying time")...

Oh, and that "three year thing" that she mentioned? It's almost like a science. *No joke!*

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY and BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Love You Deserve" (Dr. Scott Peck, Shannon Peck)

2011-11-27T16:32:00.003-06:00

"It is not egotistical to love yourself. Be very clear about that. It is Love's intention that all of us are deeply loved."---Dr. Scott Peck and Shannon Peck

"There are many excuses for not forgiving:

They don't deserve to be forgiven
They might do it again if I forgive
They may think I agree with them if I forgive
I don't want to give up my anger
Holding on to the hurt is my defense from being hurt again

This is not living the life you deserve. Holding onto anger is a decision to suffer. Let the transforming light of Love flow into your heart and release the pain that has attached itself to you. Allow Love to bring fresh, healing renewal to your heart.

Even though you may never go back to a relationship, it needs forgiveness---because you deserve forgiveness. Lack of forgiveness interferes with your ability to feel truly loved. When you let go of negative feelings, you let the hole in your heart heal through the power of forgiveness.

It is important to understand that forgiveness does not mean that abusive behavior may continue. Forgiveness means that something changes in the relationship permanently. It means that you have made the decision to move away from the hurt and abuse. It means you have chosen to empower yourself and act on your decision for better love. Ask yourself, 'What would it take for me to let go and forgive? Do I really serve myself or the world by hanging onto bad feelings about myself or others?'"---"Healing Hurt & Abuse", pg.205

No better gift than the gift of forgiveness. *On so many levels* (Matthew 6:14-15). It may take a bit of time. Ask Adonai if you can do a lay-a-way plan. Of sorts (LOL). Anyway, I've been a fan of M.Scott Peck for some time now. You can cop this gem here.

Good stuff. GET. FREE. (John 8:32)

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-22T20:31:00.002-06:00

"It is far better to be alone than to wish you were."---Ann Landers

'Nuf said!

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Kermit the Frog Is a Terrible Boyfriend"

2011-11-22T19:59:00.002-06:00

Yeah.

The title caught my attention. As I (initially) skimmed the piece, this quote roped me in: "He had the attitude women's magazines try to sell to its audience: that significant others are only the frosting on the cake of life. But everybody knows that cake without frosting is just a muffin."

CUTE.

And *then* I read all of it. There are some cuss words in it so the super-conservative, please look past the "word littering" so that you can see the overall landscape. This is a classic piece of narrative. Indeed, it is. Here's just an excerpt to sell my point:

"Remember how content Kermit was, just strumming his banjo on a tree trunk in the swamp? That's the guy I've chased my whole life, killing myself trying to show him how fabulous I am. Remember how, on The Muppet Show, Kermit used to politely laugh at Miss Piggy's pleas for some kissy-kissy, or fend off her jealousy after he flirted right in front of her? With Madeline friggin' Kahn? Kermit never appreciated what he had in Piggy, because she was just one great thing about his awesome life. He had the attitude women's magazines try to sell to its audience: that significant others are only the frosting on the cake of life. But everybody knows that cake without frosting is just a muffin.

Kermit never wanted to devote his life to making Piggy happy — he just wanted to host his show and enjoy hanging out with his friends. Anything more she'd ask of him would elicit a gulp. And just as I strove to emulate Piggy-resplendent in feather boas, lavender mules and rings over opera gloves — I wonder how many guys from my generation looked to Kermit as an example of what the coolest guy in the room looks like. How maybe they think it's fine to defer the advances of the fabulous women they know will always be there, while they dreamily pursue creative endeavors and dabble with other contenders. How maybe they learned the value of bromance from Kermit's constant emphasis on his obligations to his friends before his ball and chain. And how maybe they figured out that if you're soft-spoken and shy, but you know how to play a musical instrument, girls will come in droves. You just keep your creativity flowing and your guy friends close, and you'll have to beat the ladies down with a stick.

If Kermithood is the model of modern masculinity, it doesn't match the matehood expectations of a generation of Miss Piggys who, at least eventually, want more. Since we were little, we were taught that the only point of chasing frogs is the hope that they turn into men when you kiss them."

You can take it all in here.

Whew! And "whew!" again. It might be time to gear up for another Frog Fast (LOL). You can look at the left-hand side of the page for the details on that. *wink*

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: Life on Purpose: "15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission"

2011-11-21T19:55:00.002-06:00

'Cause how can you help someone when you don't know who (or why) you are?

15 Questions:

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)

2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

7. What do people typically ask you for help in?

8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

11. What are your deepest values?

12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?

14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? ( to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)

I love how this article also recommends you penning a personal mission statement. Honestly? This is an exercise that I recommend you doing once a year, if not seasonally.

Alright. That's my seed for the anniversary. ;-)

Happy Thanksgiving!

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: Signs That a Man Is Ready for a Relationship (Paul Washer)

2011-11-21T19:39:00.004-06:00

Important signs of male maturity:

1) A personal, unaided, emotional (spiritual) devotion to God.

2) Devotion to God's purpose in the context of the family. "You're not getting married because the girl is beautiful. You are getting married because you believe that God has called you into that marriage, to lay down your life to bless a daughter of his. To care for her. To raise up a godly heritage to the Lord."

3) Knowledge and application of the Scriptures. "You're gonna have to lead a woman. You're gonna have to teach children. You had better know the Scriptures...right now you make a foolish decision and basically, you're the one who pays.You make a foolish, unbiblical decision with your family, you hurt your wife, you hurt your children and you will be called on the carpet by God...HEADSHIP AND AUTHORITY PUTS YOU IN THE LIMELIGHT OF GOD'S JUDGMENT."

4) Labor. "After talking to a young man who wants to court my daughter...after talking to him about his spirituality, his walk with Christ, then next thing that I'm going to investigate is this: 'Young man do you delight in God honoring labor? If you do not delight in working hard, get out of my house.' A man...if he will work hard, he can surpass anyone else...slothfulness is one of the deadly sins."

5) Are you saving for your future and your children's future?

Paul Washer ends this with saying, "I would be nothing without the wife that God gave me. He gave me the exact person that I needed." And really ladies, it takes a really godly man to discern that as well and when you (they) see the favor that God has for you (them), why would you delay? Why would you need an ultimatum? Why would your rather sow oats or drag your feet? Why do you need to be convinced or coerced?

So often (ladies) energy is spent on trying to get men ready. Our prayer should be that the Lord would bring us to men who *are* ready. To receive. With a humble heart, an open mind and a willing soul. To love us by serving the Father.

You need about an 1 1/2 hours, but it's a worthwhile investment of your time.

Enjoy!

SRW

"On Fire": We Turned TWO Today!!!

2011-11-21T14:44:00.003-06:00

Yep! And here's hoping that the "On Fire" baby won't follow the toddler "terrible twos" stereotype (LOL)! Anyway, to all of the wives who encouraged its conception, the brides who have come to be since its birth and the ministers who continue to be in training, thanks for your prayers and support.

Words of wisdom moving forward? It's funny the verse in Scripture that has been in my head space for a couple of weeks now. I think it's for the ones in training...as they do their selecting:

"Suppose a snake bites before it is charmed. Then there isn't any benefit in being a snake charmer."---Ecclesiastes 10:11(NIRV)

Translation (in this case): "In the midst of *preparing* for your covenant partner, pray that he will be *ready* for you. For marriage. For the responsibility that comes with the blessing of both." *No one* can be *successfully* married alone. Oh, but many try. Be *exceptional*. Prepare to choose wisely.

Here's to BIG love, BIG purpose and BIG progress in 2012!!!

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Just How Married Do You Want to Be?: Practicing Oneness in Marriage" (Jim Sumner, Sarah Sumner)

2011-11-20T22:40:00.001-06:00

Knowledge IS power:

"Entering into oneness takes faith. It also calls for patience. Our friend Tim Lentz made the insightful observation that in marriage, couples have to grow into becoming one flesh. 'It's a process,' said Tim. 'The two shall become one flesh.' Marriage is hard work because it's hard for two people to become one.

Some marriages, no doubt, seem to run more smoothly than others. I (Jim) don't know exactly why that is. It could be a matter of maturity or having less baggage from the past. Maybe some couples just gel better. Or maybe they blindly sin together and there's only an appearance of gelling. Regardless, you can't truly merge into one if your union is more fleshly than spiritual. Oneness runs deeper than that. Oneness has to do with the spiritual dynamics of marriage.

Remembering One's Oneness

A very simple way to build oneness is marriage is for the couple to remember who they are. They are one. They are not individually just themselves. When a couple can remember their identity as 'one flesh,' it changes the way they see themselves. It also changes the way they look at others.

The same principle applies to being a Christian. If you remember your identity in Christ, it changes the way you behave. When I (Jim) remember my identity in Christ, I'm more able to walk in the Spirit and not carry out the desires of my flesh (Galatians 5:16). In the same ways, when I remember my oneness with Sarah, I feel more empowered to be faithful to her and not give in to the deeds of my flesh (Galatians 5:19-21)."---"Practicing Oneness in the Grind of Daily Activity"---pg.77

-----

The Husband's Call to Cleave

"One of the greatest ways to strengthen marital oneness is for the husband to 'cleave' and to 'be joined' to his wife (Ephesians 5:31). When a husband cleaves to his wife, he is sexually faithful to her. He prioritizes her above his work, above his hobbies, above his family of origin and certainly far above other women.

To cleave is to 'be glued to'. When a husband cleaves to his wife, he shares his sense of self with her. He sees her as his own body. He does not fall into the trap of dehumanizing her by seeing her as his trophy or possession. When a husband cleaves to his wife, he sees her as a person with her own unique calling from God."---"Practicing Oneness in the Grind of Daily Living"---pg.87

The title alone had me hooked:

You can get this one here.

Growth is good!

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Left at the Altar: My Story of Hope and Healing for Every Woman Who Has Felt the Heartbreak of Rejection" (Kimberley Kennedy)

2011-11-20T21:10:00.003-06:00

Hook, line and sinker...

"This time we decided on an April wedding, which would be exactly two years after we met. But even pushing back the date did not appease Lew after a while. He was soon finding fault with me and everything else. Small things became gigantic issues. We argued incessantly, something we had never done before. He insisted on a prenuptial agreement, which I agreed to sign, despite my attorney's very strong advice not to sign it. I now wonder if Lew was hoping that by insisting I sign a prenup, it might force me to call off the wedding. At the time, however, I truly felt he was simply anxious, as any groom would be, and that once he said, 'I do', he would be fine. So I persevered, plowed on, and continued to plan our wedding and new life.

I should, however, have known we were really in trouble the day before the rehearsal when we went to get our marriage license, and he would not get out of the car. Not a good sign. Again and again I assured him that it was just nerves, that he knew this was right, and that we were going to be happy. Finally he agreed, we got out of the car, and we soon had the license in hand, but by then, my anxiety level was matching his own.

Right about now, you are probably thinking, How could anybody with half a brain and one iota of self-respect not give him back his engagement ring and call the whole thing off herself? That is an easy one to explain: I was in love. It was as simple as that.

After Lew

The final chapter of my life is all about recovery from the loss of Lew and how God helped me put my life back together. It is by far the best part of the story."---"The Chapters of My Life"---pg.24-25

-----

"That's how I know that when Lew left me at the altar that day, God was every bit as heartbroken as my mother. But he was equipped to help me deal with my pain in ways my earthly mother never could. He was with me when no one else was. He watched me every single moment, his spirit prayed for me, even when I couldn't and he infused me with his strength, even when I would not ask. He sent loving arms to hold me and tender and patient hearts to comfort me. He was close to me when my heart was breaking, and he covered me with his mighty wings so I could find refuge.

A Breath of Hope

This loving Father did something else too. When he created me, he installed the one thing every human being needs to survive: hope. Even when I did not believe it was there, it was. On my darkest days of depression and feelings of hopelessness, there was this tiny, itsy, bitsy speck of hope that still burned in my soul, a flickering flame God kept burning even when I did not think he cared. He let me mourn. He let me grieve the loss of the love of my life. He even let me hate him and yell at him. But one day he gently blew his warm, Fatherly breath on that tiny flame of hope until it flared and grew, and he said, 'Enough is enough. I have let you have your time to cry, be sad, and feel sorry for yourself, but you have mourned this man long enough. You have a life to live, young lady, and what a life I have in store for you!'

I wish I could tell you the exact moment that happened and give you a blueprint for exactly how to get there yourself. I can promise you that God has such a moment planned for your life as well. All he wants is for us, like Leah, to acknowledge his presence in our lives and to trust him. That's why he makes such a big deal about trust in his Word. Over and over he begs us to trust him and promises us the most amazing peace if we will."---"The Hole in My Heart"---pg.116-117

Amazing how many "relational ailments" AND solutions there are. You can get this particular dose of "emotional salve" here.

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-20T20:29:00.001-06:00

Yep.

In reading a bullet point article entitled, "Making Healthy Choices About Your Relationships", I *really dug* this point:

"Steer away from making choices that will keep you from reaching your goals. Ask yourself, 'How could this choice affect my life?' and 'Does this relationship support my priorities?'"

"DOES THIS RELATIONSHIP SUPPORT MY PRIORITIES?" Excellente'!

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Significance"

2011-11-20T17:57:00.003-06:00

“No man is worth your tears, but once you find one that is, he won't make you cry."---Unknown

So...

I got a love package from my mom this past week. Within it, there was a book entitled, "Significance: Sometimes the Only Cure for a Bad Man...Is a Better One". Cute. But what really caught my attention is when I flipped the cover over and saw the smiling picture of *a man* as the author. His name is Vincent Mafu.

I love to read and so I'm gonna try and get through it this week. In the meantime, though, I wanted to share a few of his "feature lists" with *brief excerpts* from each of them. Now, I'm not big on calling men, of any caliber, *dogs* but I am big on Matthew 7:6(NKJV): "Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces." And so, I'll take Mr. Mafu's "free dog usage" as...poetic symbolism (LOL). What I *do* enjoy is his "cut the crap" approach. Knowledge comes to save us in so many forms (Hosea 4:6). Truth comes to set us free in so many ways too (John 8:32)! After reading some of his work, he definitely brings a new approach to "You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men." (I Corinthians 7:23-NKJV)

Check it:

10 Questions to Ask Yourself (re: Lessons About Dogs)

1) Do You Undervalue Yourself? When a woman doesn't value herself, when a woman doesn't believe that she is a woman of worth, she puts out a strong scent to all dishonorable males. Ladies, hear me clearly on this crucial point: being a woman of worth and a woman of value is a CHOICE that only you can make. Once you decide you are worthy of love, respect and honor, you put out a scent that draws honorable men and repels the dogs.

2) Are You Willing to Have Sex Outside of Marriage? Women who are willing to have sex without the protection and benefit of a marriage covenant automatically devalue themselves. Their decision screams OPEN HOUSE to all vagabonds and sexual squatters.

3) Do You Live in a Fantasy World? Some women make themselves easy targets for dogs because they live in a fantasy world. They have been dreaming of being swept off their feet by a "Knight in Shining Armor" while totally rejecting the fact that multitudes of "Knights in Pining Armor" are on the prowl.

4) Are You a Sex Trader? This may sting a little, but surely you have heard about these types of females? They sex men up in return for materialistic favors. Sane people call it prostitution, but these females classify what they do as reasonable restitution.

5) Do You Intentionally Overlook Bad Behavior? Some women see and feel their man's volatile temper, lies, abuse, drug/alcohol/pornography addiction, infidelities, homosexuality and other misogynistic ways. Yet, they bull-headedly proceed forward in the relationship anyway.

6) Are You a Simple-Minded Woman? Proverbs 9:13 says, "A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing." To be simple-minded means to be easily seduced. When it comes to men, the one word to describe this type of woman is "easy"! Men don't have to do or say much to get with them. They sincerely believe all men are honorable. They prove their baseless theory by recklessly putting their faith in untrustworthy men.

7) Do You Have a Spirit of Rebellion? The scent of rebellion is like an enticing aroma to woman haters. They easily sniff out rebellious females. These women won't listen to caring family, friends or relatives. In their minds they have got life and men figured out....at least that's what they adamantly believe.

8) Do You Have the Spirit of a Strange Woman? Proverbs 22:14 says, "The mouth of a strange woman is a deep pit: he that is abhorred of the Lord shall fall therein." A strange woman is a woman who has altogether rejected God.

9) Does All of Your Information About Men Come from Females? When everything a woman has learned about men comes only from females she has put herself at a hazardous disadvantage. Ladies, be crystal clear on this point: no matter how intelligent you are, there are certain things women WILL NEVER comprehend about men..NEVER!

10) Do You Have Any Relationship Training? The women who answer "No" to this vital question are sitting targets for dogs. Dishonorable males bank on women not understanding: a) The current day dynamics of love, sex, relationships and marriage; b) The difference between honorable men and dishonorable males; c) The various snare, traps and tricks used by scheming males; d) When a man has mobilized himself for marriage; e) How God warns you about dangerous males; f) How to tell when a man is wearing masks; g) How to tell when a man is an abuser; h) What true love is. No woman should be dating, let alone getting married, until she has been trained to reign in the area of love, sex, relationships and marriage. Women who roll the dice and wing it, rarely win at love.

The Ten Most Dangerous Mistakes Women Make

MISTAKE #1: Betting Your Love Life on His "Potential": Do you know any women who want the man they're dating to behave differently? Of course you do. And, just like me, I'm sure you have friends who date guys who don't have much going for them or who don't treat them very well. Somehow these women always have an excuse for the guy's shortcomings. What's going on here? It's actually very simple. Women (and men) don't base their choices of men on how "nice" or "good" someone is to them day-to-day. Women choose the men they do because they feel a powerful GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for them. And, guess what? Some women will continue to put up with a guy who doesn't treat them very well, sometimes for months or years...But why in the world would a woman do that? Well, to put it simply, they confuse the strong attraction they feel for the guy with a deeper "connection". Women who do this are doomed to end up in failed relationships with the "wrong" guys. How do I know? Because I've seen it at least a hundred times.

MISTAKE #2: Assuming You "Get" Men and Their Psychology: Men are different from women. You need to accept this fact, and deal with it...As you probably already know, men are generally more visual. As a result, they often don't understand non-verbal communication as well as women. And men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and "intuition". Women don't seem to remember this about men.

MISTAKE #3: Pretending to Be Something for a Man: In the desire to please a man, women are constantly doing things to get a man's attention, to get him to like them or to make him more attracted or in love with them. Another HORRIBLE idea. Lots of women mistakenly think that doing unusual things to try and get a guy's attention will make him magically see what a great catch they are and want to be with them. Wrong. Men YOU TRULY WANT are never attracted to the types of women who kiss up to them, make weak plays for affection or complain to get what they want...EVER. Don't get me wrong here. Things like being sexy for a man or encouraging him to share his feelings can be good, but it has to be genuine, unselfish and, most of all, timely.

MISTAKE #4: Sharing How You "Feel" Too Early with Him: Another huge and unfortunate mistake that most women make with men is sharing how they "feel" too early on. Listen...Attractive, single, successful men are rare. They get A LOT of attention from women. Most women don't realize this, but attractive men get approached in one way or another all of the time by women. And guess what? Attractive men usually have dated a lot of women. That's right. They have EXPERIENCE. They know what to expect. And one thing that turns an attractive man off and sends him away running faster than just about anything is a woman who starts off saying, "You know, I really, REALLY like you" after one or two dates. This signals to the man that you're just like one of those stereotype women who wants to rush into a relationship and control herself from wanting a man to fulfill them and complete their lives. This does NOT spell ATTRACTION for a man. Don't do it. Lean back. Relax. There's a much better way...

MISTAKE #5: Misreading the Important "Signals" That Men Send: Men are constantly communicating how they feel about a woman and giving away big secrets about themselves. Most women don't pay attention to these signals or recognize them for what they really are. The signals men send have four main levels: a) Social: Where the man is at in his own life---stability, confidence, direction; b) Emotional: Whether or not he's "emotionally available"; c) Physical: If he's attracted to you...and for what reasons; d) Love State: If he's open to building and growing a relationship in the future. The funny thing is that men send signals in these areas completely by accident. That's the great news to women...Men can't help it! You need to learn to recognize these signals to get anywhere serious with a man.

MISTAKE #6: Relying on Your Natural Ability to Judge a Man's Character: People aren't easy to figure out, especially men...Getting the wrong messages from men causes women more pain and heartache than any other issue around. You can avoid this pain if you learn to identify a good man from a bad one.

MISTAKE #7: Expecting a Relationship to Make You Happy: A mistake I've seen women make is thinking a guy will change her life and make her happy and fulfilled. And sure, there are situations and relationships where this happens. But those are exceptions, not the rule. Nothing says "Run!" to a man faster than hearing or sensing that a woman immediately wants him to take care of her. And the men who ARE looking for this kind of situation aren't exactly the most healthy, loving, nurturing people out there. Think instead, "controlling, macho, or serious Mom Issues!"

MISTAKE #8: Trying to "Convince" Him to Like You or Love You: What do most women do when they meet a man that they REALLY like...but he's just not that interested or isn't as serious? Right! They try to "convince" the man to feel differently. Well, I have news for you....YOU WILL NEVER CHANGE HOW A MAN "FEELS" WHEN IT COMES TO ATTRACTION! Never, ever, ever. You cannot convince a man to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning". Think about it. If a man doesn't "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that by being "reasonable" with him? But we all do it. Men are the worst at this, by the way. They're always complimenting women who don't like them and buying them gifts. Women like the behavior sometimes, but it NEVER makes the woman like the man. She might enjoy what she gets out of it, but it doesn't change the way she FEELS about him. When a man just isn't interested, women will try and chase, compliment, convince and do their best to change his mind with logical and rational approaches. Bad idea. Another one that will never work.

MISTAKE #9: Not Knowing What to Do in Each Type of Situation: A man has a clear idea of what he wants from a woman. And I don't just mean sex. I know it might be hard to believe, but if you're out of a date with a man he already has an idea of what he wants from you. And if you don't know HOW to find this out and you just sit there looking at him and flirting, or trying things you think will make him want you, he won't help! If you don't know what to do in each situation, you'll probably screw it up...and LOSE EVERYTHING.

MISTAKE #10: Not Getting Help: This is the biggest mistake of all. This mistake keeps women from EVER having the kind of success and finding the kind of man and relationship that they truly want.

The (10) Men You Need to Avoid

1) Men Who Are Cruel: Simply put, there are men who are monsters hiding behind a thin veneer of charm and sanity. There is nothing in the world as ugly or damaging as a cruel man. For some reason, there are men out there who take only joy in seeing someone in pain (I don't mean like in dull headache kind of pain---I mean like a big knock on the head pain). People say it's a power thing, but I know it's a sickness thing. It's sick to be you if you are with someone like him.

2) Men Who Only Think with Their Sticks: Well, as we well know, the streets to the courthouse are littered with broken marriages caused by men who think with their sticks and not with their brains...Know that you've got a weasel in your arms and throw him away before he puts you on the front pages of the daily newspaper for murder.

3) Men Who Refuse to Grow Up: Other than the normal guy who wants to have his ego stroked constantly and only do what he wants to do, there are those guys who really are babies---selfish, spoiled, useless little boys who don't understand the concept of responsibility or self-respect. These men are the ones who can't keep a job, who blame everyone else for their own stupidity and laziness, who are constantly outraged that the world is not giving them the respect they deserve. Clueless, they never realize that they are, in fact, getting the respect that they deserve.

4) Men Who Are Way Too Paranoid: Something about these green-eyed goblins drives them to think you are cheating, even when you are with them. They are the ones who seem to be so confident at first, flirting with you and attracted to your ability to flirt back. You date them and find they really don't like your clothes (too revealing), your car (too flashy), your friends (sluts), your family (too nosy), your job (too demanding) until you wake up one day to find the only thing you have left in your life is a miserable, paranoid, weird, violent man who can't stand you out of his sight but can't stand the sight of you.

5) Men Who Think They Are Better Than You: Have you met him? He's all about feeling superior. Nobody is good enough for him. He has a laser sharp tongue and can shred anything in sight until it lies in tatters in front of him. This cold dead fish is unable to break into a smile for fear of splitting his face. He simply takes comfort in feeling that he is better than everybody else.

6) Men Who Are Prettier Than You: It's one thing to date a sexy honey who looks like Brad Pitt; it's quite another story to be with someone who makes you feel like a manly cow just by standing next to him. You know the type, don't you? He's the "metro man" who spends more time fluffing his hair just so and takes more time doing it than you would spend painting a barn door. Ladies, the secret to feeling pretty and feminine is to never date a man that's more beautiful than you and more delicate than you. So, stop feeling like the turd that's drying out in the sun and dump the whiny narcissist.

7) Men Who Think They Know You: These are the guys who think they are Freud. They spend all of their time thinking and little time actually doing anything constructive. They have put a big label on you after one date and one night of conversation. He's the guy who sits there watching you, with that stupid smug "I knew it" look on his hound-dog face. He's clearly thinking that by putting a label on you he has you all figured out and knows just what to do to fix you.

8) Men Who Love Sports Way Too Much: There's a fine line between a great guy who loves sports and the raging maniac that loves sports way too much. How can you love sports TOO much? men might ask in befuddlement. For most women, it's obvious. A guy loves sports too much when they would rather watch a game than spend time with them.

THIS ONE WILL PREEEEEEEEEEEEACH!!!

9) Men Who Are Damaged and Like It: He's the guy who seems so sensitive and caring when you first meet. He's able to share with you the heartbreak of a broken relationship. You only find out after a few more encounters that he's still nursing a broken heart from the relationship he had with someone over ten years ago. You'll slowly realize that he's not so much heartbroken as committed to never caring about someone again. No matter how much time you spend together you can never get through. Face it, you never will. The padding around his heart (and his skull) is so thick a neutron bomb won't pierce through it. So, give up and get going. He's like a drippy faucet that slowly wears you down with false hope until you just want to smash it.

10) Men Who Are Always Pissing on Everything: You know the type: for him nothing you do is good enough. You're too stupid, you're too fat, you're too mouthy. Well, the truth is the guy is an idiot trained from his birth by his Neanderthal dad to piss all over you and everything you do. Avoid him like you would a pounding headache.

The Differences Between BOYS, DOGS and MEN

BOYS:

Keep scores in a relationship
Compare you with other women
Lack patience
Resist change

DOGS:

Lack respect
Don't respect marriage
Use two heads
Have no respect for their mothers
Treat women like property

MEN:

Embrace change
Protect their women
Provide for their women
Lead their women

Just in time for Thanksgiving (LOL)! A BIG OLE PLATE OF FOOD FOR THOUGHT!

Take it all in.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-17T18:23:00.003-06:00

“Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus.”---Timothy Keller

Yeah. Well.

You know how they say that what's wrong with a lot of women is that they're married to the *wedding*? Yeah. I'm starting to think that what's wrong with a lot of men is that they are married to the *wedding night*. Both are just a few moments. Marriage was meant to last a lifetime.

Good word, Mr. Keller. Good word, indeed!

SRW

"On Fire": Do You HAVE Feelings or CREATE Them?

2011-11-17T17:25:00.003-06:00

"If your emotional abilities aren't in hand, if you don't have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can't have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far."---Daniel Goleman

In spite of the fact that I can count on less than three fingers how many people I've ever seen that look like me on the show (or shoot, in the city of Seattle for that matter-LOL), I am indeed a "Fraiser" fan. While flicking through the channels not too long ago, I heard one of the characters on the show say, "Failure is a result, not a cause." That caused me to pause. And watch. Further.

As I listened to several of Fraiser's past loves "talk it out" with him, the first thing I thought was, "Hmph. Just another reason to guard your heart for THE ONE instead of A ONE. *Sometimes* a multitude of counsel is mistaken for a handful of confusion." The other? That this resolve was stellar (paraphrase): "You didn't HAVE feelings for Lana. You CREATED feelings for her."

Hmph. I wonder if we respect that power within ourselves: the power to not look at what things *are* but rather *create* them to be what we want them to be. At least momentarily. Sometimes in peaks of great neediness.

That led me to do some thinking about emotional awareness in general. There is a great article that I read earlier today that stated that the benefits in having it are so that you can:

Recognize who you are: what you like, what you don’t like, and what you need

Understand and empathize with others

Communicate clearly and effectively

Make wise decisions based on the things that are most important to you

Get motivated and take action to meet goals

Build strong, healthy, and rewarding relationships

I like how the first point focuses on *self* and the last one focuses on *others*. And, I don't know about you, but I definitely think that as we come to beginning of another Thanksgiving and the end of another calendar year, it's worth exploring the question:

"In matters of the heart, what do you HAVE? And what do you CREATE? ALL BY YOURSELF?"

Oh, and it really was a good "Fraiser" episode. You can check out the portion that I was referencing in this blog here:

Definitely some food for thought. About the "root" of our "trees" (Matthew 12:33).

Lech Lecha,

SRW

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY (and Then Some!)

2011-11-14T21:32:00.002-06:00

“The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for.”---Maureen Dowd

I was sitting here thinking about a topic of conversation that I've been having with more and more *single women* in their late 30s-early 40s about how they are not where they thought they would be. Relationally. And then, I revisited the stats on divorce. Hmm. I wonder how many have preferred the "glass half full" perspective that they, in a good way, represent many of the *married women*, who, *in hindsight*, realized that they were *so desperate* to get married that...they settled. For less. That they are the single women who decided, "I want to be married *one time* the right way rather than one time---or three times---the wrong way." I wonder how many of them have "forgotten" that being single right now, for most, is a choice. Meaning: there were opportunities to settle. THEY. JUST. DIDN'T.

And that's a good---no, GREAT thing!

And then, as a 37-year-old woman, I thought about the times I've settled. *The many times I've settled* and how, when I did that in a relationship, it was a reflection of so many other areas of my life. Just as I was sharing with someone turning 35 earlier today, if nothing else breaks you out of the "settle cycle", let how precious time is do it. *We are to wait on God; not wait on what's less than God's best. And yes, he usually shows us signs to understand the difference*. One of them:

"My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth."---I John 3:18(NKJV)

This means that love is an action word. This means that LOVE. MAKES. PROGRESSIVE. STEPS. If you're in something, and it's godly, it's making *godly progress*. You're (both) *moving forward*. Time is being *mutually honored*. And decisions based on this are being *evidently made*.

Sometimes we're so busy "wanting what we want" that we don't step back to see *if we really want it*. At least in the way that we're getting it (I'm actually penning a devo on that as we speak!). And Maureen is so right: once we're in that space, we end up not just getting less than we should...but even less than that!

Anyway, if you think that's you, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) an article with some helpful advice:

"First, acknowledge what settling for less does to a person. When you settle for less, your true desires are not fulfilled. You may learn to accept where you are, but inside you will always have a longing for more and it will slowly eat away at your soul until you act on it.

Next, make a conscious decision not to settle for less. Don’t accept mediocrity. In fact, if you want to be truly happy don’t even accept 'good'. There is a saying: 'learn to say no to the good to allow room for the great.'

Finally, take the necessary actions to change your life. This means moving on from unfulfilling relationships, switching to a satisfying career, etc."

UNFULFILLING. What a fitting word being that King David once blessed us with, "May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and FULFILL all your purpose." (Psalm 20:4-NKJV) If it is indeed Adonai's will for you to be married (Matthew 19), then it is *a part of your purpose*, which means it will be something that *fulfills you*. This means that it will *satisfy* you. To "satisfy" is not just to "to fulfill the desires, expectations, needs, or demands of (a person, the mind, etc.)", but it will also "GIVE FULL CONTENTMENT TO", it will (love this!) "to put an end to (a desire, want, need, etc.) by sufficient or ample provision" and it will "to give assurance to; convince". Real talk: if you're not seeing evidence of this, YOU ARE SETTLING.

You know, on here, this subject matter came up not too long ago. Adonai *must* be wanting some people to *really get this* before 2012. So often we say that he didn't warn us. When the *free-setting-from-bondage truth* (John 8:32) is...*we just didn't listen* and the "scary thing about that" is:

"God has no use for the prayers of the people who won't listen to him."---Proverbs 28:9(Message)

Acts 1:7 (Message) indeed does tell us that "Timing is the Father's business." What I'm learning? Is what he *will not change* is what is not *within his will*. And once he makes that *abundantly clear* to keep focusing on it...that is not respecting his timing...*or my time*.

And speaking of time, I have an article to pen, so I'm out. I'll be praying in the meantime, though.

Lech Lecha. *For real*.

"You were bought with a price. Do not become slaves among men." (I Corinthians 7:23-NKJV) AMEN!

SRW

A Good Exercise for Those Who Journal: "20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday"

2011-11-13T20:53:00.001-06:00

Yep. Best way to break a cycle is to notice you are in one. Best way to make progress is to notice where you are moving forward, where you are going backwards...or if you're even moving at all (more people tread than they think they do!).

1) What did I learn last week? – If you have trouble answering this question, it’s time for a change. It doesn’t matter how old you are, you should learn something new every week.

2) What was my greatest accomplishment over the past week? – Reflecting on your accomplishments is a healthy way to raise self confidence and contentment. It’s also an effective way to track your progress.

3) Which moment from last week was the most memorable and why? – It may open up your mind to new passions and goals, or simple pastimes worth revisiting.

4) What’s the #1 thing I need to accomplish this week? – Everything else is secondary, and should be treated as such. Nevertheless, this question will also shine light on other noteworthy tasks.

5) What can I do right now to make the week less stressful? – Set reminders in your calendar, get your laundry done, fill the car with gas… organize yourself.

6) What have I struggled with in the past that might also affect the upcoming week? – The idea here is to learn from your struggles and better equip yourself for future encounters.

7) What was last week’s biggest time sink? – Steer clear of this in the future. Setup physical barriers against distractions if you have to.

8) Am I carrying any excess baggage into the week that can be dropped? – Physical clutter, mental clutter… eliminate the unnecessary so the necessary may shine bright.

9) What have I been avoiding that needs to get done? – Pencil in a time to get these things done. For any 2-minute or less tasks, consider scheduling them first thing Monday morning.

10) What opportunities are still on the table? – If it’s still available and you want it, make a concrete plan to go after it this week.

11) Is there anyone I’ve been meaning to talk to? – Regular communication can solve problems before they fester. Always keep an open line of communication to those around you.

12) Is there anyone that deserves a big ‘Thank You’? – Take time each week to thank the people who have helped you. Your kind gesture will not go unnoticed.

13) How can I help someone else this coming week? – The easiest way to get what you want is to help others get what they want. If you help them, they will remember you when you need help.

14) What are my top 3 goals for the next 3 years? – You’ll never make any progress in life if you don’t setup realistic goals for yourself.

15) Have any of my recent actions moved me closer to my goals? – If the answer is no, something needs to change.

16) What’s the next step for each goal? – Knowing the next step is the key to accomplishing the whole.

17) What am I looking forward to during the upcoming week? – The answer can act as a great source of motivation. If nothing exists, schedule something to look forward to.

18) What are my fears? – Consciously address your fears each week and slowly work on resolving them. It’s all about taking baby steps.

19) What am I most grateful for? – It’s a smart way to keep things in perspective, and something you should never lose sight of.

20) If I knew I only had one week to live, who would I spend my time with? – Another helpful reminder… Life is short. Spend more time with the people you care about.

I recommend actually keeping these entries in a journal and dating them every week so that you can see the growth. Or where you need to grow. Anyway, I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) this exercise here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "12 Signs YOU'RE Not Ready for Marriage"

2011-11-13T20:08:00.003-06:00

Good one, er 12, "Essence Magazine"...

1) You're More Concerned with the Wedding Than the Marriage. Often, more time is spent preparing and agonizing over the wedding details than actually considering the marriage. If you know more about the flowers at your upcoming wedding than you do about your partner’s debt situation, marriage ain’t for you.

2) The Trust Isn't There Yet. Trust Is critical. However, I find that some people don’t believe it’s possible to “fully” trust anyone, let alone a future spouse. If this is your challenge, you’re setting yourself up for a tumultuous relationship. Trust is belief in one’s integrity. No relationship can survive without trust.

3) You Can't See Yourself Parenting Their Child. When you enter a relationship with a single parent, you enter a relationship with their children, as well. I’ve heard countless stories of people saying “I love the person but just don’t love his/her kids.” This unfortunately is an unworkable situation. Children are not accessories to be included or not, they are a permanent part of the equation.

4) You Haven't Been Dating for Long. This is one category where statistics speak volumes. Most studies show a clear distinction in the divorce rate based on the number of years a couple dates. If you date and get married in less than two years, divorce rates are measurably higher than dating and marrying with more time under our belt. An interesting twist to these studies is dating too long before getting married has negative consequences, as well (anything over five years has high divorce rates).

5) Your Vitals Aren't Strong. If you’re headed to the altar without your relationship vitals in place, I call this settling. Relationship vitals are your values, personality type, and non-negotiables. These are all categories you should know and never amend for anyone. Your vitals are so important because the key pillars to a successful relationship are communication and conflict resolution. Met relationship vitals give you the optimal chance to exchange ideas and work through problems, when they arise.

6) You're Not Ready for Compromise. The pastor that counseled my wife and me before we got married told us something we’ll never forget – “You can’t have a successful relationship (romantic or platonic) unless you have a willingness to compromise.” When times get tough, there is one of two ways we react. Either we become selfish and focus on self or we become selfless and focus on our loved ones. If you (or they) are the former, marriage is not the right move.

7) You're Being Pressured. Are you getting married because of threats or ultimatums? If this is the case, you shouldn’t be getting married. Marriage should be entered by the free will of two people who love and respect one another. If you’re being pressured to get married, it’s time to reevaluate the basis of the relationship.

8) You Don't Speak Their Love Language. I’ve often said Dr. Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages” is the bible of relationships. In it, he paints a very compelling argument that an inability to speak or receive the love language of your partner is a recipe for disaster. Not giving love in a language they understand or receiving love in your language means you and your partner may never truly feel love.

9) You're Not Sexually Attracted to Each Other. Plain and simple, he can be the most wonderful guy in the world, have the potential to set the record for best husband and father on the planet, but if you’re not sexually attracted to him, your relationship will go south quickly.

10) You're Battling Addiction or Mental Health Issues. Pathology is something that does not get enough attention when we talk about relationships. Nearly 20 million people in the U.S. suffer from negative pathology. This means one in 25 people will have the disorders associated with ‘no conscience’ which include antisocial personality disorder, sociopath, and psychopath. Bottom line is that a healthy mind is a prerequisite to a healthy relationship.

11) You're Investing More Than You Can Afford to Lose. The joining together of two people is also the joining together of two families and circles of friends. Social tension is often cited as a top reason for divorce. You must ask yourself “at what cost am I in this relationship?” If you have to give up your friends, or family, the cost is too high. Reason being, if it all falls apart, you’ll be both emotionally and socially bankrupt. Like Dr. Phil said, “it is better to be healthy alone, than sick with someone else.”

12) Your Mind Still Wanders. If you’re apprehensive about marriage because you feel that someone better (looks or general attributes) could be around the corner, marriage ain’t for you. When you get married, you should feel confident that the person you’re meeting at the altar is the best for you and life without them is imaginable.

AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION FOR SURE (you can read it again if you'd like here).

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Why Women Should Never Ask"

2011-11-10T23:30:00.001-06:00

Yeah. Well.

Y'all know me. I think the Lord works in a *myriad of ways* and there were some *lasting and happy marriages* in the Bible where the woman didn't wait on the man to...ask. However, this author's "method behind the madness" perspective and reasoning, I *do* support. It's definitely something to think about. *On the front end*:

"If you want to date guys you’ll be glad to marry one day, then don’t give him a pass on this first and important test. If a guy isn’t willing to take a risk, initiate and ask you out, he may not be marriage material in the first place. Do you really want to have to prod him to make important decisions for your family the rest of your lives together? You really want a man who’ll take risks for your family. If asking you out is too much, there’s a good chance marriage will be too much as well.

The converse is also true. A mature woman learns to come alongside the leadership of the men in her life; first, her father and then her husband. If she falls into the temptation of asking men out herself, not only is she letting him off easy, she’s showing that throughout their relationship she may struggle to let him lead. A woman who’ll take a position of initiative at the beginning of a relationship is demonstrating a bent toward controlling her surroundings, instead of waiting for and submitting to the leadership of her husband."

You can read the rest of "Why Women Should Never Ask" here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Basic Introduction to Soul Ties"

2011-11-10T22:14:00.003-06:00

How to Break a Soul Tie

Point #3 is...ON POINT:

"Any rash vows or commitments made that played a part in forming the soul tie should be renounced and repented of, and broken in Jesus' name. Even things like 'I will love you forever', or 'I could never love another man!' need to be renounced. They are spoken commitments that need to be undone verbally. As Proverbs 21:23 tells us, 'Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.' The tongue has the ability to bring the soul great troubles and bondage."

The article shows the healthy and unhealthy side of soul ties. Definitely worth a once (or twice) over.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-10T21:56:00.001-06:00

"I have everything I wanted -- but I wanted all the wrong things."

Whew! The article entitled, "Looking for Love: Understanding What You Need" is not one that I agree with *totally* (serial dating ain't really my style), yet that quote up top was *definitely* worthy of giving it a shout out. This part too:

"'If you are looking to a partner to make you feel worthwhile, to make you feel happy, to rescue you from a bored or unhappy life, if you are seeking someone to make you feel complete or whole -- well then you have some work to do, because these are needs that are never going to be met by any one other than yourself,' says Sugrue. 'To put those demands on someone else is to set up yourself -- and the relationship -- for failure.'"

You know, I was trying to figure out why *so much* is coming forth this month and then I looked to the left of the blog and realized that "On Fire" turns "2" this month (on the 21st, to be exact!). I guess Adonai wants us to go into the new calendar year *really clear* on a few things (LOL). I ain't mad at him!

Lech Lecha, Ladies...

SRW

"On Fire": Everything You Love. Nothing You Expect.

2011-11-10T21:32:00.002-06:00

"For those who love what you reveal, everything fits—no stumbling around in the dark for them."---Psalm 119:165(Message)

"Expect your every need to be met. Expect the answer to every problem, expect abundance on every level…"---Eileen Caddy

There's a verse in Jeremiah (31:3-Message Version) that says, "Expect love, love, and more love!"

Watch this...

Just now, while doing some emailing, in the background noise of the television, I heard a car commercial (not sure which one...sorry) that simply said (at the end), "Everything You Love. Nothing You Expect."

Immediately, I Googled the phrase to see which car company was using it and look at what I found instead: a married couples' blog: "Marriage: Nothing you expect, but everything you could hope for". I read a bit of it. I liked this a lot right here:

"In Casey, I have someone that I know I can talk to about what happened throughout the entire 11 months and understand where I'm coming from. When we get home I won't have to struggle with trying to explain my experiences and there being no one that I can relate. The other side to that coin is though we have been with each other for the same countries and contacts we have had two very different experiences. Because of our different experiences I have the benefit of a very different perspective than my own. I feel this is one of the greatest advantages of being married and moving on in life with one another. I'll always have Casey's point of view to combine with my own. I'll always be able to see a fuller picture of any shared experience because I get to see it with another set of eyes and one of the purest hearts known to mankind.

Throughout the race I have had Casey to speak life into me. Whether I doubted my ability to share the message the Lord had put on my heart or the effectiveness of my efforts to serve, I have my wife to encourage and challenge me. I have the Love of my life to push me when I need to be pushed and support me when I need to stand firm. I have seen God's hand at work as much in our marriage and my relationship with my wife as I have in any other ministry on the race. I have also been more challenged by what God has shown me through our marriage and through Casey's heart than anything I've experienced in my life."

Indeed, indeed...INDEED, I *love it* when a man praises his rib! However, because I wasn't totally sure what 'the race' was, I did a bit more research on their blog. Ah, they were talking about "The World" race! Here is an excerpt from one of their more recent posts (I'm assuming they are traveling because they haven't put anything up since this past July):

"So much has happened that again, even if I were skilled literary master I couldn't put it all down. Our main goal is to help our teams get to a place where they are intentionally listening for the Lord each and every day. We know the Holy Spirit is actively moving and working through our lives and we hope to help people realize that it's as easy as just slowing down long enough to hear what He has for you. We also hope that we can help our teams realize the importance of just being with the Lord. A missions trip is not a doing, it never has been. If a team goes home and all they can talk about is what they did on their trip and know nothing of what it is just to be in the Lord's presence that they will have missed one of the most important factors of what it is to know Christ and serve Him. I know for me, this has been a journey that I am still very much on and I know Christ will continue to walk me through it. I like being busy, I like to do stuff. I don't like sitting still and just listening to the Lord, at least that's how I used to be. I'm starting to see how amazing it is when you just let the Lord take control and go along for the ride. It's such a beautiful and powerful thing to know that you don't have control but He does. It's the most freeing experience anyone will ever have."

Tom is starting to see how amazing it is when he lets the Lord have control and he just goes along for the ride! *Nice*.

If you spend more time on their blog, you'll see that they're a couple called, at least in this season, to missions work. And indeed, wouldn't that be fitting for the title of this blog? The Lord saw fit to place two people together (and from their "A little about us" section, *quickly*, I might add), to be willing to travel the world and serve others.

In one another, they found love. And in the joining of that union, also so much that they didn't expect!

My bottom line? Those of us who are still waiting for the will of the Lord to *fully manifest itself* in the area of marital covenant, we have to remember what the Word, which is God (John 1:1), tells us: that he does not lie (Titus 1:2). Therefore, when *he tells us* to EXPECT LOVE, that is not a *recommendation*, that is a *command*. When *he* tells us, that when we love what he reveals, *everything fits*...that's not a *guesstimation*, that is a *promise* (2 Corinthians 1:20).

Personally, I have been a big (HUGE) fan of Proverbs 16:33(AMP) for some time now: "The lot is cast into the lap, but the decision is wholly of the Lord [even the events that seem accidental are really ordered by Him]." And looka there: the commercial led me to the blog and the blog led me to this message. We have to be open to the miracles of Adonai's teachings (Psalm 119:18-NCV), whatever way he chooses to teach us.

We serve a mighty big God! Even in our meantime times.

Don't limit him. EXPECT HIM.

qwh,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: (ANOTHER) QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-09T21:32:00.001-06:00

"Your every relationship is a hologram of your life. You cannot hide your self-awareness, your maturity, your self-control, your commitment and your integrity. In every relationship you will show how well you can listen, communicate, initiate change, follow through and deal with problems."---"Emotional Maturity and Emotional Intelligence"

Your every relationship is a "JEM" of your life (LOL). That's a winner right there!

Lech Lecha,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "They Were Single Too: 8 Biblical Role Models" (David M. Hoffeditz)

2011-11-09T21:19:00.001-06:00

Hook, line and sinker...

"I am comforted to know that God is the one distributing marriage or singleness. The God who called me before He created this world, the One who knows the number of hairs on my head, and who gave His Son for me is the benefactor of these gifts. It is the Lord who has appointed---not Aunt Lilly, not my mother, not my so-called friends, nor that well-meaning church member."---"Paul: The Gift of Singleness", pg.9

Although some of the people in the book ended up married (so I'm still processing the title...just a bit), I did find some nice nuggets within it. Also, if you're someone who wonders if you have the "Gift of Singleness" over being in a *season of singleness*, this might give you *some* of the clarity you seek (personally, I feel that if you desire sex or marriage you don't have the gift. If you'd like a second opinion, check out a more thorough read on the matter here).

Anyway, if you want to see Paul, Anna, Martha, Jeremiah, Ruth, Joseph, Nehemiah and John the Baptist in the "single light", you can get this book here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

2011-11-09T20:50:00.001-06:00

"If he's a healthy man, he will never make plans for the future that he does not intend to back up. And he certainly will not say, 'I'm not sure where this relationship is going' and then continue to call you and have sex with you. He will not send messages that are confusing and difficult to decipher."---Dr. Bethany Marshall, author of "Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away", pg.205

I mean, we are all praying for a *godly* man, right? God *ain't* the author of confusion (I Corinthians 14:33), right? That's definitely a 1+1=STABILITY equation.

Amen? AMEN!

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them" (Hayley DiMarco, Michael DiMarco)

2011-11-09T20:36:00.001-06:00

Hook, line and sinker...

"A lot of times when we're hurt, however, it isn't because of sin but because of an offense. When you are offended by someone else, it can feel like an attack. But every time you have trouble getting over something, you have to ask yourself, Was what they did a sin or did they just hurt me? Because last time we checked, hurting you isn't a sin in itself. Sure, the person may not have acted in what you perceive as love, or even kindness, but there is a distinct possibility that you didn't either. Often, especially in love relationships, we hear things that aren't even said. We misread or read between the lines and project our own emotions and thought patterns onto another person. This is complete Cupidity.

When you make assumptions about people's motives, you are actually operating in deceit. You lie to yourself if you believe that your beloved, someone of the opposite sex, wants the same things you want and thinks the same way you think. That is why it is important to slow down and ask yourself about your grudge or inability to get over anything that your loved one has done. At any point you can't forgive or get over something, you first have to ask yourself, Am I unable to forgive a sin they have committed against me, or am I unable to let go of the pain that they have caused me? If your answer is in the affirmative, it reveals that your focus is inward instead of upward. If someone offended you but not sinned against you, there is really nothing to forgive, since the only thing that really needs to be forgiven is sin. Therefore, it's just a question of can you get over it? If you can't, then you are the one causing the pain in your life and in your relationship. You can't blame it on the other person's action because their action is over; it's your thought pattern that makes it continue. After all, it isn't what happens to you that hurts you but what you think about what happens to you that messes with your mind and emotions. (Except, of course, in case of actual physical pain or abuse, see #25.)

In other situations, you have the power to get over things, to move on and change the atmosphere in your home, no matter what's going on. But it will take a reassigning of your hope. If you keep it all wrapped up in the other person, then you're going to be disappointed. But if your hope is wrapped up in a more godly direction, then you're sure to keep a strong footing. The easiest path isn't always the best one, and choosing to get over something is definitely a hard path. But it is also the most beneficial. After all, "If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14-15). Clearly, if we look at forgiveness in light of this Scripture, it is for our own good. Refusing to forgive not only tortures us mentally but has an enormous impact on our relationship with God."---"Misunderstanding Forgiveness (or Refusing to Get Over It)", pg. 30-31

You can cop this path to freedom (LOL) here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY.

2011-11-07T17:32:00.002-06:00

"Attempting to go from booty call to relationship is like closing the door after the horse has bolted. The likelihood is that if you did get to know the person, the sex could quite easily take a nosedive, after all if you both had such great personalities, how did you end up leapfrogging the formalities and saying screw getting to know each other, let’s just screw?"

As if that's not enough to pull the chastity belts (or purity rings) out once and for all, you can read more here.

'Nuf said. Speaks volumes.

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "More Than Me: The 4 Essentials of Relational Wholeness" (Jim Petersen, Glenn McMahan, David A. Russ)

2011-11-07T14:52:00.004-06:00

Hook, line and sinker:

"On our wedding day, in all our youthful naivete, my wife and I (Glenn) did at least one thing right: We made a decision that our togetherness would never be called into question, no matter what hardships we might face.

Since then we've experienced the same difficulties in life that most people face---financial uncertainty, the exhausting but rewarding job of raising children, emotional ups and downs, the death of close relatives, times of loneliness, and the ever-present demands of work.

After more than twenty-one years, our marriage is still beautiful and strong. There is not an ounce of doubt about the permanence of our relationship. We're not the most exciting and vivacious people in the world, but we make a good team. We have a very peaceful relationship. There is no power struggle between us, and therefore almost no conflict. Our values and beliefs are the same. We accept one another when we fail.

But the marriage is not perfect. The struggle in recent years has been to find time to enjoy life together the way we did when we were younger. The pressures of work and raising children can steal the spark and spontaneity from life. As a husband, I love my wife and kids so much that, for fear of making a painful mistake, I often fail to be decisive in big decisions. That can leave my wife feeling like she's in limbo. And there are days when a sullen mood can get the best of me, which saps life from her.

Nevertheless, our marriage has always been a refuge for our souls. If the world around us fell apart, we know that we would be standing together, arm-in-arm among the ruins. Musician Bruce Cockburn wrote lyrics that describe well what I feel about Michelle:

If this were the last night of the world what would I do?
What would I do that was different unless it what champagne with you?

Our unity hinges on our mutual belief in God. We love because he loved us first. We forgive one another because he has forgiven us. As we each fix our eyes upon Christ and follow him, he draws us together. His presence in our daily lives strengthens us and counsels us.

When we first married, we decided that we would make Jesus and his Word the foundation and the North Star for our lives..."---"Epilogue", pg.211-212

You can cop it (for you or someone else) here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "The List Flip: What Makes YOU Marriage Material?"

2011-11-06T22:55:00.001-06:00

DIG THIS:

"Make a new list that focuses on you! We are so quick to make a man list, but have you ever stopped to think what makes desirable to a man for marriage. Begin to understand and investigate you own worth. I’m pretty sure men have lists too! Stop focusing so much on the list you have for a husband and start developing qualities about yourself that you’d like to bring to the table in marriage. Perhaps you’d like to play a major role in your family’s financial decisions. Start making moves to become disciplined with money, get yourself out of debt or learn how to better manage money. Maybe you’d like to get a better job, earn more money, further your education. All of these goals will shape who you are and what you contribute in terms of your talents within a marriage. Maybe you have some old emotional baggage you need to deal with before you can even receive the blessing of a husband. Either way, get you together so that you can bring something of value to your marriage."

You can read the entire piece here.

Wonder what's up with *this month*. Lots of wisdom coming forth. In abundance.

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMEND: "Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect" (Connally Gilliam)

2011-11-06T19:12:00.001-06:00

Hook, line and sinker...

"So goes the infamous tale of Eve and the wily serpent. How strangely relevant it is---her confrontation with a choice not dissimilar to the choices that face so many of my friends and me. 'Trust me,' says God. 'My reasons are good.' Whoa, that doesn't fly so well today. Meanwhile, the serpent offered a far more tangible, sensory experience. 'Eat it,' he said. 'Your reasons are good.' So Eve, like all of us (in so many areas including but not limited sexuality), had a choice. In what, or whom, would she trust?

Maybe that question would be my response to the original question at hand in this chapter. 'What do you say to the women who are getting it? My best response is, 'In whom or in what will you trust?' I don't say that flippantly. Trusting, for me, is a struggle.

But maybe before you answer that question, I'd simply suggest two things: First, try paying honest and loving attention to your own heart. Sometimes the little pangs that are so easy to ignore are trying to speak volumes of truth. Maybe there's a good reason that, like my friend, at the end of the day, you're just not that into it. Or maybe, like many of us, relationship endings have left your heart torn asunder. Or maybe, like me, you know there's some faint smell of selfishness involved in your physical relationships that you'd rather just ignore. It's not easy to pay attention, but it's never too late. And how great is it to have a heart that is growing more secure, forgiven and free.

Second, risk paying attention to God's heart. In searching for a vision and vocabulary for sex, I've discovered that God isn't a killjoy. Bonding, healing and pleasure are his ideas. We---I---do not need to try and sneak them past God in hopes of getting good things from homemade gods because the real God is tightfisted. Instead, as we learn to go to the Creator, we can as him to lay those gifts on us. If he chooses to use marriage and sex as one of his means, great. But if not (and way into my thirties now, I know that there are no guarantees), it's worth the risk to trust that he'll come through via other means. The bonds, healing and pleasures that I've found outside of sexual connection and outside of marriage are very real. I can see that God's fingerprints are everywhere in my life: in my family, my friendships, my vocation and a thousand little piddly places.

As the creator not of water guns, but of water falls; not of nuclear reactors, but the sun itself, God has the power to deliver love and life to all of us, including the currently single and celibate types. Honestly, I don't always feel it and sometimes like Eve I want a serious bite of that fruit now, on my terms. But I'm starting to believe that when the time is right, God can deliver more fruit than I could ever want. As a matter of fact, he's got the power to bring the orchard straight to me! After all, for him, moving mountains are mere child's play!"---"Revelations of a Single Woman", pg. 81-82

I'm sure many can relate. *Good stuff*. You can get it here.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Looking for Love: Seven Dating Rules That Will Help You Find Your Soul Mate"

2011-11-06T18:10:00.000-06:00

"A soul mate is…someone whose way of viewing life is not necessarily the same as yours but complements yours, so that there is not a compromise, there is a complement."---Paul Robear

Yeah. I know the topic of "soul mate", especially within the Church, is controversial. Personally, I've never really understood why. A soul mate *is* biblical, after all:

"Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul."---I Samuel 18:3(NKJV)

The thing that I am coming to *finally and fully* resolve within my own life is that a person must be a soul mate *as a friend* before they can *even begin* to graduate to "spouse"; that a soul mate...that should actually come *first*. The *friendship* between Jonathan and David shows us this fact. How sad and unfortunate *and often* it is that women will want to make a man their *husband* without even getting the foundation of him being a *tried and true friend*: Friend. Soul Mate. Husband. This should be the "decent order" (I Corinthians 14:40) of things.

And so *that* is why I'm so down with this article. Title and all.

You can read it in its entirety here; however, I have enclosed the rules, according to the author, that you should apply:

1) Switch from thinking of yourself as “single” and instead think of yourself as “ready to get married.”

2) Hold off on dating when you are going through life challenges that are draining you emotionally — including breaking off from a recent relationship that you are still emotional about.

3) Look for real chemistry.

4) Be aware of your weaknesses and limitations while continually striving to better your character.

5) (This one has the whole shebang included) Our sages teach us that before birth, our soul is split into two and our quest in life becomes to find our other half. For this to happen, we must focus on finding the soul of the individual. Instead of separating a person’s physical side from his inner qualities, view the individual as a whole. Allow his soul to move you gradually by getting to know him. Observe his actions and get a true sense of who he really is. What is his mission? What does he value? What moves him? What drives him?

6) When it seems that you will never meet your pre destined soul mate, practice trusting what God brings your way.

7) Many pray that they should meet their other half. Why not also pray for your other half?

Good food. For the soul.

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Worry Cure: Seven Ways to Stop Worrying from Stopping You" (Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D)

2011-11-06T15:04:00.000-06:00

"Which of you by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?"---Matthew 6:27(NKJV)

"If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."---E. Joseph Cossman

Hook, line and sinker...

"First, you have to come up with some good reasons why you need to worry. What could they be? How about 'Worry motivates me' or 'Worry helps me solve my problems' or 'Worry keeps me from being surprised'? Those sound like excellent reasons to worry.

Then you can come up with some ideas about when to start worrying. What is going to trigger this experience for you? You might say, 'When something bad happens', but that's not really the case, because you worry about things that haven't happened yet. Or you might say, 'When something bad is about to happen.' But how would you know if it's about to happen? It hasn't happened yet, and almost everything that you worry about happening has never happened. You could say, 'Worry about things that you can imagine happening that are really bad.' You can now imagine a million bad things that never have to happen. It's an unlimited supply of worries.

Now that you have some potential material to work with, you will have to focus on your worries. There are so many other things to distract you: work, friends, family, hobbies, aches and pains, even sleep. How will you keep your mind on your worries?

That easy. Tell yourself some stories about all of the bad things that could happen. Embellish them with details. Start each sentence, where possible, with 'what if' and then come up with every possible outcome. Keep telling yourself these bad stories, each time trying to figure out if you left something out important. You can't trust your memory. Come up with all of the possibilities---and then dwell on them. Remember, if it's possible, it's probable.

And don't forget, keep thinking that if something bad could happen---if you simply can imagine it---then it's your responsibility to worry about it. That's the first rule of worry.

But if something bad could happen, what does it have to do with you? Well, the second rule is don't accept any uncertainty---you need to know for sure.

So solve every problem that you can think of right now. You'll feel better. You'll finally be able to relax once you've eliminated uncertainty from your life. If you had absolute certainty, you wouldn't be worried, would you? You have to go out and get that perfection, that certainty.

Now let's start with your health. You can be completely certain that this discoloration isn't cancer. You just saw the doctor, but haven't doctors been wrong before? Moving along, you can't be sure that all of your money won't run out. Or that you won't lose your job. If you do lose your job, you can't be 100 percent sure that you would get another job. Or that people who respect you now won't lose all of their respect if you don't keep things going at the highest level possible.

Let's face it---is there anything that you are really certain of?

Maybe you can get some certainty by getting other people to reassure you. Maybe someone else is a better judge than you are. Go to the doctor as many times as you can afford to and ask her if she can tell you absolutely for sure that nothing is wrong with you, or if she can tell you that you will never get sick and die. Ask your friends if they think that you still look as good as you did last year. Maybe you can catch things before they slide too far. Maybe, before you completely fall apart---get sick and lose your money, job, friends, and your looks---you can catch it all and reverse it in a heroic effort of self-help. Maybe it's not too late. That's the great thing about demanding certainty. You will eliminate any oversights. You won't be naive. You won't be caught by surprise.

But simply being motivated and not accepting uncertainty is not enough to be a worrier. You need evidence that things can go badly. So the third rule is, treat all of your negative thoughts as if they are really true.

If you think someone doesn't like you, it's probably true. If you think you'll get fired, count on it. If you think that someone else is upset, then it's all about you. The more you treat your thoughts as if they are reality, the more you will be able to worry.

But why should you care what people think about you or how you do your job? Why should it matter to you?

The fourth rule solves this problem: anything bad that could happen is a reflection of who you are as a person.

If you don't do well on an exam, you are incompetent. If someone doesn't like you, you must be a loser. If your partner is angry, it must mean that you will end up alone and miserable. It's all about who you really are.

But some things are just not a big deal. Why should a loss or a failure be so important? Why worry if it's a small loss or a small failure?

Because the fifth rule of highly worried people is: failure is unacceptable.

You can think of everything as your responsibility, and if you fail, you think about how everyone will know and how this is entirely the final test of who you are. You can make your worries as powerful as possible by thinking, 'I can never handle any failure.'

Now your worries are really important.

You know they are really important because you feel how powerfully they affect you: knots in your stomach, rapid heart rate, whirring in your ears, headaches, cold sweats, sleepless nights. Now that you notice you have all of these feelings, you need to get rid of them right away. And that's rule six: get rid of any negative feelings immediately.

But wait. You can't get rid of them? They're not going away? That's a bad sign. You should be able to get rid of bad feelings right now. Who knows what they'll turn into if left to fester? Maybe the fact that you can't get rid of those bad feelings means something really awful is about to happen. Maybe there are terrible things you haven't thought of. Maybe you're losing control and that's unacceptable. That's something that needs to be addressed as soon as possible. Therefore the seventh rule is, treat everything like an emergency.

Don't kid yourself by thinking you can wait to get around to handling these things. Everything has to be solved right now---all of your problems, all of your worries, everything. You can lie in bed and go over every single problem that you will face tomorrow or next year and say to yourself, 'I need the answers immediately.'

So far, we are imagining bad stories and treating them like facts to motivate you to be responsible and worry. You're not going to accept any uncertainty; you'll put yourself in the center of every situation and see yourself as a failure. You realize that you emotions have to be completely controlled, and so you will treat everything like an emergency to get rid of any bad thoughts or feelings.

Now you can go back to the guy in the jungle and tell him that you have the Seven Rules of Highly Worried People...

But wait. Didn't you leave out something? Isn't there something you overlooked? Can you really trust your memory? You forgot the most important thing. You forgot to worry about worrying. You forgot to tell him, 'All of this worrying is going to drive you crazy, give you a heart attack, and ruin your life completely.' How could you forget the eighth rule---the rule that now says, 'Now that you're worried, you've got to stop worrying completely or you'll go crazy and die'?...

In fact, your solutions are the problem. Your rule book makes you worry...

Worry is not simply pessimism; it's a reflection of many different parts of who you are. Once you understand why you worry and why your worry makes sense to you, you can begin to explore some things that you can do---or not do---to help yourself...

Based on the new research, I've developed a seven-step program to help you understand your own 'theory' about worry, and the most effective techniques for defeating your worry and breaking those rules once and for all:

1) Identify productive and unproductive worry.
2) Accept reality and commit to change.
3) Challenge your worried thinking.
4) Focus on the deeper threat.
5) Turn 'failure' into opportunity.
6) Use your emotions rather than worry about them.
7) Take control of time."---"Introduction"---pg.2-6

Hmm...I wonder how many are *worrying* about getting a mate.

Anyway, if you're interested in copping this gem, you can get it here.

ykl,

SRW

"On Fire": The Benefit of the Broken Bottle (It's in the Lesson).

2011-11-03T19:46:00.000-05:00

"If someone is lazy, the roof will begin to fall. If he doesn't fix it, the house will leak."---Ecclesiastes 10:18(NCV)

"The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining."---John Fitzgerald Kennedy

I hope this lil' parable will be a "warm fuzzy" for someone...

OK, so I'm growing my hair out, right? And trust me, that is a *major feat* in my world. Especially in this season of my life where *so much is transitioning* and, in times past, I would deal with it all with a pair of clippers! (LOL) Next month, it will be a year since I last shaved my head, and I have learned *a lot* about hair care since then (there are tons of natural hair care websites...I have really come to dig this chick a lot...as of late: click here).

Anyway, as I was ordering one of my personal hair products, I learned a valuable lesson.

I purchased it fairly early last month, I got an email on 10/20 telling me that it had shipped priority and yet...come 10/31, it still had not arrived ("trick or treat"...yeah, I know!). The first thing that came to mind? "I'm glad I didn't order it after my current supply had ran out." My second? "WHERE IS MY STUFF?!?"

The first self-statement reminded me of the *dire importance* that's related to living a life (as much as possible) well-prepared. Indeed, "First, finish your outside work and prepare your fields. After that, you can build your house." (Proverbs 24:27-NCV) The second? Well, it's what the customer service person said to me in response to my inquiry that was a "street light moment" for me:

"Yes. You should be receiving it on 11/2", he said casually.

"Why is it taking that long if it was shipped on 10/20 priority?" I pushed.

"We had to send you another because the first bottle broke," he replied.

I thought about that. 1) how *no one told me that had happened*. More importantly, though, 2) how it really is better to get a *whole* bottle than a *broken* one. EVEN IF/WHEN IT TAKES LONGER THAN EXPECTED.

And "ah ha!", therein lies the moral to this story.

It was further confirmed as I was reading an excerpt of a book entitled, "What's a Girl to Do While Waiting for Mr. Right?" (Janet L. Folger) In the chapter, "Dating Mr. Wrong", the author says this:

"I was hurting. You know the feeling. So what did I do? I ran to the arms of my ex-fiance'. He was the only one I'd rather be with than this guy. The night I called him and told him I need to see him, I didn't know it, but he left his girlfriend sitting on the couch to come and comfort me. When he held me, all the hurt---broken relationships, broken friendships---was gone. After all, I had been loving this guy, wishing things were different, for well over a year after we broke up. He kissed me. The chemistry never even faded. As he pointed out, "The periodic table doesn't change." That was such a good line---it needed to be in print somewhere.

It helped for a short while. The operative word being short. It was great while we were dancing and watching the sunset in Key West together and he was telling me I was the 'love of his life'. Not so great when he was backing away to spend time with his girlfriend---who had probably been sitting on his couch all the while. So now I felt the loss of not one boyfriend, but two. Great plan, huh?

That's the point where I was when I called my friend Mickey from the Christian Booksellers Convention. He tried to snap me out of it. 'Janet! This should be one of the happiest times of your life. You have a book! Do you know how many people would love to be where you are right now? And instead of being happy, you're crying in your hotel room over a relationship that isn't even worth the time of day.'

He was right, of course. But it doesn't feel like it when you can't get past the crippling pain to process things like facts and logic. I was able to stop crying long enough to do what I had to do there---and I had some very nice periods of distraction---but I couldn't wait to be alone again so that I could cry. If I were keeping score, I would say that, by and large, Satan won that round.

But he doesn't have to. God is stronger.

Remember that."---"Dating Mr. Wrong", pg.82-83

Sometimes, when we're waiting for things (and either we're impatient with the process or are out making up "time fillers" to fill in the gap), we can also be tempted to think that Satan has won out. And yes, Janet's right. God is stronger. *All the time*.

It has been utterly amazing, the kinds of lessons that I am learning in this season---things that the Universe and the Creator of it (not necessarily in that order-LOL) are making *good and sure I learn* before jumping anybody's broom. One of the main ones is this: "You don't want a man that you have to fix. You want a man who is whole. And you better believe that you will be much happier if that is taken care of on the 'single woman-in-preparation side' of your wedding day. Just ask some of the wives that you know who, somewhat like your order, preferred collecting whatever good they could from a broken man rather than waiting the extra time required to get one, or get 'him', once he was whole."

Kinda makes me think of something I read in the book, "A Man Worth Waiting For: How to Avoid a Bozo" (Jackie Kendall): "...Bozos are bent on their wants and ways---they will ultimately reject anything that threatens their selfish lifestyles. If you find yourself in a relationship where you are doing all of the giving, compromising and sacrificing, you've found yourself a Bozo. Make no mistake: commitment-phobic guys will end up hurting you if you invest your heart in any of them." ("A Man Worth Waiting For"-pg. 204)

That'll preach! 50 sermons over.

If you're listening. And I hope that you are.

Well, I'm off to rub on my scalp. My shipment came in today!

If you're sensing that your man is "broken"...maybe this is a time to consider "giving him back" (turning him over to the Master Healer) for a season. (Just sayin'!) Sometimes we get what we paid for. Sometimes we settle for less.

Lech Lecha,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Letting Go of Your Past: Take Control of Your Future by Addressing Habits, Hurts and Attitudes That Remain from Previous Relationships" (John Loren and Paula Sandford)

2011-10-31T17:42:00.000-05:00

"Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to."---Unknown

AND INDEED YOU DO. CHECK IT:

"40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain"

AND THIS:

"Peace is an indicator. When our intended comes, our heart and mind may flip which way, while underneath is a peace totally unfamiliar to us. Outside we may be turned every which way but to peace, while inside there is no storm at all. Something has settled. When we are trying to discover, especially concerning one who doesn't yet know the Lord, our logical mind may do convolutions about itself. We may run in endless circles, opposing every thought with its opposite, getting nowhere in a hurry. And yet at the same time there may be a gentle inner knowing. Again, time is the friend of God and man; haste is the enemy. Such inner knowing and resultant calm will stand the test of time; passion and lust will not.

Sometimes lasting friendship is difficult to divide from spouse love, especially since love sometimes enters first by the door of friendship. We often confuse burden-bearing love with romance, or transference with love. All too often prayer ministers think they have 'fallen in love' with a person to whom they are ministering. Such relationships might, but seldom do, develop into marital love. Relationships based on need are always unstable and can seldom stand transition into two free equals freely choosing each other. Possessiveness frequently masks itself as love. All the above confusions are best sifted by time. The Holy Spirit is the giver of discernment, but as in the healing of the inner man, ripeness is the key capacity to hear Him. We must be careful not to pluck fruit before it ripens. Perhaps this is another meaning of the warning 'I adjure you...that you not arouse or awaken my love, until she pleases' (Song of Sol. 2:7, 3:5, 8:4---three times the Word uses very similar words!)."---"Becoming One Means Really Leaving Father and Mother"---pg.83

We've all heard the phrase, "Let go and let God." Some of us don't realize just how real that really is. An "On Fire" sistah (thanks Jennifer D.!) introduced me to these words in Jude, oh, about a couple of years ago:

"Relax, everything's going to be all right; rest, everything's coming together; open your hearts, love is on the way!"---Jude 1:2(Message)

Adonai's words do not return to him void (Isaiah 55:11). You don't have to "make love happen". You simply need to *let God happen* in your love relationships. And yes, sometimes, that requires loosening your grip so that you can gain a clearer perspective. On you, God and the other individual.

By the way, you can cop the book here.

In the wise words of Ms. Whitley Gilbert ("A Different World"), it's OK to "Relax, Relate and Release" when you're releasing it all over to the Master, the Creator...the Giver of Love.

Still prayin'. For your progress and your peace of mind.

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "You'll Learn to Trust Again When You Learn to Trust You"

2011-10-28T19:58:00.000-05:00

Indeed...

The truth will make you free (John 8:32). You were bought with a price. Do not be slaves among men (I Corinthians 7:23):

"This is why we can be very angry with ourselves and struggle to trust because in over arching with our benevolence, we recognize that we’ve made a big mistake. When we keep plugging away, it’s because it would be ‘better’ for them to prove our trust investment right than for us to admit we’ve made a mistake.

The ability to trust yourself and trust others actually comes from having your eyes and ears open and processing feedback. When you’re honest with yourself, you’ll feel and acknowledge the impact and what it means in relation to you and your relationship. You’ll experience your feelings, acknowledge any discomfort or what new information you have learned as a result of the impact, and take a view on it, and ultimately do something whether that means proactively addressing any code amber concerns, or inflating your opt out parachute and jumping from a code red concern."

Read this article in its entirety here.

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Live Your Calling: A Practical Guide to Finding and Fulfilling Your Mission in Life"

2011-10-25T23:56:00.000-05:00

Hook, line and sinker. Right here:

"God calls you to be the 'you' that he created you to be. He knows, however, that you can only become your real self if you give yourself to him. C. S. Lewis wrote, 'The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way, and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become...it is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to his personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own...Sameness is to be found among the most 'natural' men, not among those who surrender to Christ.' Within our relationship with God we can be transformed into extraordinary individuals he intends us to be.

If we keep our relationship with God at the center of our lives, he can also equip and empower us to do the extraordinary things he designed us to do. The things to which God calls us are usually challenging. In Experiencing God, Henry Blackaby says that moving from our way of thinking or acting to God's way of thinking or acting requires us to make major adjustments. We cannot stay where we are and go with God at the same time. We have to be willing to make changes in our lives.

Sometimes the problem in finding our vocational calling is not that we are unclear about God's calling to us, but rather that we are unwilling to do what he is asking. For many of us, financial concerns get in the way of our following where God is leading. Over the years, we have had many people begin their career counseling with us by expressing their desire to do whatever God wants them to do with their lives. If their new vocational calling would necessitate living on less income, however, their tendency often was to stay in the same job or field in order to maintain their lifestyle. Living our calling may require confronting some difficult money issues that have no easy solutions.

We have seen stunning examples of God's faithfulness to people who choose to trust him to meet their financial needs as they pursue their vocational calling. Jim and Jan believed that God was calling them to leave their positions in higher education and join Wycliffe Bible Translators, a nonprofit organization. One large obstacle stood in Jan's way, however. She was afraid that if they made this career change, their reduced income would be inadequate to fund a dearly held dream: to send their children (then ages three, eight and ten) to a Christian college.

In spite of her concern, they made the decision to join the organization and entrust God with their children's education. Nineteen years later, their three children were all graduates of Westmont, a Christian college in Santa Barbara, California. At a time when the national average for undergraduate debt was more than $12,000, all three graduated debt-free. Their story illustrates that God has unlimited resources he can make available to us if we trust him enough to follow where he leads.

Keeping our primary calling primary builds our faith and trust in God so that we are able to answer 'Yes!' to his call despite our fears and reservations. We trust that he is calling us toward something that is the very best for us, and we have faith that he will provide what we need to fulfill that calling. Keeping our focus on the Lord also reminds us that our ultimate accountability for what we do with our lives is not to our parents, spouse, boss, neighbors, society or ourselves. We are to live our lives playing to the Audience of One: God."---"Live Your Calling", pg. 13-14

A good man (and woman's) steps are ordered (Psalm 37:23). *In order*. Feel free to cop the book. It's got some *real gems* within it.

Lech Lecha...*for real, doe!* (LOL)

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: Take "The Marriage Readiness" Quiz

2011-10-25T16:39:00.000-05:00

"To be tested is good. The challenge of life may be the best therapist."---Gail Sheehy

OK...

I haven't taken the quiz yet. Oh, but I *love me some Aish.com* and so I will certainly make it a point to get around to it! Anyway, these days, when an excerpt/portion catches my eye, I don't question it much. Things are moving/shifting at an accelerated pace and so we have to be open to moving...*swiftly*. As led.

That said...

*This* is what caught my eye about the "marriage readiness" write-up:

Point One: I was a statistic. There I was, being told over and over by nice, well-meaning people that I was more likely to be struck by lightning twice than to get married over the age of 35. I couldn't get the image of Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny, angrily tapping her foot about her "biological clock ticking like this," out of my thoughts. I pictured myself as a cartoon time bomb, the fuse lit and hissing closer and closer. Panic settled into my daily life, and I almost succumbed to the belief that I would always find myself in the lonely, unsatisfying relationships I was familiar with. I was terrified I might never find meaningful love and have my own family.

Point Two: If you are sincere, and are doing all of the right things, but you find you're attracting random people, or people who don't "get it" or "get you," then it's time to look under the hood of dating to understand that what you think and how you feel directly relates to what you have and what you attract into your life. There's no hiding it.

Point Three: If you say you want to meet someone warm, kind, and welcoming, but you are being negative, skeptical, and judgmental, you are likely going to attract someone who is just like the way you are being rather than what you are saying. So I ask you, what kind of people are you attracting? If you do a lot of the right things, like dress well, look great, go on a lot of dates, and put yourself in all of the right places, but deep down you have unconscious stories about yourself, negative vibes, skepticism, misconceptions, and confusion, do you think it will make a difference?

This is the "Dating Epidemic." And until I realized what was actually going on, I was doomed to continue attracting men who would reinforce the story I had about myself - and I didn't even know it! I had to change - to wake up and have a breakthrough - and take personal responsibility for who I was being in my life. The truth is:

I had to be the one to find the one.

And when I did, my energy changed and my life changed. The wrong ones stopped showing up!

Good stuff! Anyway, if you want to take the quiz, go here.

Adonai's moving. And speaking. AND TESTING. If you're in a "dating epidemic" (and sick of it):

TEST. OUT.

tmm,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Prioritize Having a Healthy Relationship Instead of Focusing on 'Getting One' from a Reluctant Source"

2011-10-24T19:45:00.000-05:00

This ain't your pastor's sermon but...

If you stay open, it will *surely* set the captives free! I simply adored these three points right here:

1) “Well, what I realize now is that I have never seen relationships with men in terms of what I wanted from a (any) relationship with a (any) man. I always saw relationships in terms of what I wanted from this (particular) relationship with this (particular) man, so that my desire for a relationship was always about a specific man to me and never about relationships in general or about men in general.”

2) If you check into a hotel today and complain about the lack of sea view even though you’re bang smack in the middle of a built up area, you’ve either got to accept that the view is the view, or move to a hotel closer to the beach. End of. In relationships, we become sidetracked because we think, unlike the view from the hotel, that we can change a person or that if we have feelings for them and want the relationship, they should give it, even if they act and say differently. Instead of knowing what you represent, what does and doesn’t work for you, your priorities etc, you meet someone and they become the vocation that you’re sinking all of your energy into. You don’t do your homework and find out if you have shared values, etc. – all you know is that you now want a relationship. In fact, it becomes “What values?” This is why I hear from so many women who became focused on getting one man or a series of men to give them relationships they weren’t giving, that are regretting not folding and feeling like they’ve ‘wasted’ their lives.

3) Stop hammering your square peg and pinning your hopes for a relationship on a ‘type’ that may actually be working against one. Get happy with you, work out who you are and what’s important, and align yourself with a relationship that reflects this instead of only getting the ‘relationship erection’ when you know that one isn’t in the offing or having to ‘suffer’ for your mission. You can tell a lot about what someone truly wants and how they feel about themselves by the relationships they’re in and the people they claim to love. Fact is, if more of us prioritized our self-esteem and our true values, there’d be far less unavailable relationships! You’re the only person you’re in control of, so don’t stand in the way of your own progress.

Get free. GET. FREE!

You can check this article out out in its entirety here. Thanks, Ms. Natalie. Baggage RECLAIM fa sho!

tmm,

SRW

"On Fire": Later. Sometimes Means Better. Most Times, Actually.

2011-10-21T14:16:00.000-05:00

"Jesus said to him, 'You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on.'"---John 13:7(AMP)

"At first we hope too much; later on, not enough."---Joseph Roux

My hope chest sits, patiently, next to the love seat where I do a lot of my writing. Therefore, I see it everyday; but just now, am I *really looking at it*. Again. Wooden. Hand-carved. With angels all about. Hmph. It's funny that *just now*, I'm processing that it represents the theme Scripture for this blog: "Who makes His angels spirits, His ministers a flame of fire." (Psalm 104:4-NKJV)

Wow.

I used to make it a point to put something in it rather regularly. Yet, there's been so much...upheaval as of late, that I must admit that it's been neglected. That I haven't been making my hope chest...HOPE-FULL. I've got to get better. Sometime over this weekend, I shall.

Actually, I think I know what I will put inside of it. I will order a book that one of the "On Fire" gals sent me a link to last week (thanks again, Nicole). Seven days ago, actually. It's entitled, "Baby Changes Everything: Embracing and Preparing for Motherhood After 35". When I got the email with the subject heading, "SOMETHING FOR PEREZ'S MOM", I thought, "That's cute." Yet, after reading a story earlier today and the lead Scripture which complements it well, I now see that the Spirit (John 4:24) is saying, "Oh, it's a lot more than that." Yeah. Adonai is a lot more than...cute.

The story was on Salon.com. It's entitled, "My Husband's Ticking Biological Clock" and at the risk of overusing the word, yes, I found it to be...*cute*. And somewhat profound. In the timing (Acts 1:7-Message) of my reading it. Because timing is such a...catchy word. And I picked that word on purpose because based on its context, "catchy" can either mean, "pleasing and easily remembered" *or* "tricky and deceptive". When you get the timing thing right, it's the former. When you don't, it's the latter. I'm trying to master the first one. More. And better.

I think that's why I gravitated to this part of the author's narrative so much:

"On paper we both wanted the same thing: to start our own family. We just happened to want that same thing at different times. As the dance of our relationship revealed, timing was everything. If one person moved too quickly or too slowly, the whole thing became clumsy. Clearly we’d have to compromise. And that meant neither party would get exactly what they desired. So like a game of chicken, each of us waited, wondering who’d budge first. I didn’t want it to be me, pushed into a new role prematurely. I was confident that postponing parenthood now promised the two of us, and our unborn offspring, a brighter, more satisfying future. That waiting until I was ready to be a mother meant I’d be a better mother. I only hoped that when I finally was ready, my body and my husband wouldn’t tell me it was too late."

Now, I'll be the *first* one to say that it bugs me when women call the Lord "their husband" in a humanized way. It's a metaphor (Hosea 2:16). Not an exact in the sense of him doing what an earthly being is created to do. However, when it comes to the analogy, I couldn't help but think of some of the things on my "heart wish list" and feel that Adonai and I have similar dialogues as this woman and her husband do. That when it comes to certain things, with my whole heart, I believe that Adonai and I want the same things for me. And, because he is a *perfect spirit* and I am a *flawed piece of flesh*, there is often a compromise that transpires: he waits for me to get with his program (LOL). But more than anything, what really hit home for me---mind, body and spirit, is when the author said that she was confident that postponing parenthood was to ultimately bring about a brighter and more satisfying future for her unborn child. That waiting to be ready meant waiting to be better.

WAITING TO BE READY MEANS WAITING TO BE BETTER.

This is God's vote. This I know.

You know, if you read the context of the lead verse for this lil' blog thought, it's when Christ was about the wash the disciples' feet. Peter didn't understand why Christ was doing it. That way. Christ simply said, "You do not understand now what I am doing, but you will understand later on." And a lot of times, in our "love relationship of compromise with the Lord", we have to come to this same resolve. That we don't always understand what is going on *right now*, but if we wait, we will. Later.

And later. Sometimes means better. Best, actually, if it's according to Adonai's timing.

I'm praying for y'all. Still. Hope does not disappoint (Romans 5:5). Still.

Lech Lecha,

SRW

"On Fire": Signs That You're SETTLING.

2011-10-14T09:41:00.000-05:00

"Your strength will come from settling down in complete dependence on me— the very thing you've been unwilling to do."---Isaiah 30:15(Message)

“Living with integrity means: Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships. Asking for what you want and need from others. Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension. Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values. Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.”---Barbara de Angelis

Hey Ladies...

So, I was having a conversation with someone earlier this week, basically along the lines of that quote by Ms. de Angelis re: how do you know when someone is disrespecting you in a relationship. I mean, not *abusing you*, but just not *honoring you*. I have lived, for some time now, by the (working) philosophy that *once you state your needs* and they *continue to go 1) unacknowledged and/or 2) unaddressed*, that is a pretty clear indication that some respect is lacking. And it's hard for anything to really flourish, especially in a healthy way, without mutual esteem present. That's not my *opinion*; that's *biblical*: "One person esteems one day above another; another esteems every day alike. Let each be fully convinced in his own mind." (Romans 14:5-NKJV)

Indeed, I hear myself saying more and more these days, "You value what you value." Personally. Professionally. RELATIONALLY. Period.

I think that's what I really enjoyed about an article that I "happened upon" (Proverbs 16:33-AMP) last evening entitled, "Settling vs. Settling Down". As I went down the list, it amazed me how many people, based on the information that they've shared with me, came to mind. ON THE SETTLING SIDE OF THINGS. Check it:

Settling vs Settling Down in Your Career

Signs of Settling:

    I hate this job, but it pays the bills
    It’s not the ideal job, but I’ll take it
    I don’t like what I’m doing, but the money justifies it
    This is the lesser of all evils
    I can take this job and look for something else in the mean time

Signs of Settling Down:

    I love this job
    I love what I do here and the money is just an added bonus
    This job gives me an opportunity to express myself creatively
    The idea of doing this for the next 5 years really excites me
    I’m not really thinking too far ahead and I’m really present when I do this work

Settling vs Settling Down in Relationships

Signs of Settling

    This is the best that I can do
    This is significantly better than my last relationship so I shouldn’t complain
    It’s been a long time since I’ve connected with anybody
    Well, I’m x age and if I don’t make this work I’m going to be to old (this one is quite popular)
    etc, etc.

Signs of Settling Down

    I feel amazing about this
    I feel truly blessed to have this person
    I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with this person
    I wake up everyday grateful to have this person next to me
    This is what I truly want

Now, we know that for the sake of *this blog*, you're also settling (I Timothy 5:22) if your fella is *already* waking up next to you (SMH...LOL...RME...LOL), yet I think we all get the gist. And then, the goodness just kept on coming after I read another piece entitled, "Dating: God's Best or All the Rest" with this tying it all together quite...effectively:

As I began to observe his life and how he interacted with others, as well as how wonderfully he always treated me, I decided that there could really be something here. As I prayed about it, I felt like God gave me permission to pursue it. Later on, when I prayed about the possibility of marriage, God answered that prayer clearly too. The rest is history. We dated for about 10 months before he proposed.

And now, after nearly four years of marriage I am so glad I followed God’s leading. It’s not that my husband and I never disagree, or that we do not get on each other’s nerves periodically, but married life is so much simpler when you know that this is the person that God led you to. With that in mind, we know God will see us through whatever difficulties we face in the future. And as I look back on past relationships, I can see why Matt and I are the best match compared to others we each dated.

Don’t get me wrong, you could probably make your current relationship work. I believe that there are any number of people that we each could marry and make it work – and even be happy. But I also believe that we will be happiest in marriage if we allow God to choose our mate for us. That doesn’t mean waiting for God to drop that person into your lap, or waiting for a flashing neon sign to blink over his or her head identifying that person as “the one.” Instead, it means taking each relationship to God and asking, “Where do You want this relationship to go?”

And the next step is just as important, are you truly willing to abide by God’s answer?

If God’s will is for you to be married, then I believe He wants you to have the best marriage possible. You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who God made you to be, encourage you to grow spiritually and embrace all that God has for you, and cherish you as a precious gift from your Heavenly Father. Don’t settle for less than that.

That question about asking Adonai where HE WANTS the relationship to go...boy, that could spare a lot of unnecessary money for a wedding *and* for the divorce that oftentimes follows right there! Come to think of it, it could also move a lot of relationships *much further along* if more women chose to accept that Adonai is *far more concerned* about a person being good for your spirit (soul salvation) than your libido, bank account or family photos. Sometimes we make the wrong options our top priorities.

Anyway, I'm sharing this because as the 2011 calendar year is starting to wind down, if you see yourself anywhere in these articles, I hope you will *make the time* to *really think* about the warnings that they're giving you. If you don't like where you're working or living...*why are you settling?* When the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), tells us that perfect love casts out all fear (I John 4:18), this doesn't just apply to relationships. LOVE YOURSELF TO NOT LET FEAR STIFLE (OR STAGNATE) YOU. And, if you're in a relationship (even, on some levels, in a friendship) where you see some of these "You're settling" red flags, that is *definitely* something to think about...*and reconsider*. Not only is life too short, but there are *far too many spirits* out here in the world that are not just out to waste your time, but drain your energy and distract you from fulfilling your purpose (Psalm 20:4).

In the game of life, Adonai covers all bases. Don't you just love the lead verse for this? We can only *truly settle down* by being *completely dependent* on him---relying *wholeheartedly* on his way, his time and his will.

Life is short. We are vapor (James 4:14). It would be a shame to rewind and realize that more days were spent (or is it wasted?) on "This is the lesser of all evils" and/or "This is the best that I can do".

Why settle? You're a daughter of the Most High (Psalm 82:6). You *certainly* don't have to.

So don't. Settle down...instead.

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Dating with Pure Passion: More than Rules, More than Courtship, More than a Formula"

2011-10-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

Hook, line and sinker...right here:

"Unfortunately, eating chocolate on an empty stomach illustrates how a lot of singles build dating relationships. They approach one another with hungry hearts, hoping that the other person will feed them. This condition can be especially acute when a man or woman feels lonely, rejected or starved for acceptance. Without love, people become desperate for something to fill the void inside their hearts. A romance, with its potentially sweet taste and emotional highs, seems the likely solution to their hunger.

Consider my Great Dating Crusade. I was hungry for love and searched repeatedly to find a woman to fulfill me. Every new romance that I entered felt like a sugar high with soaring emotions, exhilarating self-esteem boosts, and a sweet sense of security. In the headlines of romantic rapture, I thought a woman could fulfill me forever. Nevertheless, the euphoria inevitably collapsed. Sometimes it took weeks. Other times, it took months. My wife's happiness vanished a year after dating and seven months of marriage.

Regardless of how wonderful a new dating relationship feels, the romantic bliss will eventually wear off. Human affection may taste good, but like chocolate, it cannot give our hearts what they need for survival. The true hunger of our hearts is to be accepted unconditionally. We need more than just attention, friendship and sex. We long for someone to love us despite our faults, mistakes and imperfections. Our hearts remain hollow when no one completely accepts us."---"Dating with Pure Passion", pg. 12

El Elyon, the Most High, just keeps speaking...and speaking...and speaking...

Calling us higher....and higher...and higher...

Get the book!

tmm,

SRW

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "101 Cups of Water: Refreshment and Relief for the Tired and Thirsty Soul"

2011-10-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

It's a quickie.

My mom forwarded this to me this morning. It really resonated:

"All my life I’ve sought to be extraordinary. I want to be admired by others and also admired by myself so that I don’t feel the shame of being just plain ordinary. I used to think that ambition was an indication of emotional health. Not so. Extraordinary people feel extraordinary pressure to continue being extraordinary. It’s a prison from which one cannot easily escape. The effort to maintain 'extraordinary,' to be a somebody, even to be a super Christian, takes so much energy and consumes all one’s joy and peace. Worse, any of us who are bound to maintaining an extraordinary spiritual reputation eventually find Jesus oddly irrelevant, even an impediment, to one’s purpose. Jesus came to free us from the prison of needing to be extraordinary."

It's an excerpt from a book entitled, "101 Cups of Water: Refreshment and Relief for the Tired and Thirsty Soul". Loved it!

Keep hangin' in. And on'.

SRW

"On Fire": If He (Always) Told You, It Wouldn't Be a SURPRISE!!!

2011-10-07T19:28:00.000-05:00

"If I were in your shoes, I'd go straight to God, I'd throw myself on the mercy of God. After all, he's famous for great and unexpected acts; there's no end to his surprises."---Job 5:8(Message)

"Be ready to be surprised."---Loesje

Well...

It's Yom Kippur tonight (and tomorrow thru sunset); what is considered, in Judaism, to be the holiest day of the year, and being that I am getting more and more into observing HOLY-DAYS rather than HOLI-DAYS, I am an observer of it.

Therefore, I won't be with you long.

I just wanted to share with you an excerpt of an "On Fire praise report" that I received from one of the "On Fire" sistahs earlier this week. Ironically, in reply to the "Knock-Offs" devotional featured under this message:

"PRAISE REPORT!!! I AM ENGAGED!!! My future husband is named Akim Iddrisu and he's from Ghana. He is 37 years old and he is a car exporter here in South Korea. He is the most wonderful, caring, sweet, kind, hard working, compassionate, loyal, protective, loving man GOD could have ever blessed me with!!! I AM SOOOO GRATEFUL!!!"

I'm going to leave her name anonymous because I'm not sure how public she's made it. Yet. Although *something tells me* (I believe it's the Holy Spirit-LOL) that this news is probably all the rage on her Facebook page!

Anyway, I'm sharing this for two reasons. 1) because I remember what my friend was going through this time last year. *And the year before that*. On many levels, due to her mom's health challenges and this whacked out economy, it was *pure hell* for her. She hung on, though and so, I am *so thankful* that she has gotten some *real relief* and that she has *truly reaped* from the seeds that she has sown (Galatians 6:9). Adonai has proven, yet again, that he can be trusted. And 2) because I also remember when she sent me an email to tell me that she was leaving to teach in South Korea. When we touched base by phone, I just laughed. This is one person in my life that you can't put too much past. One day in Nashville, the next day in South Korea. And who knew (other than Adonai) that over there was where her Beloved was? Hmph. Reminds me of my brother. Seven years ago, he too left Nashville, thinking that it was going to be for a few weeks.

To the Nashvillians, including myself, I say: GOD IS BIGGER THAN DAVIDSON COUNTY. And to the "On Fire" gals as a whole, "GOD IS EVEN BIGGER ON SURPRISES!" Therefore, either way, don't limit him. Don't let your fear(s) limit him. Your past limit him. Your preconceived notions limit him. Other people's input limit him. You limit him.

DON'T. YOU. LIMIT. HIM.

How? By deciding how he should move on your behalf. We are to be followers of the Spirit. Not leaders. Submitters. Not instructors. Surrenders. Not doubters.

Sadly, I don't know if we think of Adonai as the Master Element of Surprise nearly as much as we should, but when you think of the fact that he is the Master Source of Miracles, would that not be the same thing? I think sometimes we're so focused on what we see, that we forget (or is it that we neglect?) that the unseen holds some of the greatest of blessings; that Elohim is always at work on our behalf. Sometimes in the most unpredictable of ways. And times.

And so, as you prepare to enter into another week, perhaps consider stepping out of your comfort zone a bit. Peter would've never been able to say he walked on water (Matthew 14:22-23) had he not. And it looks like my friend wouldn't be yelling with excitement at me via email had she not either.

Stay open. And alert. And obedient. You never know when Adonai will *surprise* you.

qwh,

SRW

An Ounce of Prevention: "Knock-Offs"

2011-10-07T19:00:00.000-05:00

“Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.”---Matthew 7:6(NKJV)

“The rarest things in the world, next to a spirit of discernment, are diamonds and pearls.”---Jean de la Bruyere

SIDEBAR: This was featured as a devotional earlier this week. Hope it blesses you...

Early this morning (Psalm 46:5), I had a vision. Rather, I *envisioned something* that I thought was most appropriate for the “On Fire” blog; yet, it would seem that the Spirit (John 4:24) has other plans. Because, while this initially speaks to singles and standards, if you “wait it out”, it may bring about some personal clarity, married or not, re: some of the choices that you are making, or are about to make. In other words, it may bring about a firm “yes” or “no”, in this season, re: if Adonai can actually *trust you*---or is entrusting you---to make the right decisions; if your choices are manifesting *grace* (I Corinthians 3:10) or if they are resulting in a need for an abundance of *mercy* (Psalm 123:3) within your life. Because, indeed, the phrasing of the opening line of Amplified Version of I Corinthians 8:9 *definitely* bears pondering (Proverbs 4:26): “Only be careful that this power of choice (this permission and liberty to do as you please) which is yours does not [somehow] become a hindrance (cause of stumbling) to the weak or overscrupulous [giving them an impulse to sin].” I think a lot of us would be a lot safer if we applied this “hindrance possibility” to ourselves as well as those around us.

Tiffany’s? Or Claire’s?

Who knew? Who? Knew? Well, other than perhaps someone with that name, that the *very high end* jewelry franchise was onto something when they named their store, simply: Tiffany’s. And, let me just say this for the analogy’s sake, Claire, in real time, as it relates to a real person, ain’t a bad name, either. In Latin, it means “clear, bright, famous”. OK, but wait until you see what Tiffany means: THE MANIFESTATION OF GOD in Greek and “three” or “trinity” in Latin.

Yeah…this devo is gonna be…stunning. Literally (LOL).

So anyway, in this *envision*, I was at my absolute favorite mall in Nashville, Green Hills, and things were laid out just as it is in “real time”: Tiffany’s was upstairs and Claire’s was a level down (oh how the metaphors just keep a comin’!). However, there was a twist: instead of it being actual gems (Tiffany’s) or custom jewelry (Claire’s), both stores had actual women inside of them. Some I was aware of (I am using the word “know” less and less these days) and some I wasn’t, but in looking around and taking it all in, it was kind of like how they say that when we get to heaven, we’ll be shocked by who made it. And who didn’t. Some of the “Tiffany’s” gals caught me off guard just as much as some of the ones in “Clarie’s”. In some ways, it was surprising to see, which were “the real thing”…and which were the knock-offs.

Anyway, as I was asking the Divine Spirit for insight (Isaiah 28:29-NIRV) into what was going on, I was then taken to two bible chapters: Proverbs 31 (10-31) and Proverbs 5. One, according to Hebrew scholars, is the eulogy that Abraham penned for Sarah, “The Virtuous Wife” and the other is a long warning entitled (in the New King James Version), “The Peril of Adultery”. The first results in a man, *a husband*, saying “’Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’” (Proverbs 31:29-NKJV) The other? Well, it’s not praise that a man feels like giving after dealing with someone like her: “For the lips of an immoral woman drip honey, and her mouth is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of hell.” (Proverbs 5:3-5-NKJV) Oh, and while we’re here, sexual sin (I Corinthians 5:11) is not the only way someone can be immoral. That word is simply defined as “not conforming to the patterns of conduct usually accepted or established as consistent with principles of personal and social ethics”. And what are we as disciples (John 8:31) told to not conform to? *The things of this world.* (Romans 12:2) It’s so easy to judge until we have a clearer understanding of the Lord’s expectations; hence the need for *righteous judgment* (John 7:24).

So, as I looked into these two stores: one filled with the “manifestation of God” (that’s still so hot, Holy Spirit!) and the other with women that are “bright, clear and famous”---women that a lot of women try to emulate, I thought about my own jewelry experience.

Now, I’ll be the first one to admit that I have more custom jewelry than not. And you know why (catch it) because *it’s cheaper*. And *easier*. And more *readily available* (how many fellas are with a “Claire chick” for the *exact same reason*?!?). Yet, there are two things that I *very rarely* remove and that I couldn’t go the frugal route to get: my tiny pearl earrings and my pearl ring. I simply wear them too much to get the knock-off kind. To do so would be a waste of my money and my time.

And while we’ll get to the exquisite beauty (and value) of a pearl in just a moment, as I was piecing all of this together, I heard the Spirit (John 14:16-AMP) say: “Shellie, don’t confuse the difference between what someone doesn’t *want* and what they can’t *afford*.” Hmph. What someone “desires” vs. what they are “able to meet the expense of; have or be able to spare the price of”; what they are able to “furnish; supply”; what they are able to (good one, right here!) “able to do, manage, or bear without serious consequence or adverse effect”. Indeed, because if I were able to be up in Tiffany’s all day long, *would I really be in Claire’s?* Probably not. *Even if I’m acting like I prefer Claire’s, if I could *afford* Tiffany’s, I’m sure Claire’s would not be a priority. Or an option.*

Ladies-in-waiting, catch it: “Even if there’s more traffic in Claire’s, the clientele of Tiffany’s tends to be much different. The Tiffany’s shopper wants *the real thing*; not something that can simply be passed off, to the poor appraisers (we’ll get to that in a moment as well), as a rare gem simply because they don’t want to save up (wait) to pay the price (following godly standards) to get something…authentic, pure…*real*. Something of lasting value. Custom jewelry, to a Tiffany’s shopper, is really no more than junk jewelry because, to them, *you get what you pay for*. Both in the spiritual and in the natural: “Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30-NKJV)

The Parable of the Pearl: Revisited

I have shared, on more than one occasion, that I am *quite partial* to the pearl. It’s my birthstone, it’s a Christian symbol for Christ (John 10:9, Revelation 21:21), in Judeo-Christian recordings, it also symbolizes purity, harmony and humility and I’ve always appreciated (and in many ways, related to) the journey of the pearl: all that the grains of sand go through to become something so…precious. And in thinking about the pearl, I find that the following quote complements the Parable of the Pearl quite nicely: “The pearl is the queen of gems and the gem of queens.” For indeed, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.” (Proverbs 12:4-NKJV) And in connection to all of this, I appreciate how the Parable of the Pearl is so…profoundly succinct:

“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.”

Now, if you’re looking at this from a courtship perspective, it really is…quite romantic, isn’t it? A man, finding a woman of purity, harmony and humility and giving up everything just to have her. Yes, yes. In this life, there is something to be said about the quality of the “pearl” and its *appraiser* (to determine the worth of). Perhaps, in this sense, two of the greatest appraisers of all time were Adam and Boaz:

ADAM: “And Adam said: ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.’”---Genesis 2:23(NKJV)

BOAZ: “Then he said, ‘Blessed are you of the Lord, my daughter! For you have shown more kindness at the end than at the beginning, in that you did not go after young men, whether poor or rich. And now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you all that you request, for all the people of my town know that you are a virtuous woman.’”---Ruth 3:10(NKJV)

Show an average guy a gemstone and he’s probably a bottom liner: it if looks like a pearl or diamond or sapphire or ruby, then it must be one. Oh, but one with *gem experience*, he looks for the cut, clarity and flawlessness of the stone. And, if he’s been in Tiffany’s enough, he’s also noticed that, more times than not, it has its own *stamp of approval* on its merchandise…so that *all* can know where he made his purchase. Hmph. Life is teaching me that in a marital covenant, it’s not just enough to be “the pearl” but to be in communion and connection with a man who actually *knows it when he sees it*: both must happen for a true spiritual transaction to take place (Amos 3:3, Malachi 2:15, Matthew 19:1-10-Message). A godly man is not just looking for someone who *acts like the manifestation of God* but IS THE MANIFESTATION OF GOD in not just her appearance and words, but her actions as well! For him, simulation is not enough. Authenticity is what he’s after because he doesn’t just want to rock her like some junk jewelry at a party. He wants to have her as a part of him…for life. Kinda like my pearl earrings and ring. Yes, like the Parable of the Pearl, you’ll be amazed what you’ll give up for something that you want to last.

Yet, this message doesn’t just apply to courtship. Remember that the parable was making a comparison. Single or married, as a disciple, *what will you give up for the kingdom of heaven* (Matthew 16:26, Luke 9:23)? To have access to what’s really precious and priceless amidst all of the counterfeit that this world has to offer, what kind of choices are you willing to make? *Or stop making?*

Rest. Wait. *Then Choose*.

Something that a friend by the name of Brian Watts said on this past Sabbath day is, “There are two things that Christians hate to do: rest and wait.” Shoot, flesh and blood certainly did not reveal that (Matthew 16:17) because that’ll preach! Ten times over! Personally, I love that Naomi spoke along those lines to Ruth and Orpah when she was trying to get them to leave her on her way to Bethlehem: “The Lord grant that you may find rest, each in the house of her husband.” (Ruth 1:9-NKJV) Sometimes, I think, that wives forget that rest is to be bestowed upon them as well. Especially the *spirit of rest* (peace). Especially within their own home.

Matter of fact, Adonai thinks so highly of rest, that there is *an entire commandment* centered around it (Exodus 20:8-11); one that, upon completing the creation of this earth, *he himself honored* (Genesis 2:1-3). In a state (and/or season) of rest, one can have a “relief or freedom, especially from anything that wearies, troubles, or disturbs”, a “refreshing ease or inactivity after exertion or labor”. Indeed *rest is a reward* for those who labor (Matthew 11:28-29). And if/when you take this kind of resting *seriously* and *literally*, this definition is often the result: “mental or spiritual calm; tranquility”. Yes, just another reason why the Liar (John 8:44) doesn’t want disciples taking the Fourth Commandment to heart because when you’re mentally and spiritually calm, you can make *much clearer (and usually better) decisions*. Yes, *rest* helps one to do this. Effectively and efficiently. Indeed, “There remains therefore a rest for the people of God.” (Hebrews 4:9-NKJV) We must embrace this. Fully.

And then there’s waiting…

I shared a quote with someone last week that I find to be quite…fitting for translating what “wait” should be both to and for a believer (Mark 9:23):

“Often a Christian man or woman falls prey to that cruel and vexatious spirit, wondering how to find marriage, who, when, where? It is on God that we should wait, as a waiter waits--not for but on the customer--alert, watchful, attentive, with no agenda of his own, ready to do whatever is wanted. 'My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him.' (Ps. 62:5 KJV) In Him alone lie our security, our confidence, our trust. A spirit of restlessness and resistance can never wait, but one who believes he is loved with an everlasting love, and knows that underneath are the everlasting arms, will find strength and peace.”

An author by the name of Elisabeth Eliot once penned it and her spiritual wisdom (Proverbs 4:7) gave me some additional enlightenment (2 Samuel 22:29, Psalm 18:28) on something that I never really thought about before. In this way:

“For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth.”---Psalm 37:9(KJV)

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”---Isaiah 40:31(KJV)

“Behold, as the eyes of servants look unto the hand of their masters, and as the eyes of a maiden unto the hand of her mistress; so our eyes wait upon the Lord our God, until that he have mercy upon us.”---Psalm 123:2(NKJV)

Whew! Dig deep enough (Matthew 7:7-8) and you’ll find that we are not just to just wait *on* the Lord, but *upon* him:

Upon: upward so as to get or be on; in or into complete or approximate contact with, as…an important or pressing occasion; to or in an erect position; toward a particular direction or in the interior of, as a region or territory; step on; go better than

Synonyms: affixed to, attached to, acquainted, alive, appreciative, attentive, aware, enlightened, informed, knowing, mindful, perceptive, *receptive*

A lot of times, waiting is hard for us because we look at it from this definition: “to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expected happens”. However, I believe that the Lord is instructing us more from this standpoint: “to be available or in readiness”.

Waiting *upon* the Lord is about being in a *constant state of availability and/or readiness* to be attentive to his assignments, aware of his instructions, mindful of his abilities and perceptive enough to be *immediately receptive* to his commands. His will and his way. Waiting is about not moving, forwards or backwards, right or left, to or away from, until he tells you to. This makes Isaiah 30:18(NKJV) just that much more inspiring:

“Therefore the Lord will wait, that He may be gracious to you; and therefore He will be exalted, that He may have mercy on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for Him.”

We’re blessed when we wait *upon* Adonai because when we are “affixed and attached to” him, without question, therein lies a state of being “divinely or supremely favored” in a way that, in due season (Galatians 6:9), yes, can lead to a place of being “blissfully happy or contented”.

And this is what a pearl has to keep in mind. No matter what.

That it/he/she is far too invaluable to cast itself/himself/herself upon, the Word calls them “swine” (check out the definition sometime!), I’ll go with “poor appraisers” (LOL); that as the lead quote implies, it does, indeed take the spirit of discernment (I Corinthians 2:13-15) to notice just how *rare* it is to encounter one.

I thought about all of this as it relates to my own life. Honestly, not so much from the courtship perspective (I’ve gotten some real peace on that for a minute now), but from the, “Do I really see the kingdom of heaven as clearly as I should?” angle. Because if I did, I think I’d be willing to both release and embrace more than I have been. Because more than anything, what the Parable of the Pearl teaches is that to get all of Adonai, you have to let go of all of you. Remember, the pearl is a symbol of Christ. TO GET ALL OF CHRIST, YOU HAVE TO RELEASE ALL OF YOU. Your wants, your agenda, your plans. Without question, only *a true appraiser* sees the value of not just a good woman, but of her Savior as well. *And then acts accordingly*. Again, he’s not just *perceptive* but *receptive*.

You know, it’s funny. When you look up the word, “option” in the Word, which is Adonai (John 1:1), it’s not that easy to find. Not in the New King James Version, the New International Reader’s Version, the New Century Version or the Amplified Version. And even in the Message Version, it was only referenced four times, with these two being the most relevant to this message:

“We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails.”---Proverbs 19:21(Message)

“Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.”---James 1:6(NKJV)

Some of us are making life *much harder* than it has to be because we don’t realize that really, at the end of the day, in the spirit realm, the choices are these: do it your way or Adonai’s way.

“Shop” where it’s popular. Or where the manifestation of God is present.

Move busily and impatiently. Or wait *upon* Adonai.

Hmph. It really is up to you.

Pay the price to have the real thing…or settle for a knock-off.

These are some interesting times…so whatever you do…

Choose wisely.

As for me, I’ll be in and at…Tiffany’s. (LOL)

Selah. And amen.

©Shellie R. Warren/2011

"On Fire": Praying. IN DETAIL.

2011-09-30T17:15:00.000-05:00

"His Spirit inhabits even the smallest details of marriage."---Malachi 2:14(Message)

"We think in generalities, but we live in detail."---Alfred North Whitehead

This won't be too terribly long.

In preparation for this new year that I am embracing, something that I am giving back to Adonai is my time. For those of you on the devotional list, you may have peeped that one revelation from the "Because...You're Worth It" message is that doing things that are worthless is doing things that are impractical.

This "On Fire" mission has *much worth*; however, I have to make sure that I am accountable, fully, to Adonai in what I do with it. Therefore, I may not be *as available* as I used to be in the inbox. There are simply not enough hours in the day. However, I will respond *as led* (Luke 12:12). It would be foolish and spiritually irresponsible not to.

The segue on this is that I have been a full believer for a long time now that one should pray *in detail*. That people who don't often avoid it not due to *conviction* but *fear* that if they come to the Lord with the *specific aspects* of their lives, they may not like the answers that they get. Personally, I'm like, "The sooner I get a 'yes', I can prepare and the sooner I get a 'no', I can release." And so, if you have *specific prayer requests*, please send them to missnosipho@gmail.com. I will place them in the prayer book that the Divine Spirit and I have been chatting it up about for a couple of weeks now.

A book, that, it must be time to fill up because today, from a spiritual sistah, I received a fresh new journal, unexpectedly. I'm not even the "pink kind of girl" and yet, I'm big on symbolism. Pink represents love and romance, caring and tenderness, *acceptance and calm*. ALL OF WHICH, I BELIEVE, EMBODIES THE MISSION AND PURPOSE OF THIS SITE!

I have some people with the Gift of Intercession in my personal space. *I know what the power of prayer can do*. Oftentimes, more than anything else, it's the *absolute best thing* that we can offer to another person (James 5:16). If we do it from a righteous place. If we pray without ceasing (I Thessalonians 5:17). And so, "On Fire" sistahs, as I await to see what other messages the Lord will share on this blog, in the meantime, I look forward to receiving your requests. And even to those, I will respond *as led*.

Just as I told someone today, I sense that this is gonna be a *very* "Get some popcorn and watch what happens" season. To all who are willing. To receive. What Adonai has. In his time. In *each and every detail* of their lives.

Ahavah Shalom,

SRW

"On Fire" Fast Movement

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"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "No More Christian Nice Girl: When Just Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts You, Your Family, and Your Friends" (Paul Coughlin, Jennifer D. Degler, Ph.D)

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

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"On Fire" (and an Ounce of Prevention): QUOTE OF THE DAY

"On Fire": 10 QUESTIONS EVERY SINGLE WOMAN SHOULD ASK (AND ANSWER) HERSELF IN A RELATIONSHIP

"On Fire": Research Biblical Husbands. Discover What You Need to Feel Valued.

"On Fire": QUOTE (AND VIDEO) OF THE DAY

"On Fire": 2012: May You Be Blessed with a Great Pair of Jeans and a Great Man!

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Divine Matchmaker" (Joel Johnson, Casey Johnson)

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

"On Fire": Is He Selfish? Do You *Really* Feel Safe and Secure?

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help It Happen" (Candice Watters)

An Ounce of Prevention: "10 Ways to Separate the Boys from the Men"

An Ounce of Prevention: "20 Flags Mr. Right Is Mr. Wrong"

An Ounce of Prevention: "Does God Promise You a Spouse?"

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY. FOCUS FOR THE WEEK.

"On Fire": Shapeshifters Tend to Date Chameleons (and Vice Versa)

An Ounce of Prevention: WORD AND QUOTE OF THE DAY

An Ounce of Prevention: TOXIC. REVISITED.

"On Fire": THOUGHT OF THE DAY

An Ounce of Prevention: "Looking for Love: Marrying a Non-Christian"

"On Fire": A Man God Has Changed (NOT One I Have to Fix)...

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

An Ounce of Prevention: "A Few Christian Dating Principles to Live By"

An Ounce of Prevention: "Ten Reasons NOT to Get Married"

An Ounce of Prevention: "40 Signs You're in a Healthy Relationship"

An Ounce of Prevention: "Are You Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Man?"

An Ounce of Prevention: "5 Signs He's Not Going to Marry You"

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY and BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Love You Deserve" (Dr. Scott Peck, Shannon Peck)

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

An Ounce of Prevention: "Kermit the Frog Is a Terrible Boyfriend"

An Ounce of Prevention: Life on Purpose: "15 Questions to Discover Your Personal Mission"

An Ounce of Prevention: Signs That a Man Is Ready for a Relationship (Paul Washer)

"On Fire": We Turned TWO Today!!!

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Just How Married Do You Want to Be?: Practicing Oneness in Marriage" (Jim Sumner, Sarah Sumner)

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Left at the Altar: My Story of Hope and Healing for Every Woman Who Has Felt the Heartbreak of Rejection" (Kimberley Kennedy)

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Significance"

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

"On Fire": Do You HAVE Feelings or CREATE Them?

"On Fire": QUOTE OF THE DAY (and Then Some!)

A Good Exercise for Those Who Journal: "20 Questions You Should Ask Yourself Every Sunday"

An Ounce of Prevention: "12 Signs YOU'RE Not Ready for Marriage"

An Ounce of Prevention: "Why Women Should Never Ask"

An Ounce of Prevention: "Basic Introduction to Soul Ties"

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

"On Fire": Everything You Love. Nothing You Expect.

An Ounce of Prevention: (ANOTHER) QUOTE OF THE DAY

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "They Were Single Too: 8 Biblical Role Models" (David M. Hoffeditz)

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Cupidity: 50 Stupid Things People Do for Love and How to Avoid Them" (Hayley DiMarco, Michael DiMarco)

An Ounce of Prevention: QUOTE OF THE DAY.

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "More Than Me: The 4 Essentials of Relational Wholeness" (Jim Petersen, Glenn McMahan, David A. Russ)

An Ounce of Prevention: "The List Flip: What Makes YOU Marriage Material?"

BOOK RECOMMEND: "Revelations of a Single Woman: Loving the Life I Didn't Expect" (Connally Gilliam)

An Ounce of Prevention: "Looking for Love: Seven Dating Rules That Will Help You Find Your Soul Mate"

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "The Worry Cure: Seven Ways to Stop Worrying from Stopping You" (Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D)

"On Fire": The Benefit of the Broken Bottle (It's in the Lesson).

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Letting Go of Your Past: Take Control of Your Future by Addressing Habits, Hurts and Attitudes That Remain from Previous Relationships" (John Loren and Paula Sandford)

An Ounce of Prevention: "You'll Learn to Trust Again When You Learn to Trust You"

BOOK RECOMMENDATION: "Live Your Calling: A Practical Guide to Finding and Fulfilling Your Mission in Life"

An Ounce of Prevention: Take "The Marriage Readiness" Quiz

An Ounce of Prevention: "Prioritize Having a Healthy Relationship Instead of Focusing on 'Getting One' from a Reluctant Source"

"On Fire": Later. Sometimes Means Better. Most Times, Actually.

"On Fire": Signs That You're SETTLING.

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An Ounce of Prevention: "Knock-Offs"

"On Fire": Praying. IN DETAIL.

"On Fire": Is He Selfish? Do You Really Feel Safe and Secure?